Feeling Dumb? False Facts to the Rescue!

After the fantastic success of the first three editions of False Facts–believe it or not, not a single reader wrote in to plead with me not to previewFalse Facts 4.0: not even one!–we were gratified to adopt presidential candidate and former Vice President Joe Biden as our company mascot. Let his words be our motto!

“We choose truth over facts.”

Tired of people thinking you’re just a poor dumb dope who doesn’t know anything? Do you wish you knew a lot of cool stuff that they don’t know? Wouldn’t it be great to have them all marveling at your erudition?

All you need is False Facts 4.0!

Here are just a few examples for you to practice with. When you see how impressed people are, you’ll want to buy the whole set.

Just remember: when you deliver a False Fact, stand up straight, speak boldly and authoritatively, and look that other person right in the idea, double-dog-daring him to challenge you. And okay, here we go.

*Yogurt was originally invented by the Vikings, who used it to treat nightmares in chickens.

*The Great Gatsby was originally written as an advertising gimmick for Lifebuoy Soap.

*The city of Glasgow, Scotland, does not actually exist. It was removed in 1968, but the maps have never been updated.

*TV coverage of the Battle of Fallen Timbers shortened the Civil War by turning the public against it.

*The Pestilent Dutch Elm Monkey of Central Africa can eat four times its own weight in shredded wheat each day.

Well, that’s enough to get you started. When you’re ready for the full set of False Facts 4.0, mosey on down to your local Rite-Aid with $410.89 in cash. Tell ’em Joe sent you.