Mrs. Bates for U.S. Senate!

Psycho | "Mrs. Bates ?" ('Mrs. Bates' and diorama by RK / 'W… | Flickr

Mrs. Athalia Bates, best known as Norman Bates’ mother in Psycho, is running for re-election to the Senate. The long-time Democrat has been a fixture in the Senate since 1960, when a local funeral home mysteriously “lost” her.

“The fact that she is dead is something that only a bigoted Republican steeped in liveism would ever hold against her,” said Mark Kardz, Democrat Party strategist. “She never committed those murders! Her son did–and he’s better now.

“Everybody knows that dead people are a major component of our party’s voting base–and who better than Mrs. Bates to represent them? And you didn’t hear it from me, but Athaliah Bates taught V.P. Kamala Harris everything she knows! And not only that: President Biden plays pinochle with her every other night. And she always wins!”

The secret of Mrs. Bates’ success, he said, “Is that she fits right in! She’s sort of our party personified. Everything you would ever expect from a Democrat, you get from Mrs. Bates.”

It has not yet been decided which state Mrs. Bates will represent. It’s usually California, “But New York is making a serious pitch for her this year,” said Kardz.

Last Night’s Nightmare

Norma Bates (Psycho) - Wikiwand

She’s worse when she comes off her rocker.

This was a corker.

I was in a house, no house in particular, and I had just finished a big job of tidying up a room that had looked like a cyclone hit it. I closed the door behind me, and had only taken a few steps down the hall when there was a horrific crash and clatter from the room I’d just cleaned up.

Oh, fie! Had the shelves fallen over? What happened?

I went back to see. I stepped into the room. Everything was a mess again, strewn all over the floor, furniture knocked over, all my work undone.

Then I hear a subtle creak, creak, creak… It’s a rocking chair: hadn’t noticed it before. And it’s occupied by Mother Bates from Psycho, and she has just stirred to get up from the chair–

Of course I woke up then! And mighty glad to do it, too.

P.S.–Y’know what? I think it’s reading the nooze every day that’s giving me bad dreams and a lingering sense of dread.