Lee Duigon

It’s Super Sunday! The Big Game! Hours and hours of pre-game palaver. Sit in front of the TV set and stuff your face. And don’t forget the Super Bowl commercials! And the halftime show! And hours of post-game analysis!

Here at my place we’ll be watching the old BBC Chronicles of Narnia. But if I didn’t have a movie collection, there are still many things I’d watch before I watched the Stupid Bowl. Water swirling down the drain in my kitchen sink. Pigeons and squirrels outside. Clouds. The ceiling. The floor.

I especially wish to avoid the tasteful, modest, celebrity-driven halftime show. As tasteful as a jackal retching. As modest as a Clinton. As entertaining and edifying as Klingon pornography.

Somewhere in the mix there’s supposed to be a football game. Who cares? Pwogwessives are going to abolish football pretty soon, anyway. Wait’ll you see what happens when Nancy Pelosi and Barbara Boxer go to work on it.

Narnia, here I come.

Now that we Americans are going to send women into combat, on purpose, there’s no reason why we should stop there.

We should send children into combat, too.

We are told that modern warfare really doesn’t much get into all that old-fashioned hand-to-hand stuff anymore: that, in fact, it’s more like a video game than anything else. And who’s better at video games than a kid? By the time he or she is twelve years old, a child has–in video games–slaughtered countless multitudes of zombies, rival gang members, space aliens, and other foes. To a kid, war will be just another video game.

While we’re at it, look at all the Social Security and healthcare money we could save by sending the elderly into combat, too. Instead of just sitting around watching Rachel Ray on TV, they can zero in on our country’s enemies and blow them to kingdom come.

By now everybody knows that the overarching mission of the U.S.  military is social engineering. The beauty of that is, you can keep plugging away at this mission even if you lose a war.

Hats off to our all-wise glorious leaders!

In the latest installment of Jack and the Pancakes, Moley is distracted from her campaign to expose the innocent Dr. Cleveland as “the Al Capone of crime” by a desire to write a best-selling novel. Her story, she explains, is set in the Renaissance “thousands of years ago,” and is about the great artist, Leandro da Vinchy, and his brother, Vinnie. “Renaissance means ‘Big Deal’ in Italian,” she explains to the Pancakes. “They lived in ruins back then, instead of houses. It was the thing to do.”

“Vinnie da Vinchy was not a great artist like his brother, but he was a master of disguise,” Moley tells the Pancakes. “He could disguise himself as a building, and he once disguised himself as a picnic table. People ate off him without knowing he was a guy.” In the most exciting part of the story, Leandro and Vinnie are riding in a stagecoach from Rome to Pizza when they’re attacked by Indians, and quickly have to shave their heads to avoid getting scalped.

When Jack objects to this horrendous abuse of history, the Pancakes tell him that Moley’s history is much better than his dull and boring history. Jack faints, and his Mountie hat falls off. “See? I knew it was an exciting story,” Moley says.

And that’s all for now, folks. The rest is unsuitable for publication in this uptight climate of political correctness.

“I’ve got a simple idea,” says Louis Seidman, a constitutional law professor at Georgetown University. “Let’s give up the Constitution.”

It’s simple, all right. Is there a law that says college professors have to be fools? This clown wants to junk the Constitution because it’s “archaic” and “downright evil.” He thinks we’ll get along just fine without it. I haven’t got space to go into his whole vacuous argument. Let this quote suffice:

“Even without constitutional fealty, the president would still be checked by Congress and by the states.” LOL “There is even something to be said for an elite body like the Supreme Court with the power to impose its views of political morality on the country.” I won’t repeat what I have to say about this opinion. You can probably guess.

Well, who needs a written Constitution, when we can be governed by the fleeting whims, venal schemes, and power-lust of a bunch of sinners and chowder-heads in Washington?

I wonder how much it costs to send your kid to Georgetown to learn how to be an amoral idiot.

