Tag: crazy television

Byron’s TV Listings (May 1) REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1963

Wow! Here on Rottnest Island, it’s almost time for Deputy Dawg! But first a word about this week’s TV listings, brought to you by Quokka U. If we can raise enough money, we can buy one of those air-boats like they had in “Everglades.” Now all we need is a swamp!

Byron the Quokka here, and here’s a sample of this weekend’s fabulous television.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 03   THE BLOODY PIRATES OF SKELETON ISLAND–Adventure

The pirates swoop down on a wagon train in the middle of the prairie and suddenly discover they’ve lost their ship! Cap’n Cod: Lorne Green  Clambrain: John Kerry   Marvin the Talking Ox: Howard Cosell

Ch. 05   NEWS WITH STEVE THE HAMSTER–News

Who says the news anchor has to be human? As Steve runs faster and faster in his hamster wheel, news stories fly out from the bottom and Ed McMahon digs them out of the cedar shavings and reads them for the camera.

6:36 P.M.  Ch. 46   SHERPA TO THE STARS–Travel

Hollywood superstars love to climb the Himalayas! And Sherpa Gutzu Lhotsa Sope is the man who guides them to the summits. Even if he doesn’t always come down with the same celebrities with which he went up. With Andrew Cuomo and his orchestra.

7 P.M.  Ch. 10  HOPALONG HAGGIS–Scottish Western

Hopalong Haggis really does have to propel himself by hopping along on alternate feet, but that doesn’t stop him from solving crimes for the Phnom Penh C.I.D. in Cambodia, with whom he communicates telepathically. This week: someone’s left the water running. Hopalong: Harry Wong   Sgt. MacPherson: Sid Fernandez   Mrs MacGavin: Linzy Kagemusha

Ch. 12  TITUS ANDRONICUS–Cartoons

Shakespeare’s gory mess makes for hilarious cartoons! Host: Suitcase Simpson.

Ch. 17  MOVIE–Tragicomedy

“Lost in the Outback” (1958) features the Bowery Boys being picked off one by one by rogue kangaroos and vengeful wandering minstrels. Filmed in Brooklyn but made to look just like the Australian wilderness, give or take a few cars and sidewalks. Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall.  Rogue kangaroo trainer: Loretta Young. Suspicious-looking Rock: Tommy Lee Jones.

Well, there you have it! I can’t wait to see “Lost in the Outback.” A lot of ninnies get lost in the Outback. Some of them get lost looking for it. They think it’s somewhere “out back.”

I hope our university opens soon.

DMD Disease Treatment - Quokka Cure | Particle

Byron’s TV Listings, March 4

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

CTVA - US TV Listings - 1974

Jambo, boys and girls! Byron the Quokka here. Are you ready to rock? Are you ready to roll? Or would you rather just stretch out on the couch and watch the fabulous TV shows that we’ve lined up for you? Like these, for instance:

7 P.M.  Ch. 41  LADDIE THE GATOR–Drama (of a sort)

This show was an attempt to one-up Lassie–if a collie can do it, surely an alligator can! This week: Laddie has to figure out the combination of the lock before Grandpa Jeb (Jose Cuervo) suffocates inside the airtight steamer trunk. And the June Taylor Dancers (themselves) keep distracting him! Grandma: Cheryl Ladd. Fritz the Alpaca: Himself.

Ch. 54  NEWS FOR NUDES–News & commentary

Everyone seen in this broadcast is stark naked! (You’ll be amazed by how en-erotic that can be!) Tonight: Anchorman Ted Koppel gets stuck to his chair, Sen. Mitch McConnell delivers a speech from his shower, and Buffalo City Councilwoman Mandy Pumps freezes to death, leading a protest march.

7:30 P.M.  Ch. 08  TOM DUNG, PRIVATE EYE–Crime drama

The world’s most accident-prone private detective (Yuan Shih-Kai) finds his life in danger after he falls into an open man-hole. Can Junior (Roy Rogers) pull him out? Or will Junior fall in, too? Criminal Who Gets Away: H.P. Lovecraft. Song: “I’m in the Mood for a Blubber Sandwich.”

