The Obama administration has granted $750 billion (that’s billion with a b) to a company that is developing a way to wash toilet paper so that it can be used again.
“There’s no such thing as too high a price when you’re fighting Climate Change,” said White House spokesman Slick Gullimoffin. “Anyhow, it won’t cost you a cent unless you’re white.” The project, he explained, will be paid for by a new White Privilege tax of 70% on all income.
“We are tremendously excited by the early trials of this product,” said U.S. Dept. of Energy Secretary Humbold Screwtape. “Heretofore, laundering your toilet paper has always been a difficult proposition. I mean, like, it would always fall apart when it got wet!
“But now, thanks to a new process developed by The Clinton Foundation, you can actually hand-wash your toilet paper in the kitchen sink, and it only takes about 20 minutes per sheet.”
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Jezebel Shagrat pointed to an added benefit. “Once we move all the common people into Agenda 21 housing, you won’t have closet space for a lot of rolls of toilet paper. But for just a couple of hours’ labor a day, you can have all the toilet paper you need.”
Asked precisely how washing toilet paper was going to Save the Planet, Mr. Gullimoffin ruled that such a question was disrespectful to the office of the president and had White House guards take the questioner outside and shoot him.
9 comments on “Save the Planet by Laundering Your Toilet Paper”
Wow, Lee. Please don’t give them any more ideas! At least suggest that Joe Collidge be involved in the trial program.
There for a minute I thought you were serious! I’m sure our glorious government isn’t above such shenanigans.
Lee, I’ve started a radio program on a local Christian station up here in Maine. Could I do a fifteen minute interview with you sometime? I want to talk to you about wit, wisdom and current events. I might set the interview up by reading this post on air. I love your blog, books etc. I know, I know … I need to write a review on Amazon. Alas …. Maybe promoting your book on my show will be shabby second best. 😁😁
On Fri, Feb 19, 2016 at 2:21 PM, Lee Duigon wrote:
> leeduigon posted: “The Obama administration has granted $750 billion > (that’s billion with a b) to a company that is developing a way to wash > toilet paper so that it can be used again. “There’s no such thing as too > high a price when you’re fighting Climate Change,” said W” >
Mike, it would greatly please me to be a guest on your show. Just tell me when. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You know, I’ve done a number of radio interviews, and I have yet to be interviewed by anyone who has read any of my books. So I do expect to enjoy this!
How exciting! Please let us know when and how we can listen 🙂
Lee, you had me going there for a minute or two. I suppose I’m used to our government buying into ideas that don’t deliver and that cost the taxpayer lots. I never heard of Mike Heath but I’m happy for you that he wants to interview you. Please be sure to blog your experience.
I’ll post the interview, if I can manage the technology aspects (or get someone else to do it for me!).
They shot him?! That sounds barbaric.
You don’t want to take it too seriously.