I thought I’d seen it all, the other day, when I viewed a TV commercial entitled “Happy Anniversary, Baby.” In it, some black guy with a shaved head sits with a long-stemmed rose and a glass of wine, chattering romantically to someone or something offstage about “our anniversary.”

What’s he celebrating? I never would have guessed it. The 4oth anniversary of Roe v. Wade, of course–which made abortion “legal” without benefit of any legislation, and has since led to the slaughter of over 50 million American babies.

Even gaudier than the evil of this ad is its sheer, incredible stupidity. Hey, Mr. Black Actor with the shaved head! Don’t you know that African-American babies are aborted at a rate several times that of any other group? Don’t you know that last year, about 50% of the black babies conceived in New York were aborted? Don’t you know that one of the stated purposes of Planned Parenthood, when it was founded by Margaret Sanger, was to rid the world of the “Negro” race? Go and look it up, you idiot!

But today, again in conjunction with the 40th anniversary of Roe v. Wade, I read something even worse.

Did you know–I didn’t!–that a bunch of moral imbeciles masquerading as ordained clergy have gotten together to form the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice? “Reproductive Choice,” of course, means abortion. So it’s really Liberal Pseudo-Christians for Abortion. And here is a quote from a pair of United Methodist ministerettes speaking for the Coalition in celebration of Roe v. Wade:

“We seek to be a voice crying out to prepare the way for the Lord to bring about a new era of reproductive justice for our families and communities.”

“Reproductive justice” means abortion. So they are asking Jesus Christ, who loved little children, to bless the massacre of the unborn. Blasphemy.

Just for the record, the UMC objects to the pair going beyond the denomination’s “nuanced stand” on abortion. Yes, we have found the nuance in “Thou shalt not kill.” The United Methodist Church is not on record for wanting to abort all babies. Just some of them.

Mene, Mene, Tekel, Upharsin…

I really didn’t want to write about this, but the media keeps shoving it under my nose–and it stinks.

First consider the following, from the Bible: And upon a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat upon his throne, and made an oration unto them. And the people gave a shout, saying, “It is the voice of a god, and not of a man!” And immediately the angel of the Lord smote him, because he gave not God the glory: and he was eaten of worms, and gave up the ghost. (Acts 12:21-23)

On Jan. 18, the online edition of Newsweek trumpeted this headline–The Second Coming–over a profile picture, a mug shot, of Barack Obama. Obviously the news-distorting media see this person as a god. They’ve done it before and they’re doing it now. You can see video of Al Roker, once a man who had some smatch of honor and integrity, carrying on like a 14-year-old groupie when he sees Obama.

Herod Agrippa claimed to be a Jew; but when the pagans from Tyre and Sidon hailed him as a god, he didn’t venture to correct them. We can easily imagine him smirking, until the angel of the true God smote him.

Obama claims to be a Christian, ROFL. But he hasn’t corrected any of these media morons who liken him to Christ. He just smirks and purrs. For the record, when Paul and Barnabas visited the city of Lystra, in Asia Minor, and the people of the city hailed them as the pagan gods Jupiter and Mercury come down to earth–and indeed were about to sacrifice some oxen to them!–the two apostles strenuously corrected the error. (Acts 14:11-18) : And with these sayings scarce restrained they the people, that they had not done sacrifice unto them (v. 18).

What do you suppose this jerk in the White House would do if some pagans from the media wanted to sacrifice a couple of cows to him?

In not protesting and rejecting these extravagant depictions of himself as Christ, Obama has committed a grievous sin for which he will be sternly judged.

I think his worshipers will be in trouble, too.

Here is a short list of things I’d rather watch than the inauguration, following a highly suspect re-election, of a highly suspect “president.”

–Anything done by the Three Stooges. Or even by only two stooges.

–Honey Boo-Boo trying to learn how to imitate a human being.

–A football game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and a bunch of nudists.

–Ants.

–My computer’s screen saver.

–Anything at all, really.

So don’t ask me if I saw it, or listened to it. I didn’t.