They’re Rewriting James Bond, Too

Rare picture of Sean Connery as James Bond. Promotional shoot for  Goldfinger. | James bond movies, James bond style, James bond

If James Bond were real, there’d be some trouble over this.

Move over, Roald Dahl. Ian Fleming needs a seat on the bus to oblivion.

Willie Wonka, meet James Bond! By and by every fictional character in every novel will be rewritten… to accommodate a popular culture that goes from bad to worse by the day.

Yes, James Bond is being rewritten ( ‘Cause he’s “racist, sexist, imperialistic,” yatta-yatta. (Ask me if I care.) And the books he’s in might offend some chuckleheads out there.

They’re gonna remake the movies, too. Maybe what they’re looking for is a new James Bond who used to be a woman, eats nothing but plant-based foods, apologizes for the continued existence of Britain, and goes on and on about it until the very stones must weep for boredom. Well, they’re always remaking Bond movies. But rewriting the novels that the movies are based on–doing it when the author is dead and can’t defend himself–how much lower can it get?

I mean, come on–if you don’t like James Bond books, don’t read them. How is that so hard? Or would you rather sit up in bed all night because someone, somewhere, is reading James Bond and you can’t stop him? And your life as a liberal is incomplete because you can’t stop him.

How did we ever wind up letting these wretched people tell us what to do?

It’s Ban Evry-Thing Weak at Collidge!!!

Censor Everything by ReaverDarkness on DeviantArt

Whel, whel, we has Cut “to” The Chace and our Stoodint Soviet we has voated To Ban Evry-thing heer “at” Collidge!!! Fore a hole weak, tooo!!

It Is “the” One Shure Whay “of” geting Ridd of Sistemmick Racism, yiu has got to Ban Evry-thing becose evry-Thing it Is Racist!!!! So strating rihght Nhow we “are” Baning Evry-thing–eeting, drink-ing, Goingto bed, geting up, Cloathes, noodity, tawking, Not Tawking, Frends, pryvit propperty, pubic propperty,, and aslo Enny-thing Else we “can” Thinck Of!!!!!!!!!!

This it Is hardar thann it loocks!!! Butt as our one Prefesser sayed,, This “heer it Is “the” Essints of Revvalusion!!”! This heer “it” Is the One Trooue whay of Fundamint Trans Fourmasion!!!!! And then we bannned her tooo!!!!

I addmit i hadded a Littal trubble “baning” my Self butt Afftir A Wile it becomed like Seckind Natcher to me!!!!

Ooops!! O schiff! i pubblished “this hear” Artycule befour i “cood” rememember to Ban It!!!!!

P,S.–I jist thinked of sumb-thing!!! How do “we” Ban banning??