Tag Archives: everything is racist

April 19, 2019

Wye I dont Brusch my teeeth No Moar!!!

By leeduigon

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The grate Thing abuot Collidge “is” we lern stuff we nevver knowed befour!!

Frinstints, yeasterday i lernt that Brusching yore Teeeth it is Racist!!! Evry Wyte Parson who brusches his Teeeth he “is” “a” Racist!! and aslo “it” is No Good for Peple Of Culler to brusch thare Teeeth ether becose “that” it Is Acting Wyte!!!

Yiu wood be supprized at “all themb” Things thatt turns Out “to Be” Racist!! i amb so Gladd i swiched my Majer to Nothing Studdies becose now i amb lerning all kinda things Thay “are” Racist and yiu woodnt nevver know “It” iff yiu didnt Goto Collidge!!!

Hear are “some Moar” Things that “are” aslo Racist that yiu probly didnt Know abote:;- Sun Screeen, shooe laces,, maiking yore Bed ((evin thuohgh i nevver do that anyhow), Drinking Millk, whaching cat viddios {i dont do that neether!! i alreddy knowed that it is Racist],, Bying Stuff at the Stoar, and aslo that orinj stuff “thay calll” it Tang or som Thing!! i amb so Greatfull to Nothing Studdies becose thay teached me that!!!

I cant hardly Whaite untill i Gradurate and then get a Mastres Deeegree and than a PhuD and than I can “be” “a” Prefesser of Nothing Studdies!!!

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just for Fun, Public Education, satire

March 26, 2019

Hit British Cop Show: ‘Hate Squad!’

By leeduigon

Image result for images of inept cops

Follow the adventures of Chief Superintendent Wally Bilge as he tries to bring Station House 404 to the cutting edge of contemporary law enforcement!

In the pilot episode, Murder, Schmurder!, Bilge has to pry his detectives away from another stupid murder investigation so they can investigate a 9-year-old boy who called another boy “gay” on the school playground. Meanwhile, four uniformed officers investigate a day care center where, allegedly, a 2-year-old balked at eating spicy foreign food with live crickets in it, thereby raising suspicions that the child might be a racist! And he has to twist veteran Chief Inspector Chumley’s arm to get him to hunt down a man who put a decal of an English flag on his car–“You’ll find the nasty little oyk hates immigrants!” predicts the superintendent.

Hate Squad! specializes in stories “torn from the headlines.” As Chief Wally Bilge so often says, “We can’t prevent murders, robberies, or terrorist incidents. We can’t even bloody solve most of ’em. But one thing we can do is go full-throttle after hate! No one should ever be allowed to say, publish, or think anything–and I do mean anything!–that’s any less than 100% affirming and welcoming.”

I can hardly wait to see Episode 2, We’re Gonna Need a Bigger Jail.

6 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in Just for Fun, satire

March 23, 2019

‘Stupid Authorities Crash Down on 9-Year-Old for Calling Brownies “Brownies”‘ (2016)

By leeduigon

Image result for images of swat team breaking into classroom

“Some kid called a brownie a brownie!”

So, a snack was served at Collingwood Elementary School, a little boy said something about brownies–because that’s what they were serving–and next thing you know, “school officials”–there goes that doofus alarm again–police, the county prosecutor, and the New Jersey Division of Child Protection get involved.,. because somehow the mere mention of brownies, when brownies are actually present, constitutes “a racial incident” (https://leeduigon.com/2016/06/30/stupid-authorities-crash-down-on-9-year-old-for-calling-brownies-brownies/). Government goofs converge on the incident like sharks around a sinking ship.

https://leeduigon.com/2016/06/30/stupid-authorities-crash-down-on-9-year-old-for-calling-brownies-brownies/

Most of you have never had occasion to pass through Camden County, New Jersey. If you’ve ever seen it with your own eyes, you’ll marvel that any of these “authorities” find time to devote to imaginary “racial incidents”–I mean, just look at it!

But wherever Democrats rule–the correct term is “to serve in public office,” but these creeps “rule”–this is what you find: the whole place going to hell in a handbasket while the “authorities” dream up new ways to keep people stirred up about “racism.”

Shame, shame, shame on us for letting them do it.

14 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in news, Public Education

February 27, 2019

Now You’ve Heard Everything

By leeduigon

Image result for images of madame defarge knitting

They couldn’t have made this knitter grovel!

You’d think you’d be safe from the “biggit-biggit!” crowd, blogging about knitting. What could be a more peaceful, cozy pastime than knitting?

