‘The Last Banquet’ in Paperback, at Last

The fourth book of my Bell Mountain series, The Last Banquet, is now available in paperback. You can order it via amazon.com, or save a couple of bucks by ordering it directly from The Chalcedon Foundation (www.chalcedon.edu –click on “Store,” then “Books,” then “Fiction”).

Please try to buy it before they outlaw it or something.

I am typing up the last few chapters of The Palace. Soon I will have to send my baby off to college–that is, to be edited–and fuss and fret until graduation (publication).

I don’t know quite how to explain the feeling of a book passing out of my hands after such a long and intimate association with it. It’s not altogether pleasurable, I can tell you that.

But–heheheh!–wait’ll you read the climax of this thing!

Yet Another Movie in Which Everybody Buys the Farm

I’d like to take this opportunity to warn you off Quarantine (2009), starring no one in particular, which I’ve just aborted after about half of it.

Extra warning: a lot of this is shot with a hand-held camera, and it will make you ill if you’re susceptible to motion sickness. I’m not, but my wife is.

My problem with it was that I’m not entertained by the gratuitous suffering of my fellow human beings. So when the fireman had to chop up the little girl with his axe, I bailed out. Last straw, enough already…

I’m not a prude when it comes to movie violence, although this movie’s violence was inexcusably graphic. But when it’s in there for no real reason, when the characters have no way out, when I get the impression that the whole thing’s been staged to see if they can gross out an audience jaded by extremely nasty video games–well, that’s when I pull the plug.

Do yourselves a favor, and watch something else.

An Untold Tale of Narnia

I am convinced there is a book missing from C.S. Lewis’ Narnia series–a book that should have been written, but wasn’t. And I sort of believe that Lewis knew what that book was and would have gotten around to writing it someday, if only he’d lived longer.

My wife and my editor say I should get permission from Lewis’ estate and write the book myself. Well, I dunno… The Narnia books are, I should say, inimitable. There are writers who are as good as C.S. Lewis was, but I’ve never seen anyone who could do certain things as well as Lewis did them.  No one, for instance, but no one, was better than C.S. Lewis at giving you a whole character in just a few sentences, when anyone else would have needed a whole page. And who else would ever think of, and dare to do it, putting Father Christmas into the middle of a Narnia story?

Meanwhile, let me check my instincts against yours, dear readers. What do you think the unwritten Narnia book would be about?

More Progress!

I have written up the climax of The Palace. Whew! I can’t believe how much I got done, these last two days.

I dassn’t tell you much about it, for fear of undercutting my already pathetic sales; but I think I can safely say the concluding chapters of this book will knock your socks off.

I’ve been on this job since March, and I know I’m going to miss it when it’s done, and miss it badly… But that’s all the more reason to get started on the next one!

A Progress Report

The Last Banquet has at last been printed, and should become available any day now.

Meanwhile, I’m coming down the home stretch with The Palace, the sixth book in the series. I’ve entered that phase of writing where it’s hard to tear myself away to do anything else. Yes, it’s the climax: the great big hoo-hah at the end that has to justify all the buildup. I knew from the beginning what the climax of the story was going to be, but actually writing it, well, that’s the tricky part. But so far God has guided me. He’ll bring the ship to port: I just follow my Captain’s orders.

As for Book #5, The Fugitive Prince, I’ll be happy if it comes out a year from now. The editors haven’t gotten to it yet, and it needs a cover. As usual, I can’t wait to see what artist Kirk DouPonce comes up with. His covers have all been dynamite so far.

Now, if I can just get you to buy the blessed things…!

Tolkien Recites a Poem–in Elvish

J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle Earth fantasies, only two of which were published during his lifetime (The Hobbit and the trilogy, The Lord of the Rings) were the product of long decades of focused imagination. He worked on them for most of his long life.

In the process of shaping his imaginary world, he created languages. The most fully-realized of these was Quenya, more popularly known as “Elvish.”  Remember, Tolkien was a scholar who had a gift for difficult foreign languages. While still in his teens, he taught himself to speak Welsh and Finnish. (Go ahead, try it yourself!) So, as created languages go, Tolkien’s Elvish is pretty much top-of-the-line.

A friend recently sent me this recording–made some years before Lord of the Rings was published–of Tolkien reciting his poem, “Namarie,” in Elvish. Listen:

http://io9.com/5941544/listen-to-jrr-tolkien-read-his-poem-namarie-in-elvish

One commenter sees in this nothing but “an elderly gentleman reciting gibberish.” Personally, I find it fascinating and compelling–offering the very faintest hope that maybe, just a little-bit maybe, Middle Earth might be real, after all. More than that, I find it soothing.

