The People’s Democratic Republic of East Shinola has claimed “110% victory” in its war against the Wuhan coronavirus (http://www.totallyfakenooze.com/east-shinola).
President-for-Life Dr. General Venerated Sage Ho Lee Kow said his new policy of “removing” anyone suspected of being infected with the virus “worked like a charm.”
“We don’t need to tell people to stay inside their homes,” he said. “They know their neighbors are just waiting to call us the moment they see anyone step outside. So they just naturally stay indoors!
“Socialist violence is really the gentlest form of behavior modification,” he added. “As of this moment, our glorious country has no whatchamacallit virus. I repeat: none!”
East Shinola law requires that anyone who contradicts the president be “re-educated” at an undisclosed location. Most of them are never seen again.
“We are waiting to buy cell phones from China so we can check on everybody, moment to moment, and know where they are and what they are doing,” the president said. “We have learned that the more control you have over people, the happier they are. Without an all-powerful government, they just get in trouble. Everything we do is for their own good.”