Byron’s TV Listings, July 30

multiple image galleries

G’day! Would you believe it? Next time I do this, it won’t be August anymore!

Byron the Quokka here for Quokka University, with another weekend of fantastic TV viewing that puts the other networks to shame. Here are just a few selections from our menu.

6:45 P.M.  Ch. 04   COLLEGE BOLE–Scholastic quiz show

Teams from Pimento University and Acme College square off in a multiple-choice showdown! The question: Who’s buried in Grant’s Tomb? The choices: a) Jack Benny b) Gordon MacTavish c) Nobody d) Ramesses II. Host: The Man On The Street (he can’t find the sidewalk).

7 P.M.  Ch. 11  EYEWITLESS NEWS–News & commentary

Alvin the Octopus anchors the program unanimously voted “Worst-Ever TV News Show.” Tonight: “Surgery on Roller Skates” and an interview with several traffic cones. Weather: Felix the Mime. Sports: Two more mimes. Sponsored by Bug-B-Gone Hair Spray.

Ch. 21  HENRY! HENRY!–Puppets

What if Henry VIII had had all six of his wives at the same time? What if chopping their heads off did no good, they’d only stick them back on? This week: Catherine of Aragon accidentally orders too much kitty litter, prompting Anne of Cleves to go berserk with a rolling pin. Special guest star: Woodrow Wilson.

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 44  THE PARIAH FAMILY–Sitcom

Tom Smothers stars as Baba Boo-boo, head of the Pariah family that attracts plagues of locusts and lice, financial disaster, apocalyptic weather, and muddled thinking wherever they go. Tonight: Clouds of vampire bats follow the Pariahs to Bunch O’ Burlap Township, Ohio, resulting in complaints. Mayor: Sandy Duncan.

8 P.M.  Ch.36  MOVIE–Paltry excuse for horror and suspense

In “Yumpin’ Yiminy, It Bain de Devil” (Bolivian, 1987), Leo Gorcey and Mikhail Gorbachev lead a Swedish expedition into the unexplored foothills of New Jersey in search of the June Taylor Dancers (played by themselves, with help from a chain gang). Unexpected encounters with pirates and army aunts liven things up! Chief Mooloomoo: Rex Harrison. Witch Doctor: Bud Collier. Tugboat Annie: Shirley Temple.

Well, that should keep you entertained! The first time I saw The Pariah Family, I had nightmares for a week!

Quokka sleeping on park bench.

(Resting up for tonight’s non-stop TV!)

3 comments on “Byron’s TV Listings, July 30

  1. Aw, Byron, you look so cute when you’re napping. (You also look cute when you’re not napping.)

    I’d kind of like to see the “Henry, Henry” puppets. As for the Eyewitless news, the interviews with traffic cones would probably make more sense than the current administration’s press conferences — whether his own or his airhead press secretary’s.

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