‘A Satire That’s Become Reality (Aaagh!)’ (2013)

Counterfeit Bibles

I wrote a satire in 2011 featuring a “New New Testament,” and lo and behold, two years later, a bunch of flatline churchmen actually published what they called a “New New Testament.” I hate being right all the time.

A Satire That’s Become Reality (Aaaagh!)

Now, who’s so dumb as to be unable to guess what’s in the New New Testament? Go ahead, give it a shot. It’s easy. Just ask yourself, “What would Rosie O’Donnell or Obama put in the Bible, if they were writing it?”

On second thought, who needs that kind of nightmare?

5 comments on “‘A Satire That’s Become Reality (Aaagh!)’ (2013)

  1. That really would be a nightmare. The only solid truth we really have in this world is the Word of God. Woe to those churches and teachers who dare to alter one jot or tittle in that Holy Book.

  2. It only makes sense that God saw fit to preserve His word throughout the ages and that what we have today still conveys the original meaning and import of that which was inspired.

    There’s an important matter to be aware of, and that would be principle. The law of Moses was a collection of rules and some of those are somewhat specific to the time in which they were written. For example, there was a rule about burying one’s excrement, which was a major boost for hygiene at the time, but not directly applicable in the time of indoor plumbing. However, as the sanitation problems of recent times become evermore apparent, the principle remains important. We need to be clean and hygienic.

    I don’t have to go as far as Rosie or Obama to see revisionism. I have a relative that claims to be a bible believing Christian, yet has made allowance for all sorts of things which betray a much different set of guiding principles. Essentially, what this person does, is to claim adherence to bible principles, while actually using the Bible to verse check well chosen scriptures which are then twisted to support a personal opinion. Just for the record, I don’t associate with this relative any longer because I believe them to be a very negative influence and, essentially, an apostate.

    I have seen bible translations which water down the word of God. I recently cited the scripture at 1 Cor 6:18 which instructs is to “flee from fornication”. If you go to BibleHub.com you will see that many translations convey the meaning, but one says to “avoid immorality”. There’s a huge difference between avoiding something and fleeing from it. The words “flee from fornication” imply immediate action and getting out of harm’s way. I avoid things which are unpleasant, but I flee things which are actually dangerous. Fornication is dangerous.

    1. I find that most people don’t understand Levtical law. When you try to bring up something about homosexuality, for instance, they will say something like should we not eat shellfish or stone people too, because that was also in the Old Testament. But this shows ignorance on their part.

      Levitical Law was broken into three categories civil, ceremony, and moral. Civil related to the affairs of Jewish civil government. Ceremonial related to the affairs of the priest, sacrificial laws, dietary laws, etc. Moral laws related to sexual sins, stealing, murder, the 10 commandments, etc. You are correct that the law was useful in teaching right from wrong.

      The civil and ceremonial laws were specific to Israel at that time. As you mentioned they helped teach proper hygiene. In fact, the Jews during the black plague that swept across Europe in the middle ages were not as effected because they had better hygiene than the gentiles. All thanks to the Mosiac laws. The dietary laws also had a purpose. I remember someone was in disbelief that a God would care what people ate. But alot of what God forbade is actually unhealthy. It is perfectly reasonable that a God would want to keep his people healthy.

      The moral laws, however, are universal and are still applicable today. Christians have never followed Levital laws, but we do observe the moral laws. What was wrong in the Old Testament is still wrong in the New Testament. The difference is we now live in an age of grace so breaking those laws don’t incur an automatic death sentence like it did in the Old Testament.

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