No one understood better than Tolkien the use of fantasy as escape. And there’s plenty we want to escape from! I mean, you could lose your mind trying to make sense of American foreign policy these days. To watch our nation governed by wicked fools is something we might well want to break away from, now and then.

As a Christian, Tolkien was instrumental in converting C.S. Lewis out of atheism. So I am sure he never intended “escape” to be a substitute for prayer, for Bible-reading, for communing with the living God who can, and often does, take us under the shelter of His wings. There is no substitute for that.

But we fantasy writers who consciously try to serve God, who try in our own small way and in our own peculiar field to advance the Kingdom of Christ… well, we appreciate a little Elvish now and then.

Atheists Claim ‘Symptoms’ When They See the Cross

According to a lawsuit filed in New York by American Atheists Inc., atheists suffer “debilitating symptoms” of various kinds when they behold any Christian religious symbol–especially the Cross. These include fierce headaches, shortness of breath, sleepless nights, and the heeby-jeebies, their lawyer told the court. If you wonder why so many people despise lawyers, this should give you a clue.

The suit seeks the only remedy acceptable to the plaintiffs–the forcible removal from public view of all Christian symbols.  All in the name of tolerance, of course.

Now, let’s see… Who else do we know of who has such powerful negative reactions to seeing the cross? Hmmm… (Jeopardy music in the background)…

Oh, wait! I know! I know!

Dracula has that kind of reaction to the cross.

It is obvious that the plaintiffs in this case are vampires. *sigh* Where’s Peter Cushing when you need him?

Get Ready for Freddy

Would you like to read something that’s clean and wholesome and playful enough for children, but also witty, subtle, and clever enough for any adult who doesn’t take himself too seriously?

I had to go back to my childhood for these treasures–the various adventures of Freddy the Pig, by Walter R. Brooks (d. 1958). Brooks created Mr. Ed, the talking horse, but the Freddy books were his magnum opus. I loved them when I was in grammar school. I love them even more now.

Freddy is a talking pig who is a poet, a detective, banker, newspaper editor, polar explorer, magician, and several other things. He lives on the Bean farm near the Adirondacks with many other talking animals. The farmer, Mr. Bean, has never been quite comfortable with this.

If you’ve ever wondered how a spider might deliver a lecture, how a cow might cope with a swing, or how a pig might fare at flipping flapjacks, these books are for you. You might wish to start with the first of the series, Freddy Goes to Florida, and read them in order. Or simply grab the first one you can get and just dive in.

Among my favorites are Freddy Goes Camping, Freddy Plays Football, and Freddy and the Ignormus. There are dozens of these, and to this day I haven’t read them all–which gives me something exquisitely pleasant to look forward to.  All are illustrated by the great Kurt Wiese.

If you’re a sophomoric sap committed to a vision of radical despair, maybe the Freddy books can’t do much for you. You won’t be interested in Mr. Webb the spider’s movie career, or Uncle Solomon the screech owl’s penetrating criticisms of Freddy’s poetry. But if your breath can still fog a mirror, I suspect these books will do you good.

I’m not sure I can get away with classifying these as fantasy. Then again, I don’t know what else you’d call them… other than a gift from God.

Announcing: The Last Banquet for Kindle

Announcing The Last Banquet: Bell Mountain, 4 in Kindle format! Click below to purchase!

Paperback copy coming soon.

Another Fantasy Flop

Here’s another fantasy film not to waste your time on: the 2010 remake of Clash of the Titans, starring some guy named Sam along with Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes. How do big stars like Neeson and Fiennes wind up in a turkey like this?

I don’t suppose the Perseus story is as well-known today as it was when I was a kid at Y  Camp, and the counselor told the story over the campfire and gave us all the chills. But you’d think a story that’s stuck around for some 3,500 years wouldn’t need too much improvement. After all, Perseus had great adventures; and we can look up at the night sky and see constellations named after characters in this story–Cepheus, Cassiopeia, Andromeda, and Perseus himself.

But, no–not good enough for Hollywood! They “improved” the Perseus story by adding a whole bunch of computer effects, crazy architecture that looks more like one of Harry Potter’s nightmares than it looks like ancient Greece, and a kind of post-modern and utterly unedifying spin on the mythology. There is something going on in this muddled screenplay that is insulting both to religion and to humanism. I guess that’s what happens when you mix theology with cocaine.

So, we have yet another example of how difficult it is to create a really satisfying fantasy. Then again, Hollywood these days is having difficulties creating anything that satisfies.

P.S.–In the most annoying scene in the movie, Perseus jazzes up a swordfight by jumping eight feet into the air and doing the usual kung-fu movie somersaults. Aw, gimme a break!