[From an original witticism by “Watchman”]
It was bound to happen.
The newly-elected governor of Democratistan, Wanda Byyaduk, has handed down a brand-new mandate requiring everyone in her state to wear clown shoes. “The science is settled!” she proclaimed. “We must all wear clown shoes because COVID! It’s the only way to protect ourselves from stepping on a spot of virus on the sidewalk.”
State officials, she added, will be exempt from the mandate: “We don’t want to look silly,” she said. “But it’s vital that everybody else wear these. Failure to do so will be punished severely!”
She would neither confirm nor deny that soon another mandate will call for bright red plastic noses to be worn over face masks. “Don’t cheese me off!” she warned reporters. “There’s another mandate in the hopper that will require you plebs to walk sideways.”
Blue state governors nationwide hailed Ms. Byyaduk’s mandate as “The new thing–it’ll really show ’em who’s boss!” “We’ll be scurrying to catch up and pass her,” said California Gov. Gavin Noisome. “Like, we’ll see your clown shoes and raise you a pointy hat!”