Wrong!

A knitting blogger made the mistake of writing about how excited she was over an upcoming trip to India–and that has mutated into “The knitting community is reckoning with racism” (https://swannews.com/news/the-knitting-community-is-reckoning-with-racism?uid=235073). No, this is not a satire.

Leftid trolls admonished her to “think about how your words feed into the colonial/imperialist mindset toward India and other non-Western countries,” blah-blah. ‘Cause everything is racist. The poor blogger likened her excitement over her trip to “being offered a seat on a flight to Mars.” Big mistake. Surely she couldn’t have meant that a trip to Mars would be tremendously exciting. She could only have meant to compare India to another planet. Biggit-biggit.

So she groveled. “It took women of color pointing this out for me…” They kick you in the face and then you lick their boots. Somehow the words “of color” have come to denote towering virtue and infallible wisdom. That deserves a raspberry.

So now you’re not allowed to get excited about visiting a foreign country, you’re not allowed to think of it as exotic or colorful or really very different from what you’re used to–no fun allowed! Not ever! You must not enjoy life!

Someday they’ll want to put you in jail for doing that.

 

8 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , | posted in news, Pop Culture

February 11, 2019

A Slippery, Groveling Worm

By leeduigon

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“Oh, that’s somebody else on my yearbook page!”

You gotta hand it to Democrats. Especially to Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam, who has begun to rival Houdini as an escape artist.

Just last week, he tried to push through a late-term abortion law that would allow you to womens-health a baby as it’s being born. Well, the country didn’t like that–a very big stink was raised. Seems infanticide has not yet gained widespread public acceptance.

Suddenly that’s all gone. Nobody’s talking about it anymore.

Because on the heels of this public relations disaster came another: someone leaked a picture of Northam from his 1984 medical school yearbook showing him, in blackface, hanging out with someone in a Ku Klux Klan outfit. Uh-oh: looks like the governor might be a racist! Hey, whatever happened to “It wasn’t me” in that picture? Never mind!

Now he’s gotta get out from under that; so yesterday he appeared on “CBS This Morning” to grovel for the camera and confess, “I was born in white privilege.” ( https://www.clickondetroit.com/news/politics/northam-says-hes-learned-implications-of-white-privilege).  The rest of the sentence, unspoken, goes, “which incidentally is something all you poor patzers out there are going to be punished for and blamed for everything that’s ever gone wrong in this country.” He didn’t have to say it; it’s already been said by every liberal in America.

See, now he understands why it’s wrong for a white man to appear in blackface, he never know that before but now he gets it. More groveling. “I’m still learning,” he said. Sort of like one of those self-criticism orgies during Mao Tse-tung’s Great Cultural Revolution. And lo and behold! Now Democrats want to let bygones be bygones, forgive and forget–and just imagine what we’d be hearing if the baby-bushwhacker were a Republican. Think the nooze media would want to forgive a Republican?

By cracky, he’s gonna wiggle out of it! No resignation. No riots. We haven’t even heard of any new Play-Doh orders for Virginia’s colleges.

The Democrat Party in America is something that all decent people can be ashamed of.

9 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , | posted in news

February 5, 2019

‘Robot Reporters’?

By leeduigon

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A New York Times article, “The Rise of the Robot Reporters,” says some of the big nooze agencies are now using robots to “write” routine news stories (https://www.nytimes.com/2019/02/05/business/media/artificial-intelligence-journalism-robots.html), freeing the live reporters for “more substantive work,” heh-heh.

Wait a minute! Don’t we already have robot reporters that look like people? Sure we do! That’s how they all wind up saying the same thing every night: it’s their programming. “[Problem whatever] is Donald Trump’s fault!” “It’s racism!” “Also that other thing is racism!” “Government has the answers!” “Global Warming causes cold weather!” And on and on and on they go.

Bloomberg News, says the Times article, uses a computer that can swiftly “analyze a financial report and spit out an immediate news story.” Superfluous–they already have human reporters that can spit out news stories. No one cares whether they’re true, as long as they’re all saying the same thing. Other nooze outlets use the robots to spit out sports stories.

I used to rewrite local sports when I was a newspaperman. It was boring! We did it because those stories had value for our readers–like when your kid has a big day in soccer. You clip out the article and put it in your scrapbook. It was rote work to us, but rather special to the readers: so we did it.

And now I’ve got to get out of here and write a Newswithviews column!

