Year: 2013

Did I Write That?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I’ve been reading a book I wrote circa 1988 and published in 1990–and what I wrote has shocked me.

Mind Stealer was the last of four horror novels I wrote for Zebra Books during the 1980s horror boom. At the time, I didn’t know it would be the last.

I was never terribly proud of it because they changed editors on me and the new editor made a mess of the book. I had to work like crazy to restore some semblance of readability.

Mind Stealer is the story of a special, hush-hush management training program run by Japanese consultants somewhere in the North Carolina wilderness. Back then, America’s business community worshiped everything Japanese–especially their insanely fanatical devotion to their employers.

So I wrote about that. And I wrote savagely. I wrote raw. I read it now and wonder, “Why was I so angry? What was in my heart, to make me write like this?” I’ve found in it no glimmer of redemption, and I don’t remember writing any such thing into it.

If that was who I was then, and God has heard my prayers and changed me so that I can hardly recognize my own writing from that age of my life, then I give Him thanks and rejoice. If I had stayed the man whom I discern in the pages of Mind Stealer, I’d have burned out like a highway flare. The fire would have consumed me.

I would write that story very differently today, if I had to write it at all. But I’m sure I don’t have time for it.

PM: Britain Needs More Social Mobility

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Prime Minister David Cameron says the United Kingdom’s government must “do more” to increase social mobility.

To see what happens when government “does” something, see Obamacare.

Now, how do you energize social mobility from the top down? Among the options the British government is considering are these.

1. Hand out peerages. Like, when you woke up at noon today, you were Joe Blow, unemployed yobbo. But along comes PM Cameron, your fairy godmother, and–bibbity-bobbity-boo!–suddenly you’re Lord Blow, Viscount of Whatever. And your drunken ass of a cousin is the Earl of Swill. Everybody’s got a title!

2. Abolish peerages. All right, that’s downward mobility. No earthly government has ever succeeded in making everybody rich; but any bunch of idiots with power can make millions of people poor without half trying.

3. Enact the ‘Queen for a Day‘ Program. Sack the royal family and set up a system that allows every man, woman, and child in Britain to be royal for a day. Wouldn’t it be cool to have a Prince of Wales who was really Welsh? Why shouldn’t every charwoman have her day in Buckingham Palace? Everybody gets a turn.

There’s only one proposal the government has totally rejected:

To back off, to get out of people’s lives, and let anyone who can rise as high as he can.

“That,” says the PM “would be unfair to lazy sods who have no ambition.”

The Day of the Pimp

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

To rally support for Obamacare, idiots in Colorado have loosed a new ad campaign exhorting women to have promiscuous sex. In the words of the Colorado Observer’s headline, “Fans of Obamacare Urge Young Women to Hook Up in Edgy Ads” ( http://thecoloradoobserver.com/2013/11/fans-of-obamacare-urge-young-women-to-hook-up-in-edgy-ads ).

One of the ads illustrated shows a young woman ogling a young man with the caption, “OMG, he’s hot! Let’s hope he’s as easy to get as this birth control.”

OMG is shorthand for taking the Lord’s name in vain. Well, you know how some sinners think: in for a penny, in for a pound.

The idea they’re pushing here, of course, is that, thanks to Obamacare, young women are now “free” to have sex with as many different men as they please–because the government will provide them with contraceptives paid for by other people, and, if that don’t work, abortions paid for by other people. So get out there and start slutting!

Remember–the progressive/liberal/commie plan is always to estrange people from God by encouraging them to sin, and so make them totally creatures of the all-devouring State. For a deeper understanding of how it works, read up on Mau-Mau initiation rituals.

P** on my Leg and Tell Me It’s Raining

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Some of you think chess is boring; but I don’t think many of you would think that a $2.55 million prize purse is boring.

This year’s World Chess Championship–in which Viswanathan Anand (India) defends his title against the top-rated player in the world, Magnus Carlsen (Norway)–offers a purse of more than two-and-a-half million smackers, 60% to the winner, 40% to the loser. That ought to make it exciting, right?

Wrong. So far, this is the worst “world championship chess” I’ve ever seen.

Maybe I’m old-fashioned; but I think chess games between the two top players in the world ought to be good games, packed with drama, tension, brilliancy, and art. But the first three games of this match have been terrible.

