Tag: Mueller probe

‘The News Media Explain It Just Fine!’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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Hi there! Mr. Nature is out there watching ants or something, so I thought I might as well take his place today–I, Dr. Credulous! Sit down and have a drink of Kool-Aid!

You know, a lot of people are saying our free and independent press has lost a lot of its credibility lately, especially in light of some really big stories, just recently, that they totally got wrong. To which I answer, “Pshaw!”

I choose rather to believe the editors, publishers, and news anchors at The New York Times, Washington Post, CNN, and all the rest of them. They said, “We don’t investigate the stories; we just report the news.” Well! Does that say it all, or what?

Besides, who says they got any of those stories wrong?

The “Covington kids” really did seek out a poor old defenseless Native American and smirk at him. I seen the picture!

Jussie Smollett really was attacked by white supremacists pretending to be these two guys from Nigeria, or whatever it was. Didn’t the DA in Chicago give him a total free pass?

Donald Trump really did tell that Cohen guy to lie, we all know Mr. Cohen would never tell a lie unless the president ordered him to; and for Special Prosecutor Mueller to say the story wasn’t true was just his way of being a nice guy.

And also Russiagate was real. I don’t care what they say. Obviously the Mueller team was paid off by Trump to cover it all up.

And how, you ask, do I know that all those things are true?

Because the news media said they were, that’s how!

I’m Dr. Credulous, setting the record straight.

Plan B: Impeach!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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Democrats are fit to be tied, the witch-hunt having come up empty, the Mueller probe having utterly failed to find any evidence at all of “collusion” between Donald Trump’s campaign and “the Russians.” Wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But the Washington D.C. brain trust never runs out of ideas, and there’s already a new one sweeping up and down the aisles of Congress.

“We need a special prosecutor to investigate Trump’s non-collusion with the Russians!” This is a Democrat operative speaking, and our source is unimpeachable. “If he did not collude with the Russians, we can impeach him for that!”

Rep. Pookie Cholera (D-Mordor), vice-chair of the House Committee on Impeaching the &%$#&@ [lengthy list of expletives deleted], described the Mueller report as “a two-year cover-up, they planned to cheat us all along! We should have stuck to our motto: First punish, then investigate!”

“We’ve got him now!” exulted Sen. Albert Ringworm (D-Alternative Universe). “If he colluded with the Russians, that’s a crime. If he didn’t collude with the Russians, that’s a crime, too! One way or another, we’ve got him!”

Who here thinks I’m joking?

Mueller: ’86 World Series was ‘Collusion’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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Well, we’re at the doctor’s, doing our do-over; but that doesn’t mean I can’t share a hot news flash with you.

Special Prosecutor-Witchfinder Robert Mueller, we learn from a thoroughly unreliable source, will now probe the 1986 World Series for evidence of “collusion” between Donald Trump (not president then, just a bad rich guy in New York) and The Russians.

The New York Mets defeated the Boston Red Sox in the series when Sox first baseman Bill Bucker made a crucial error in Game 6.

But now, according to an assistant substitute groundskeeper who is being offered U.S. citizenship and a lot of dates with supermodels in return for his testimony, and life imprisonment if he doesn’t sing, Trump and The Russians arranged for Mookie Wilson’s batted ball to take a tricky bounce.

“I’ll get that sonofab**** out of office if it’s the last thing I do!” Mueller confided to his master, Democrat Senator Chuck Schumer. “We can’t allow grubby stinking little voters to decide who gets elected president!”