I’ll have more to say about this later. Literary crimes are being perpetrated today that hadn’t been invented yet in 2014.
I think back to those days when literary agents and editors used to keelhaul new writers for even the slightest lapses in style and grammar–while at the same time, publishing stuff that was barely recognizeable as English.
If you can’t talk intelligently, you can’t think intelligently.
The prosecution rests, your honor.
Overheard in the stands at a ballgame: overdressed lady asks for a hot dog “with the works.” Vendor replies, “Lady, this is Yankee Stadium. You get a hot dog, a bun, and some mustard. That’s the works.”
And that’s how you learn to write dialogue. You listen.
Yes, there are a thousand ways to write bad dialogue. It’s a shame we encounter them in books we’ve paid for.
One of the worst books I’ve ever tried to read. But I wasn’t getting paid to read it, so I stopped.
In writing dialogue, especially in a fantasy or a historical novel, there has to be a happy medium between “I feel ya, dude” and “Yea, forsooth, thou barkest up ye wrong tree.” That happy medium is plain English.
Yes, I know–tons of books have been published in which plain English is simply not to be found. Some of them have even been best-sellers. But that doesn’t make them any less abominable.
Someday our age will be called to account for Robert Ludlum and Jean Auel; and it won’t be pretty.
Boy, there’s nothing that gut-shoots a novel like bad dialogue! I am sorry to say you find more of it in fantasy than in any other genre. For every “What’s it to ya?” tossed up by detective stories, fantasy can counter with a double dose of “I prithee, sweet prince, hast thou a big deal goin’ down?”
This is what they call in the swordsmanship schools “a secret technique.” Only I’m talking about writing, not swordsmanship.
Where do you find great dialogue?
From real life.
Yesterday, at the Chinese restaurant, I paid for my order and, as I was leaving, said to the cashier, “Ta-ta.”
“Ta-ta? What’s that?” he asked.
“It means bye-bye,” I said; and drawing on my meager stock of Chinese, added, “Tsai-chien.”
Whereupon he smiled and replied, “Adios!”
Or this one, from a day at the ballpark: a woman called to the vendor, “I’ll have a hot dog–with the works!”
He answered, with a show of great patience, “Lady, this is Yankee Stadium. You get a hot dog, a roll, and a little mustard. That’s the works.”
Keep your ears peeled for the way real people really talk. They’ll often surprise you with nice bits you can use in your writing.