G’day, everybody–Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of life-altering TV programs brought to you by Quokka University. Would you believe these great shows have been left just lying around? Here’s a sample:
6 P.M. Ch. 02 CHUCKLEHEAD NEWS–(Self-explanatory)
They’re not the least bit embarrassed by the label “Chucklehead”! This crack news team, assembled by anchor Jimmy Fraud, has a motto: “We’re honest about our dishonesty! We tell the truth about our lies!” Uh, wait a minute… Isn’t that two mottos?
Ch. 08 MOVIE–Apocalyptic vision
In “The Attack of the Co-ed Dinosaurs” (French-Tasmanian, 1958), they went overboard in the cutting room and tossed out all but 20 minutes of this film–but it’s a great 20 minutes! Eddie Albert stars as a man in a rubber tyrannosaur suit who terrorizes a small town dominated by Rosemary Clooney and her songs. Directed by the United Nations.
6:30 P.M. Ch. 15 GENGHIS!–Sitcom
Genghis Khan (William Shatner) retires as a world conqueror and moves to Speedwell, New Jersey, to raise guinea pigs. This week: Mrs. Genghis (Jane Austen) and her mother-in-law (Willa Cather) get arrested for practicing alchemy and not getting any better at it. Will the Khan bail them out? Chief Mogan: Liberace. Speedwell Police Force: the June Taylor Dancers.
Ch. 33 SURVIVE IF YOU CAN!–Game show
Follow the fun with emcee Sandy Duncan as contestants are stranded on tiny islands populated by army ants, poisonous snakes, hideous tropical diseases, and ferocious tribes of cannibals–and the one who lives the longest wins a Fogo Industries Prefab Tool Shed!
7 P.M. Ch. 61 PARANORMAL PETE–Explorations of the unknown
A ghost haunts a stapler; a Good Humor man can’t remember his past life as Brad Pitt; did extraterrestrials build the Macy’s department store in Grogboro, Iowa, that no one else remembers building? Pete Runnels explores these and other unexplained mysteries that no one can figure out! Guest: Susan Duckweed.
Well, there you are! Whoever called TV a vast wasteland obviously never saw any of these shows!
(I love that bicycle!) Byron the Quokka, signing off.
A news show that tells the truth about their lies? I am all in!
I think I’ve seen that Ch. 08 Movie before. Or something like it. I think Columbo showed up in the one I saw – but not in a dinosaur suit. Oh well. I want to watch it any way, if only for the Dinah Shore songs.
But where oh where are the June Taylor Dancers this week?
Oh, no! I’ll have to go back and add them.
“SURVIVE IF YOU CAN!–Game show” Ha, ha, ha, ha…