self-identifying – Lee Duigon

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I’m wondering if this is the picture I should have posted as me. After all, this is the great age of “identifying” as something you’re not. I mean, people looking at the real photo that I posted yesterday, and saying I sort of look like Obst–well, gee whiz, Obst would look at me and call me “sonny”!

Of course, if I’m trying to get people to think of me as a Steve Reeves look-alike, I’ll have to avoid TV appearances and celebrity dinners. I’ve successfully done that, so far.

Steve Reeves, by the way, was a great guy. Years ago, Patty mailed him her copy of his book on power-walking, asking for an autograph. He not only signed it for her, but threw in a casual photo out of his own collection–not a publicity shot, but a personal photo. He didn’t have to do that, and it was much appreciated.

Once for her birthday I sent a photo of Hall of Fame shortstop Ozzie Smith, one of her favorite players, to Ozzie, care of the St. Louis Cardinals, asking him to autograph it. I allowed several months for that, but he signed the picture and sent it back in just a few days. Ozzie, you, too, are a good guy!

Winter Festival games for the collidge student in your family!

The bad thing about games is that somebody wins. That’s so racist. Imagine snowflakes trying to play Monopoly. No, it just won’t do. Give gifts commensurate with a modern collidge eddication! Games that pump up their self-esteem. Like these.

Everybody Wins! In this board game, there’s only one square and players sit on it forever with nowhere else to go. With every turn, each player gets a $500 bill and a “You’re Fantastic!” card. Each card comes with an uplifting message–“You’re a winner,” “You’re so smart,” “Good job,” “You’ve aced your Graphic Novels 101 exam,” etc.

Take a Knee is a simulated football game in which players kneel and make rude noises whenever the National Anthem is played. You don’t have to know anything about football, because the football game in Take a Knee never actually starts. Any show of disdain for America earns all players, all at once, 50 Social Justice Points. That way, everyone finishes with exactly the same score.

You’re always a winner when you play Self-Identify, the game of defining reality to suit yourself. Just throw the dice and declare “I am now a woman,” “I am the president of my college,” “I am the Sultan of Swat,” or whatever else pops into your head, and the other players joyfully affirm your declaration.

Antifa Roulette casts players as Social Justice Warriors. Spin the Wheel of Combating Fascism and move your piece to whatever square is indicated by the arrow–Savings Bank, Dollar Store, Auditorium, and others–and announce a Protest. All the other players immediately move to that square, at which point the building is burned down and it’s the next player’s turn. Great fun to play while wearing ski masks! The game ends, and everybody wins, when the entire Town Board lies in ruins.

Once these catch on, there will surely be more to come. Watch your favorite student’s eyes light up when ze finds one of these with xer name on it waiting under the Gender Tree!