7:38 P.M.  Ch. 09  MOVIE–Unbearable suspense

In “I Wake Up in High School” (Latvian, 1967: 364 minutes)), Moe Howard stars as noted physicist Hector Lopez (with the real Hector Lopez playing the real Moe Howard), grappling with tainted orange juice supplied by the KGB. Mrs. Malloy: Susan Anton. Russian Chess Master: Joe Besser. Larry and Curly: Themselves. Is this how time travel was invented?

8 P.M.  Ch. 22   LASSO THIS!–Western drama

Trail boss Ingemar Thorlaksson (Willie Mosconi) can’t figure out why his herd of longhorns keeps disappearing on the way to Peking. Could it be because he keeps driving them into the Pacific Ocean, mistaking it for Butler’s Creek in Kansas? Chief drover Rowdy Patel (Rod Stewart) tries to convince him to drive the herd to Dodge City instead. Mrs. Abernathy: a member of the studio audience. Gerald: He’s outside on the sidewalk.

Well! I’ll betcha anything you’ll want to see every show we’ve got! I think I saw Mrs. Abernathy in a movie once. It was one of those samurai movies, with Shakespeare.

Quokkas: why we need to look beyond the smile - Australian Geographic

Hurry up with those snacks! You don’t want to miss anything! Byron the Quokka signing off.

Byron’s TV Listings, Oct. 23

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

TV Guide 10-16 September 1966

G’day, Jambo, Hello! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of rusticating TV brought to you by Quokka University, where we don’t have any courses going yet–really, it’s more fun collecting these little-known TV shows.

Here’s a sample of this weekend’s treasures:

8 P.M.  Ch. 14   THE WHALLTONS–Drama/Schmaltz

This knockoff of The Waltons was incredibly popular for two episodes; then the network pulled it, fearing a massive lawsuit. Today you could probably get away with transforming “the Waltons” into a cave-dwelling tribe of albino vampires; but back then, no way. This week’s episode: John Bat-Boy (Marcel Marceau) abducts Miss Teenage America (Margaret Hamilton)–only Poppa Bat wants to eat her. With Sam the Sham and the Pharaohs.

Ch. 26  WEEKLY NEWS WITH PORKY PIG–News

The FCC is gonna kill us for airing this! Porky stumbles and stutters through the week’s top news stories, with ineffective help from Elmer Fudd and crazed interruptions by Daffy Duck. Guest commentator: Howard Cosell.

8:06 P.M.  Ch. 64   A MAN CALLED FOO-FOO–Western

Who is this mysterious stranger who roams the Old West, forcing people to play dodge-ball whether they want to or not? This week, a former UFO abductee (Al Roker) threatens to reveal Foo-Foo’s real name. Rabbi Jones: Jackie Gleason. The Egyptologist: A man who looks like Nehru. Tubgoat Annie: Heather Locklear.

8:12 P.M.  Ch. 92  MOVIE–Horror/Science Fiction/Drivel

In “Ow! My Aching Coccyx” (1963), the Bowery Boys (Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall) square off against the June Taylor Dancers for control of a star-gate that takes you to New Jersey. Special guest star: Leandro the Giant Jellyfish. Not so special guest star: Yoko Ono.

8:30 P.M.  Ch. 18   FIND THAT ANTIDOTE!–Game Show

Celebrity contestants (Emanuel Macron, Lynda Schprunckt, Whoopi Goldberg, Hunter Biden) have been secretly injected with a deadly drug and have just 20 minutes to find the antidote! Host: Vincent Price. With T.S. Eliot and Buster Crabbe.

Well! That selection ought to get you going, or I’m a platypus! I’m also a major fan of Leandro the Giant Jellyfish, who used to be on TV a lot, a long time ago. I wonder what happened to him.

306 Quokka Happy Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock