My Newswithviews Column, April 8 (‘The Next Big Lockdown’)

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People are growing increasingly hysterical over COVID. But COVID’s nothing, nothing at all, compared to Systemic Racism! Ask any scientist.

But here is the solution!

The Next Big Lockdown

Yes–lock down everybody, forever. It’s the only way to be sure nobody has a chance to practice racism.

They might still think racist thoughts or harbor racist feelings, but we’ll have to get to that aspect of the problem later on.

Where there’s a government, there’s a way of suppressing people!

L.A. Teachers: Hell, No, They Won’t Go (Back to Work)

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So who wants to go back to work?

People are getting antsy, all over America, after a year of COVID restrictions screwing up our lives. And one of the particulars of their discontent is… the public schools, in many states, are still closed.

Facing a recall election, California Gov. Gavin Noisome is trying to get his state’s schools re-opened; but the teachers’ union absolutely refuses to go back to work (

Ah! But Spring Break is almost here! And so…

“LA teachers’ union warns members about sharing vacation photos due to bad optics.

What? What do they mean, “bad optics”? Defective camera lenses?

No. What they mean is, they don’t want parents seeing pictures on Facebook of overpaid teachers partying in Cancun while regular people stay home and suffer. That would be “bad optics.”

Quote of the day: “As much as educators long to be back to in-person instruction…” Honk if that didn’t make you laugh out loud.

So 91% of the union’s members recently voted against going back to work. They are still paid their full salaries, with benefits, for talking at a nice, well-behaved TV camera instead of a classroom full of unruly kids who’ve been out of school too long.

And the reason the union gives, of course, is “Because COVID.” Actually, children aren’t very susceptible to COVID. Many church schools, and some public schools, have been open for months without a problem. COVID also doesn’t seem to affect supermarket checkout clerks. To say nothing of rioters. You’d think the rioters would be dropping like flies.

No end of mischief has ensued following the government takeover of local school districts. Once upon a time the people who used the schools and paid for them… owned them! They decided who taught in their schools, and what was taught. But the public has been stripped of any vestige of control over its own educational choices.

End public education. Pull the Christian children out and the whole thing collapses. End it now. Let the teachers’ union layabouts go off to Arabia and get jobs as oil sheiks–if they can.

Newest Mandate! Clown Shoes

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[From an original witticism by “Watchman”]

It was bound to happen.

The newly-elected governor of Democratistan, Wanda Byyaduk, has handed down a brand-new mandate requiring everyone in her state to wear clown shoes. “The science is settled!” she proclaimed. “We must all wear clown shoes because COVID! It’s the only way to protect ourselves from stepping on a spot of virus on the sidewalk.”

State officials, she added, will be exempt from the mandate: “We don’t want to look silly,” she said. “But it’s vital that everybody else wear these. Failure to do so will be punished severely!”

She would neither confirm nor deny that soon another mandate will call for bright red plastic noses to be worn over face masks. “Don’t cheese me off!” she warned reporters. “There’s another mandate in the hopper that will require you plebs to walk sideways.”

Blue state governors nationwide hailed Ms. Byyaduk’s mandate as “The new thing–it’ll really show ’em who’s boss!” “We’ll be scurrying to catch up and pass her,” said California Gov. Gavin Noisome. “Like, we’ll see your clown shoes and raise you a pointy hat!”

Supreme Court Almost Kind Of Defends Religious Liberty

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All right–for the time being, rules the Supreme Court, California can’t have a total ban on indoor worship services ( Can’t do that, said six of the nine judges (all the libs wanted to keep the ban… of course).

But all the other restrictions, the court allowed to remain in place. No singing. Limited number of worshipers allowed to come inside. All the court did was to allow a few people to venture into a house of worship.

Yeah, we’re still waking up in Mandatistan every day–where there is no legislation, no debate, no compromise: just a lot of “mandates” handed down by tinpot tyrants who never apply them to themselves.

The court could have sided with the plaintiffs all the way, and told Gov. Noisome no, you can’t keep people out of church, you can’t prohibit them from singing or praying together, you can’t limit the church to 25% capacity. They could’ve done those things, but didn’t.

Justices Kavanagh and Barrett, whom we fought for, prayed for, and defended–guess what? They’ve let us down again! It seems they’re pretty cool with most of the restrictions.

“Permission to worship God, O master!”

“Permission denied!”

Starting to sound like the Book of Exodus, isn’t it?

P.S.–Y’know what I’d like to see ’em restrict in California? A “Pride” parade! Go on, California–restrict that! I dare you.