[Editor’s Note: The nooze today is the same old cow-flop we had last week. Now turn we unto Quokka University.]
G’day! Byron the Quokka here, at Quokka University, with an announcement that’s guaranteed to shiver your timbers!
Alone among the world’s centers of Higher Education, Quokka U. has announced a four-year degree program in… Piracy! Aye, matey, I sez piracy! Avast! We has it all, sez I–treasure maps, walking the plank, crazy coats and hats, bottles o’ rum, cannons and cutlasses–everything you need to cut a fine figure on the Spanish Main!
Living as we do on an island, a lot of us quokkas have thought about turning pirate. But we didn’t know how! I mean, we drew up our own treasure maps and then went looking for the treasure, and never found any. Davy Jones must’ve laughed his keister off. I mean, look at that picture of me: you’re gunner make a pirate out of that?
Well, blow me down! Now ain’t that just what we been lookin’ for?
Scholarships are going to be made available. For information, call your local mayor’s office.