Socialist Paradise Conquers Virus

Brutal South American dictators once put a contract on Ed Koch's ...

The People’s Democratic Republic of East Shinola has claimed “110% victory” in its war against the Wuhan coronavirus (

President-for-Life Dr. General Venerated Sage Ho Lee Kow said his new policy of “removing” anyone suspected of being infected with the virus “worked like a charm.”

“We don’t need to tell people to stay inside their homes,” he said. “They know their neighbors are just waiting to call us the moment they see anyone step outside. So they just naturally stay indoors!

“Socialist violence is really the gentlest form of behavior modification,” he added. “As of this moment, our glorious country has no whatchamacallit virus. I repeat: none!”

East Shinola law requires that anyone who contradicts the president be “re-educated” at an undisclosed location. Most of them are never seen again.

“We are waiting to buy cell phones from China so we can check on everybody, moment to moment, and know where they are and what they are doing,” the president said. “We have learned that the more control you have over people, the happier they are. Without an all-powerful government, they just get in trouble. Everything we do is for their own good.”

7 comments on “Socialist Paradise Conquers Virus

  1. I got quite a chuckle out of your clever wording on this one. The truth behind it, however, is not at all funny, especially since it is actually a mind set that is gaining more prominence.

  2. Sounds more like Democrats in Congress than like East Shinola. But then again, it’s sometimes hard to tell Schiff from Shinola.

    (I couldn’t resist that. You just made it too tempting.)

  3. I couldn’t get the line to work? 🙂 In Communist China it is the law everyone has to have a cell phone (no wonder Apple became so rich) so they can be tracked. The Leftist in our gov’t (and there are plenty of them) are wanting to require we all get the app that is used for Contact Tracking – you know, to fight the virus. The main virus we need to be fighting is the anti-Christ spirit that motivates the Left.

  4. LOL! I’m thinking of sharing it but afraid too many Shanolans might not believe this was true and that would defeat its purpose, ironically, even with the names changed to protect the guilty. Trace that you demons!!

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