what a Yarn! ‘Kenilworth’

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Kenilworth Castle today

Shh! Quiet, please! Sir Walter Scott is gonna tell a story.

Kenilworth is a political thriller inspired by a ghost story, which in turn was inspired by an unsolved murder during the reign of Elizabeth I. And speaking of Elizabeth–

Imagine: Your father had your mother beheaded, because he wanted a son instead of you. Your grandfather overthrew a dynasty that had ruled for several centuries. Your half-sister launched a wave of religious persecutions–and married, by proxy, your country’s arch-enemy, the king of Spain. Your generation’s grandparents remember the Wars of the Roses, which nearly depopulated England. Then came wave after wave of religious violence.

And on top of all that: on top of knowing that you are queen of a powder keg that could blow at any minute: on top of all that, you have to somehow dominate this nest of vipers and cannibals you’ve inherited as your English ruling class–and you dearly want to do it without resorting to tyranny and mass murder.

Welcome to Elizabethan England. If you wake up alive tomorrow, thank God and Queen Elizabeth for that.

The hero of Kenilworth tries to save a young woman who has been caught up in a web of deadly court intrigue in which more than a few lives are at stake. And because Sir Walter has provided us with the back story, in his introduction, we the readers know things that the characters don’t know, and we experience ever-heightening suspense as the characters mis-read and mis-play one situation after another. You want to warn them, but you can’t.

Oh, how I wish Akira Kurosawa could’ve made a movie out of this! It would’ve been right up his street. He might have recast it into a Japanese historical/cultural context, but so what? It would’ve been great! Starring Toshiro Mifune as the hero. There’s also a character named Flibbertygibbet. How cool is that?

No, I’m not going to tell you how the story comes out. That would be a kind of robbery. But it’s one of those stories that’ll still be suspenseful even if you’ve read it before.

Hats off to Walter Scott!

‘How Not to Write Dialogue’ (2014)

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Trying to figure out how she got in without opening the door…

Fantasy probably features more misbegotten dialogue than any other genre of fiction. Maybe the hard-boiled private eye comes a close second. Or a fantasy about a hard-boiled private eye.

How Not to Write Dialogue

Suddenly the idea of a fantasy about a hard-boiled private eye is starting to look pretty good to me. I’ll betcha Anthony Boucher or Henry Kuttner could’ve done it standing on his head. “The dame came through my office door in a rustle of that fancy crinoline stuff like you see in the movies. Real class. But she didn’t open the door to come on…”

I mean, as long as we’re going to be writing bad fiction, it might as well be funny!

‘Protecting Us from Knowing Things We Shouldn’t Know’ (2015)

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This was my Newswithviews column for Jan. 29, 2015.

http://newswithviews.com/Duigon/lee287.htm

Why can’t these people leave us alone? Always pontificating about what we should or shouldn’t think, should or shouldn’t be allowed to say, should or shouldn’t be allowed to read–but they are not better than us and they are certainly not wiser than us.

Historical novels, if they are written in good faith, thoroughly researched, and as accurate in their depiction of the past as it is humanly possible to make them, can help us understand the past. Not just know about it, but actually to understand it.

Once upon a time on the radio I heard two Intellectuals complaining about “a bunch of truck drivers” reading history and getting ideas above their station. We should be content to be spoon-fed by Our Betters–

Eeyah! Basta! No more of this!

Because Our Betters most definitely are not our betters.