9 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in news, science news, Uncategorized

January 3, 2019

‘Little Kiddies’ “Racism” Up 33% in Britain, Government Says’ (2016)

By leeduigon

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“You dirty racist, you!”

Always bear in mind our recently-discovered principle: If liberals say something is a problem, it isn’t a problem. Like, for instance, rampant “racism” among Britain’s six and seven-year-old schoolchildren.

https://leeduigon.com/2016/12/29/little-kiddies-racism-up-33-in-britain-government-says/

Of course, when you call everything “racism,” then you just naturally wind up with a lot of “racists.” And then, forsooth, the government must act! For which they’ll need more money and more power, so fork it over.

No one can go very far wrong by taking as a given the untruthfulness of anything said by a leftid.

1 Comment   |  tags: , , , , | posted in news, Public Education

January 2, 2019

‘”You’re Still a Racist”‘ (2016)

By leeduigon

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Yeah, yeah, shaddapalready, we’ve heard it before–we’re all racists. That’s according to the United Church of Christ.

https://leeduigon.com/2016/06/08/youre-still-a-racist/

As a general rule of thumb, try this: Whatever liberals say is important is not important. Whatever they say is so, is not. So if they say all white people are racists, that means that in reality, very few white people are racists. If they say human activity is causing global temperatures to rise, that means it isn’t. You get the idea.

Once you realize that they’re lying all the time, it’s easy to laugh them off.

7 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in Pop Culture, religion

December 19, 2018

Captain Kirk vs. PC Mind Police

By leeduigon

As probably anyone might have predicted, the #MeToo Movement has gotten out of hand and become a parody of itself.

Just now, they’re busy doing Social Justice by getting Baby, It’s Cold Outside banned from the airwaves. So radio stations have been banning it, then re-instating it after normal people complain about the ban.

Up in Canada the fight for sanity is being led by 87-year-old and still-rockin’ William Shatner, famous for his role as Captain Kirk in Star Trek (and for a lot of other work, too). Shatner tweeted, “Call in to CBC [Canadian Broadcasting] radio all day and get them to play Baby, It’s Cold Outside until midnight.” He called the leftid twerps who want to ban the song a “Myopia Censorship Club” full of “2018 prudes.”

Yes, Bill–it’s this bizarre worldview in which the hookup culture shacks up with extreme prudery. How long they can maintain that incredible structure is anybody’s guess.

But see, if it wasn’t “#MeToo,” it’d just be something else. Like, every white person is a Racist. Every man is a sexual harasser. After a while, we don’t care anymore. The whole thing is about entitled schmendricks on the Left wanting to pick on everybody and lord it over them. So we all have to be guilty, which then gives them the right to bully us. They need us to be guilty.

A vote of thanks to William Shatner! He hasn’t backed down, and he’s inspired other normal persons to call in to radio stations and get the ban reversed.

Now, ordinarily I would never post on this blog a song like Baby, It’s Cold Outside. Really, it’s not my kind of thing and it has nothing to do with Christmas. If anything, it’s a sort of “winter festival” song, which means the lefties should love it. Anyway, I am making an exception now only because the tin-pot tyrants on the left forbid it. Take it away, Dean Martin!

8 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , | posted in news, Pop Culture

July 21, 2018

A Portland Tragicomedy

By leeduigon

Image result for images of pie in face

Portland, Oregon, sounds like a great place to avoid.

Recently two employees were fired by the Back to Eden vegan bakery for turning away a black woman who wanted to buy something after the shop was closed and the “Open” sign turned off (https://www.wnd.com/2018/07/employees-fired-for-denying-black-woman-service-after-closing/).

What part of “We’re closed” didn’t she understand?

Well, of course, when you’re a Cherished Minority–not to mention a “professional equity activist” and “equity director” for the Oregon Dept. of Education, a government agency with money to piss into the wind–you don’t have to take “We’re closed.” Indeed, the slightest little disappointment, for you, constitutes “a disturbing and heart-wrenching experience.” How dare anybody not give you what you want?

So she went on the social media and got a “clamoring public” to demand that the two employees be fired for not digging the “racial implications” of their failure to re-open the shop because this professional complainer demanded it.

How did civilization manage to get along for thousands and thousands of years without professional equity activists? What, if any, function does such a creature serve? What would happen to life as we know it if all of a sudden we had to do without professional equity activists?

I really am running out of patience for stuff like this. I can’t imagine why our country continues to tolerate it.

12 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , | posted in news

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