G’day, boys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, to usher you into a glorious weekend of otherwise unobtainable TV viewing. Here’s just a teensy-weensy taste of what awaits you!
Saturday
11:04 a.m. Ch. 51 MONTREAL EXPOS BURNOUT THEATER–Indescribable
Former reserve outfielder Bombo Rivera hosts classic dramas starring the Montreal Expos’ bench instead of real actors and actresses! This week: Hamlet, with infielder Coco LaBoy in the title role. Sponsored by Allez-Oop Pest Control.
4:18 p.m. Ch. 31 MOVIE–Sentimental slop
In Voyage of the U.S.S. Grand Mammoo (1960, 254 minutes), we see what happens when a destroyer captain ( wrestling legend Lou Albano) becomes obsessed with weird voices he hears coming from the cookie jar . The ship’s psychiatrist (Donald Pleasance) can’t help–he hears ’em, too!
Sunday
5:18 a.m. Ch. 22 TUNGUSKA HOG-CHOKERS VS. INDIANAPOLIS DUST–“Tough Man competition”
Can you run into a brick wall at top speed–and still be able to chug-a-lug a quart of buttermilk? Join host Alan Dingbat as he totals up the carnage: team with the last man standing wins! Color: William “Flat-Face” Jones.
Well, guys, those shows ought to get you started! Some of the wombats around here started their own Tough Man competition… but the ant-eaters beat them to it.
Byron the Quokka, signing off.