We have always been told that the proper way to pronounce the word “fjord” is “f’yord,” because it’s a Norwegian word and in Norwegian, the letter “j” is pronounced “y.”
But authorities at Fimbo College have ordered all students and staff to pronounce “fjord” as “fuh-jord,” with “j” as in “jump.” They have also ordered all students and staff to refer to fjords as bodies of water found not in Norway, but in Kansas. Failure to do so will incur a negative review for staff members and subtraction of a full grade point for students.
Why are they doing this?
“Requiring a new pronunciation of words is excellent training in obedience,” explained Myra Jidrool, student government president, 42, a senior majoring in Intersectional Palliative Gender Studies. “Once the Green New Deal goes into effect, obedience will be the only response allowed. This will greatly enhance our freedom!”
They’ve only just started acting on this policy, but Fimbo College already has a list of new pronunciations of words. The list includes “kay-mol” for “camel,” “sheert” for “shirt,” and “white supremacist dirtbag” for “man.” (This makes it awkward to say the word “Manhattan,” for example: but, explains Ms. Jidrool, “Unconditional obedience is the name of the game.”)
Student and staff objections to the new policy, she adds, will be dealt with “vairy harooshlay.”