In Game One they went 13 moves into the game, and while still in the opening phase, repeated their moves three times in a row to force an automatic draw. In Game Two they went a few moves longer before again forcing a draw by repetition of moves. And in Game Three they actually got into the middle game–then, seeming to lose interest, they exchanged all their pieces (chess as a fire sale?) until they had none left, thus forcing yet another automatic draw.

I wonder what a ticket costs. Anything over 49 cents, you got robbed.

A few commentators have tried to defend this fiasco by saying, “Well, hey, these guys play at such a high level, only a few of the top grand masters of chess can hope to understand these games.” As Judge Judy says, “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.” These games stink! Anand and Carlsen are playing like they’re just trying to get it over with so they can enter a Monopoly tournament.

I hope nobody’s thinking, “Gee, even if I lose, I still walk off with over a million dollars–just for showing up! Why give myself grey hairs, trying to win?”

I wonder what would happen if they knocked $50,000 or $100,000 off the purse, every time there’s a draw.

If big-time chess isn’t dead already, events like this will kill it.

 

Was Daniel a Prophet?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I’ve been having a discussion with one of my chess buddies at http://www.chessgames.com on the Book of Daniel. I take it as I find it. But he, following the lead of various Biblical scholars, believes Daniel was written not by Daniel sometime in the Sixth Century B.C., but by unidentified persons circa 150 B.C. (give or take a few decades). By then, the events prophesied by Daniel would have already happened–making the book not prophecy, but a pretended prophecy: in a word, a deception.

Believing this, he says, makes no difference to his Christian faith. Well, who am I to judge that? But it would make a difference to my faith if I thought big chunks of the Bible were a load of humbug.

In Chapter 11, Daniel accurately predicts the turbulent, complicated history of the Holy Land and the successors to Alexander the Great’s empire–including the long, see-saw struggle between the Seleucid Empire, centered in Syria, and the Ptolemaic Empire, in Egypt. The prophecy does not give the names of the individuals who make this history, but it does describe their actions–in great detail.

Because these predictions are so accurate, “scholars” say the book could only have been written after all those things had happened. They begin their analysis from the presupposition that there is no such thing as prophecy–that accurate and detailed predictions of the future are simply impossible.Then they hunt up “evidence” to support their position.

I don’t have a lot of time for scholars.

If my friend’s faith can survive “Biblical scholarship,” my hat is off to him. I presuppose the truth of God’s word–not to mention its fundamental honesty!–and reason upward from that basis.

Sure–I want to know a lot more about the persons, places, and events described in the Bible. I consult historians and archeologists. After all, it was a “scientific” finding–satellite photos showing the course of a once-mighty river that flowed across Arabia into southern Mesopotamia, now buried under the desert: a river that was hidden many thousands of years ago, yet is nevertheless remembered in Genesis 2:11-13 as one of the original “rivers of Eden”–that years ago shocked me out of my indifference toward the Bible. (They’ve even named this long-lost river: the Kuwait River.)

So don’t accuse me of despising knowledge. I just despise knowledge that only claims to be knowledge, and isn’t.

Atheist Mega-Churches (New Fad)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This is bound to take its place alongside of pet rocks and Nehru jackets.

The “news media” this weekend–Fox, CBS, NBC– all featured reports of what they were calling “atheist mega-churches.” These are large gatherings, on a Sunday morning, of people who want all the church stuff but without belief in God.

It was started by two British comedians. It’s awash in money. They get together and sing “Here Comes the Sun” and “Lean on Me.” I’m sure they sing “Imagine,” too, although that wasn’t mentioned in any of the news articles. Like, right there is ample reason to stay away.

The services feature music, sermons without God, and assorted feel-good-about-yourself activities.

I’m confused. How do you tell the difference between one of these “atheist mega-churches” and a regular mega-church? If it’s that hard for us to tell, will God trouble Himself to make a distinction?

When the Son of Man returns, will He find faith on the earth? (Luke 18:8)

Only if He knows where to look.

 

Yachting With No Pants On

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

One of my favorite writers was the late John D. MacDonald, best known for his Travis McGee series.

