Tag: King Lear

Shaik-Speer He Was A Racist!!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Justice in King Lear – how to construct an answer… | leavingcertenglish.net

We was goingto Has a Dragg Queeen Stroy Hower to-day but insted we hased a Lexture aboat Shaik-Speer,, he was a Racist and the prefesser whoo Gived the Lexture she has to ware a Dunts Cap becose she usedto “teech” Shaik-Speer “and” nevver toled her Class that “he” “was” “a” Racist!!!!!

The lexture was awl aboat this heer Play he rote it was caled “King Leer” and evry boddy in it thay “All” dyed!!!!!!!!! He aslo rote a TV shoaw caled “The Nekkid Citty” it was aboat “a” hole citty ful Of Noodists!!! and she toled us abuot anether Play he rote caled “Dog My Cats” and she sayed “That thare Play it was so full of Bad-ness, “it maikes “King Leer look lyke a Tradegy!!!”!

Now iff Shaik-Speer he wasnt a Racist thenn the Play it wood of hadded Minorites in it insted of jist Wyte Peeple and King Leer he “wood of” bin a king of somb plaice in Mecksiko and he woodof bin “a” Queen insted of a King!!!!!! Wye dint the Govvermint in Inglind infestigait Shaik-Speer and senser al his Playes??? and the prefesser she sayed “i amb heer to Tell yiu” that “yiu shoodnt reed Oar whatch no Shaik-Speer Playes or TV shoze becose of wat A “Big” Racist he was”!!”” and anny boddy that “we ketch reeding” Shaik-Speer “thay whill be kicked Out “of” Collidge”!!””

I amb so mutch Smarter nhow becose i heered “that thare” Lexture!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting Room TV (*sigh*)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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I had to accompany my wife to the doctor’s this afternoon, and sit in the waiting room with the TV. It’s just so awful. And even if it weren’t awful, you can make anything awful by interrupting it with commercials featuring goofy people dancing maniacally to horrible music. King Lear couldn’t survive that.

Then there was the show, in between commercials. Incredibly Diverse FBI SWAT team takes down murderous gang of evil white guys. I find it very hard to believe that FBI SWAT teams are staffed by hundred-pound twinkies with perfect hair who can easily flatten any 250-pound male villain foolish enough to challenge her. I also find it hard to believe that every major ethnic group is, in fact, represented in every SWAT team.

So the Asian-American good guy finally gets the upper hand of the loathsomely vicious top villain (who’s already killed several innocent people) and claps a judo choke hold on him–a real one, to my surprise: hadaka-jime, if you want to know–and is about to finish him off for good when one of the twinkies says, “Stop! You’re better than that!” Bruce Willis would’ve said “Not really,” and it’d be lights out for the bad guy. But Bruce Willis wouldn’t’ve been caught dead in this extravaganza. Ditto Denzel Washington. I am so glad Denzel doesn’t do TV. There are jobs for these guys in Obann, if they want ’em.

It’s not that contemporary commercial TV underestimates the viewers’ intelligence. Their position seems to be that the viewers have no intelligence at all.

And I am sure there are shows out there that make this one look like a Mensa entrance exam.

 

Ms. Crepuscular’s Estonian Folk Tale (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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In Chapter CLXXXI of Violet Crepuscular’s interminable epic romance, Oy, Rodney, we get the pleasant little Estonian folk tale we were promised in Chapter CLXXX. It is intended to tide us over while Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s foot heals from being accidentally shot by the American adventurer, Willis Twombley.

We are not convinced that this is a genuine Estonian folk tale, but it will have to suffice.

Once upon a time, King Patrick of Estonia had three daughters but no sons. Needing a male successor, the king advertised in the newspapers for suitable princes to marry his daughters. Meanwhile, he questioned his daughters to see which of them loved him the most.

“I love you so much, O father of mine, that it makes my socks roll up and down,” said the eldest, Princess Jackie.

“That’s nothing,” said the second eldest, Princess Foozle. “If every ant in India brought me a gold doubloon, it still wouldn’t be enough to buy my love for you. And there are an awful lot of ants in India!” We are assured that “Foozle” is a genuine Estonian girl’s name of great antiquity, but we are at liberty not to believe it.

But the youngest, Princess Chimney, answered, “I guess I love you as much as I’m supposed to. I mean, you’re okay.” Outraged by this answer, the king marries Chimney off to a beggar with dandruff. Meanwhile, he marries Jackie to the Duke of Flatbush and Foozle to Prince Huitzilxochitl of Kizzuwatna.

(“It’s jist the kinda thing them dam’ Hittites always used to do,” interjects Twombley. “Asia Minor went to pot when they moved in.”)

The two eldest princesses turned against their father and divided up his kingdom, putting him on public assistance.

But Chimney’s husband turned out to be the Emperor of Peedle in disguise. His fantastically large army conquered Estonia and restored King Patrick to his throne, and sent the now-impoverished elder daughters and their husbands into a humiliating exile. They were last seen begging for food in Detroit.

“And that,” concludes Ms. Crepuscular, “was enough to make the king leer!”