Let’s face it: Babe Ruth and Hank Aaron combined hit 1,469 home runs (755 for Aaron, 714 for Ruth) and it wasn’t fair! And finally someone’s doing something about it.
The New Encyclopedia of Baseball Equity, published by Social Justice Equity Anti-Racist Press, has revised official baseball statistics to redistribute Aaron’s and Ruth’s home runs among “deserving Minorities”–even some who never played baseball at all.
“Here we have damn near 15 hundred homers hit by just those two guys,” said Equity Editor Lula Ponzi. “How unfair is that! But records are made not to be broken, but to be set straight! In the interests of Social Justice, we have arbitrarily selected 100 deserving persons who will, from now on, each be credited with 15 of those home runs. And not just major league baseball players, but also college students, sex workers, and a man who thinks he’s a poached egg. And then we’ll see about all the other home runs hogged by the likes of Foxx, Mays, Mantle–until every player who ever played has exactly the same number of home runs. And that, my fiends, is Equity!”
The publisher is also pursuing a project of granting Ph.D.’s to every person physically present in the United States.
