sixth-grade reading level

See the shock! Hear the fear! Vicariously, of course.

How could I ever have been so pusillanimous even to think of dumbing down my blog–in a vain hope that if I stuck with a sixth-grade reading level, I’d get more readers. What? Did some perverse fragment of my psyche want to be thought of as a latitudinarian?

All right, all right, you’ve made your point. Now stop showing off.

The problem here is that Big Tech is subverting Christian bloggers. They’re afraid to just ban us all outright. The pushback just might be strong enough to push them into a tar pit. But if they play with the search engines and use algorithms that shove conservative thought down to the bottom of the lists, that’s just as good as banning us.

And they ain’t doin’ that to us because they don’t like big words.

So let that sixth-grade reading level be Tokyo, and multi-syllabic words Godzilla. I’ll use the words I want to use, I’ll enjoy and share the richness of the English language, and I’ll be horsewhipped if I do any different. [Cue in Godzilla music]

Way to go, Ifukube-San!

Looking Through A Keyhole High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

I’m already getting tired of trying to highlight key words by typing them in boldface. It feels like I’m writing a freakin’ comic book. “Hey, Superman! Do you know Lex Luthor is in town?” Feh.

Ah! But I’ve read about studies that show that unless you employ only the simplest words, hardly anyone will want to read you. Or even talk with you. Advance beyond the sixth-grade reading level, and it makes their heads hurt.

Back in high school there was a kid who used to yell at me every time he saw me, “Yah, Mr. Big Words! Big words! Yah!” This went on for several years. I didn’t even know his name. He only stopped when I promised to beat him senseless the next time he did it. One can only take so much.

Well, it seems his attitude has now become part of our dying culture. This is how you have to write, or no one will read you. No more big words.

All this cyber-stuff was supposed to raise us up and make us smarter. Instead, it dumbs us down.

Enough! On behalf of the English language, and all who treasure it, I declare defiance.

Coruscation! Orgulity! Penultimate! Chastisement! Polyglot! Effulgence!

(“Damn the torpedoes–full speed ahead!”)