See the shock! Hear the fear! Vicariously, of course.
How could I ever have been so pusillanimous even to think of dumbing down my blog–in a vain hope that if I stuck with a sixth-grade reading level, I’d get more readers. What? Did some perverse fragment of my psyche want to be thought of as a latitudinarian?
All right, all right, you’ve made your point. Now stop showing off.
The problem here is that Big Tech is subverting Christian bloggers. They’re afraid to just ban us all outright. The pushback just might be strong enough to push them into a tar pit. But if they play with the search engines and use algorithms that shove conservative thought down to the bottom of the lists, that’s just as good as banning us.
And they ain’t doin’ that to us because they don’t like big words.
So let that sixth-grade reading level be Tokyo, and multi-syllabic words Godzilla. I’ll use the words I want to use, I’ll enjoy and share the richness of the English language, and I’ll be horsewhipped if I do any different. [Cue in Godzilla music]
[Editor’s Note: I was resolved not to allow Joe Collidge to appear today, but he snuck in while I wasn’t looking.]
Thancksgiven Daye it is to-marrow butt i amb not goingto cellarbrate it “becose” America “it” blows and anny how my fambly “thay” woont lett me “in” The house no moar!!
I whant to caul Atentchin to alll themb dum doaps that say Thare isnt no Climbit Chainge or Globble War Ming can yiu beleave How stopid thay “are”??? and thay aslo are sayying Godziller he “Is” not Reel!! Wel if he is “Not” Reel then how comb thares so Manny moovies abote himb?? Lets “see” themb Anser thatt!!!!!
Scyantits thay now know “that” it is Climbit Chainge what cawses all themb Monsters in Jappan!! It is ownly natcheral!!! Globble War Ming it whakes themb up “And” maiks themb crazy!!! and yiu Can axpect To see moar and moar Godziller atacks as the Climbit it chainges moar and moar!! This hear it is Donold Trumpt’s fawult!!!!!! Evry Boddy but himb and al thoze captillist Racists thay reelize we ownly has got tend (10) oar twelf (12) yeers leffted till The “end” “of” The Whorld unlest al the cristchins thay get putt In jale and thare isnt no moar facile fuols!!! Godziller atacks thay “are” jist the Tipp “of” the Iceburger!!!!
Now evry Interllectural in Evry Collidge thay know this but Trumpt he whants to maik the Whorld end and evry boddy dye jist so’s he “Can” Maik a Prophit!!!! That is wye he must got to Be “impeechted” befour he Can “do” it!!! And iff yiu stopid dum peple thinck I amb rawng whell yiu Can “jist” checke whith The U N and thay whil telll yiu evry Thing i sayed it is rihght!!!! Go a “head” and Ask themb i dayre yiu!!!!!!!!!!
Stopid Amarica yiu better “do” what us interllecturals say oar “the” neckst Monstar fromb Monstar Iland it whil be Comming “yore” whay!!!!!
The Bible tells us in no uncertain terms that God is not going to let the bad guys win. They were riding high in 2013. They had a great fall in 2016. It’s true that if we put the Democrats out of business, in a very short time another group of villains would arise to take their place. Their politics seeps out from the dark places in the human heart. This will always be with us, until Our Lord Jesus Christ sets His throne upon the earth. And then it will be with us no more.
It’s a tradition around here to watch a Godzilla movie on Thanksgiving. This year we watched Godzilla vs. Gigan, a 1972 movie that turned out to be eerily applicable to 2016.
The villains are giant cockroaches who can take on human form, and, posing as a great children’s charity, and claiming to be working for “perfect peace,” they plan to achieve it by–well, killing off the human race.
The only real obstacle to their plans is Godzilla, and they’ve recruited a couple of huge outer space monsters to take care of him. But as usually happens, the bad guys are foiled and the only thing that’s achieved is, of course, yet another destruction of Tokyo. Angry gigantic monsters really do play hob with a city’s infrastructure.
There are those who say Godzilla movies are childish nonsense. But I say, take your laughs when you can get ’em. We found on youtube a beautifully remastered Godzilla vs. Gigan, dubbed in English–and with Portuguese subtitles, no less! How cool is that? Watch this often enough, and you’ll learn Portuguese.
Beware people who control huge charitable foundations, ostensibly to benefit “the children,” and promise to bestow any form of perfection on this fallen world. And never, never vote for one of them.
Here’s a critter some of you may never have heard of before–the pangolin. It’s an ant-eating beast that lives in Africa and can’t be rhymed with anything. If it was a few hundred times larger, it would look like something that wrecked Tokyo while fighting with Godzilla.
Because the pangolin’s front claws are so huge, it has to walk on its hind legs, all slouched over. Very poor posture!
Look at the size of the hole it digs, getting at the ants. I think you might almost rather have the ants in your back yard.
Please feel free to try to think of something that rhymes with “pangolin.”
Okay, I understand: people in your home town see you in the flesh and conclude you can’t be of any importance. It’s hard to impress people who know you.
My books used to occupy a nice place on the shelves at my local library. But since the arrival of a new library director, my books have been banished to a “Local Authors” ghetto in the most remote region of the building, along with Mrs. Gesundheit’s genealogical researches and Grandpa Fongo’s reflections on the best local parade of 1956. One more step, and these books would be under the floorboards.
When I asked the new library director to please restore my books to their former place, she looked at me quizzically, the way Godzilla looks at a power plant before he kicks it to smithereens, and said, “Well, you are self-published, aren’t you?” Like any Local Author couldn’t possibly be good enough to be paid for his work.
For the sake of those among you who do publish your own writing, I will limit the description of my reply to the word “no.”
Anyhow, I looked again today and my books are still in the Local Authors ghetto where no one in this town will ever discover them and read them.