My wife and I were trying to remember which of the Travis McGee books contained MacDonald’s most embarrassing lapse as a writer–a little something about a boat with a nude all-girl crew. I mean, what ever possessed him to write such a thing?

We couldn’t find the book, but we did soon discover that “nude yachting” or “nude boating” have become big business. For a big pile of money, you can go on a “nude cruise.” John D, just didn’t realize how far ahead of the curve he was. (No, I will not provide a link. That would be free advertising.)

But to those who would take up this pastime, I have only two words.

Sunburn.

Splinters.

These two words, I believe, tell you all you need to know about frolicking around starkers all day long on the water, miles away from any shade. And on a wooden boat or yacht, do be careful of where you sit down.

 

To a Better You (Ugh)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of kids with giant chessmen

I saw a little video this morning, at http://www.chesscafe.com , of kids playing chess with chessmen bigger than they were. It was at a grade school (in Ohio, I think), and the point of it seemed to be that chess could be used to exercise the body as well as the mind.

It was part of a series of TV news broadcasts entitled, “Upgrade to a Better You.”

That’s all well and good–but what if I don’t have room for a colossal chessboard–not to mention 32 chessmen the size of totem poles? Where the heck would I store them when I wasn’t playing? Put them in the garage, and there’s no room for your car. Bring them inside, and your wife will take a terrible revenge. Leave them outside, and the neighbors will complain.

No, it just won’t do. It’s a wonderful idea to turn chess into a form of hard physical exercise, in order to Upgrade to a Better You. But there has to be a better way than giant chessmen.

Here are a few helpful suggestions, using an ordinary chess set.

1) Glue the chessmen to the board. The more firmly they’re glued, the more calories you burn trying to wrench one loose so you can move it. The drawback is, it kind of slows up the game.

2) Hire a large, strong person to restrict the movements of your arms. Make sure he can do this without losing his temper and beating you up.

3) Set up the chessboard high up in a tall tree so that you have to climb it every time you want to move.

Obviously it is not easy to achieve a Better You; and there is no guarantee that anyone will like the new You better than the old. In fact, they may find the Better You obnoxious. They may even be inclined to defenestrate the Better You, in hopes that the Old You emerges from the hospital bed someday.

 

More Crap from Common Core

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Remember how you learned the use of possessive nouns, like “mine” and “yours” and “Bozo’s,” when you were in school?

Well, here’s a lesson on how to use possessive nouns. The lesson is part of the glorious educational extravaganza of Common Core–that is, lesson content provided by the federal government. (Source: http://weaselzippers.us/2013/10/31/more-common-core-indoctrination-the-people-must-obey-the-governments-commands/ )

Ready? Good. Rewrite these sentences using possessive nouns.

The commands of government officials must be obeyed by all.

(Answer: The government’s commands must be obeyed by all.)

The wants of an individual are less important that the well-being of the nation.

(Answer: The individual’s wants are less important that the nation’s well-being.)

Can you imagine George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, or Patrick Henry writing this bilge? Can you imagine them even having to read it?

Yes, folks, keep on sending your children to those wonderful public schools. “Send us a human being, and we’ll send you back a robot”–National Education Association motto.

Generous Cheapskates

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This week the good people of New Jersey voted to automatically increase the minimum wage every year.

Now, why did they do this? Don’t they know that when the minimum wage is high, minimum wage jobs become scarce? It’s a fact: minimum wage increases depress the job market. Were Jersey voters trying to do that on purpose?

No–the explanation’s simpler than that.

The voters simply couldn’t resist the temptation to do something that seemed to be generous and which, if they did it, would make them feel good about themselves. “I am generous! What a nice guy I am–I raised the minimum wage!” Nothing makes an American feel more self-righteous than to give away something that he doesn’t own and which he thinks costs him nothing.

What happens after 20 years or so of automatic minimum wage increases? Hmmm… gonna be kinda high, ain’t it? I mean, would you pay some teenager $30 an hour to pick up litter from your parking lot? And if the minimum wage is that high, then “standard” wages will be even higher–to say nothing of a “good” wage.

Either our money will be so debased by then that $30 an hour won’t be enough to live on, or wages in New Jersey will be so high that no one will be able to afford to hire anybody to do anything.

But it’s nice to be generous.