College Requires ‘New Pronunciation’ of Words

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We have always been told that the proper way to pronounce the word “fjord” is “f’yord,” because it’s a Norwegian word and in Norwegian, the letter “j” is pronounced “y.”

But authorities at Fimbo College have ordered all students and staff to pronounce “fjord” as “fuh-jord,” with “j” as in “jump.” They have also ordered all students and staff to refer to fjords as bodies of water found not in Norway, but in Kansas. Failure to do so will incur a negative review for staff members and subtraction of a full grade point for students.

Why are they doing this?

“Requiring a new pronunciation of words is excellent training in obedience,” explained Myra Jidrool, student government president, 42, a senior majoring in Intersectional Palliative Gender Studies. “Once the Green New Deal goes into effect, obedience will be the only response allowed. This will greatly enhance our freedom!”

They’ve only just started acting on this policy, but Fimbo College already has a list of new pronunciations of words. The list includes “kay-mol” for “camel,” “sheert” for “shirt,” and “white supremacist dirtbag” for “man.” (This makes it awkward to say the word “Manhattan,” for example: but, explains Ms. Jidrool, “Unconditional obedience is the name of the game.”)

Student and staff objections to the new policy, she adds, will be dealt with “vairy harooshlay.”

9 comments on “College Requires ‘New Pronunciation’ of Words

  1. I’m at the point of believing everything they say and do is at least possible that they really mean it. But not so much that you do, of course. Funny piece.

  2. Oh, OK, that explains what I have been seeing in almost everything I try to read these days. More mis spellings, poor sentence structure, etc.

  3. The Bible says, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Words we use and how we use them pin point us. For example, those who spew forth profanities let me know instantly I don’t want to get any closer to them than I have to. I think of the movie, “My Fair Lady” and how Professor Higgins has the job of being a speech trainer.

    If you don’t want to loose your child, do not send them to a public school or college. There are just too many options to settle for the cheap.

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