Tag: phrenology

Byron’s TV Listings, Oct. 9

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CTVA - US TV Listings - 1967

G’day, ‘allo, and welcome to this weekend’s Quokka University TV listings! I’m your host, Byron the Quokka–you know: the poor parsnip who gets stuck doing all the work. But if we can bring you but one small hour of joy, it doesn’t matter how I suffer, does it?

Here’s a sample of our menu!

6:17 P.M.   Ch. 41   MOVIE–Science Fiction/Philosophy

Grace Kelly and Werner von Braun star in “Island of Super Prudish Women” (Italian-Scottish, 1969), the film that launched the “prudish women” craze of 1970. On a planet in another galaxy, a scientific expedition finds an island full of really prudish women. Queen Xaxamar: Urula Andress. Scotty: James Doohan.

6:30 P.M.  Ch. 09   ASK DR. KRINKLE!–Psychology/Phrenology

This show features the real Dr. Heinrich Krinkle and his real celebrity patients, who’ve given up on all the so-called “real” psychologists and whose only hope now is for Dr. Krinkle, the last practicing, accredited phrenologist in the Western world, to read the bumps on their heads to find out what’s wrong with them. Tonight’s patients: a man who thinks he’s Chuck Schumer, and astronomer Ernest Gamow, who can’t stop peering through the wrong end of his telescope. Featured: The June Taylor Dancers.

Ch. 14   LEARN TO DRAW WITH OLIVER FAPP–Art/Educational

Why try to buy the Sistine Chapel when Ollie can teach you how to paint it yourself on the ceiling of your living room? With commentary by a balloon with a face on it.

7 P.M.   Ch. 08   MUMMY ON HORSEBACK–Western

The ancient Egyptian mummy, Ra-Ho-Khepere (Slim Pickens), continues his search of the Old West for the cowboy who robbed his tomb. This week: Two of Ra’s fingers fall off while he’s eating dinner with the Zuckerberg family. He’ll need some fast talking to get out of this! Ma and Pa Zuckerberg: John Cleese. Little Nell: A Hamster. Little Elroy: Sen. Lou Bok Choi, Wisconsin.

Ch. 22    AIRPLANE DEMOLITION DERBY–Sports

You’d better bring a parachute if you want to play this game! Entrepreneur Mervyn Puncho took demo derby off the tires and put it on wings. Obsolete fighter planes and refurbished small aircraft knock each other out of the sky–last one flying wins. Celebrity host: Bernadette Peters. With Spiro Agnew and his orchestra.

Well! That should get you started! I’ve already seen all these shows, and I’d be hard-put to say which I liked best. But anything with a mummy in it always goes down well. Happy viewing!

376 BEST Happy Quokka IMAGES, STOCK PHOTOS & VECTORS | Adobe Stock

Allixanter He Is Comming ‘To’ Collidge!!!!!

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Alexander the Great | Biography, Empire, Death, & Facts | Britannica

O watt Fabyuliss news!!!! Allixanter “the” Grate he is comming to Our Collidge to teetch Frinology!!! witch is the Scients “of” studdying The bummps on somb-one’s hedd to see “if” Thay are alll rihght!!!!!!

Somb Biggit Hater Racist he sayed “”Butt Allixanter he dyed like thousints And thousints of “yeers” aggo”!” so we tooked aweay “his” Luntch Munny and “p”ut himb Into Sensertivvaty Traning!!!!!! He whil Not be aloud “to Sleeep” untill his Myind is Rihght!!!!

Back “in The” Sevvinties Allixanter he conkered Grease and Rhome and Indier but thay maid himb Give It “Back”!” He ownly didded it for Socile Jutstus!!! Sints thenn he Has bin Studdying Frinology  alawng whith Bil Nye and aslo somb gye naimed Arris Tuttle!!!! Togetther thay has Revilussionized the Scients!!!!!

I amb Eegar “to” taik, thatt Coarse!!!! I has awlyaws bien Fastrinated by Frinology becose whith It yiu cain aslo Tell “the Fiutchure!”!”  My grate-grate grampa he whent “to” sea a Frinologist and wowned Up “geting” a Jobb as a Pander!!!!

Yiu maiy has Knotised in that thare pixture that Allixanter he “has” kynd Of a funnny hat!! Well that is a offishul Frinology Hat,, yiu got “to” where It wen yoore Feeeling “the Bummps!”!!” The fetthers thay Hellp yiu to tell The Fiutchure!!!!!!!

I cloes whith somb-thing i heered in a lexture “the Othre Day–” “It is Possabull to Akwire a Deeep Under-Stand’ing of Histry whith-out anny Historickle Fackts!!!!!!!!!!” I hoap that is True foar Frinology tooo!!!!!

Lady Margo’s Love Child (‘Oy, Rodney’)

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Image result for images of silly romance novels

In Chapter CLIX (which spells “clix”) of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular confides to her readers, “Now I wish I’d written this as a plantation novel. I love plantation novels!” And lets it go at that.

A new complication has arisen, a new obstacle to Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s ambition to marry the wealthy Lady Margo Cargo, the richest widow in Scurveyshire, and thus foil the creditors who are out to take Coldsore Hall.

Lady Margo thinks she is with child. The difficulty is compounded by Lady Margo’s house being full of upholsterers hard at work re-upholstering all the furniture.

“It’s just wind, you silly old bat,” says Crusty the butler.

“I’m sure I don’t know what it is,” she replies, “but I read somewhere that upholstering a woman’s wooden leg can cause a pregnancy.” Crusty nearly faints: that word is not lightly bandied about in Lady Margo’s circles. “I wonder whose child it is,” she adds wistfully. Crusty sends for Dr. Fanabla, the shire’s renowned phrenologist, who examines the bumps on Lady Margo’s head and pronounces her “not you-know-what–although she does have a slightly serious touch of Colbury’s Complaint. Call me at once if her other hand falls off.” He prescribes a daily morning regimen of jumping jacks. On his way out the door, he is espied by Miss Lizzie Snivel, the spider girl, who falls passionately in love with him and starts following him all around the countryside.

Willis Twombley, the American adventurer who thinks he is Sargon of Akkad, sulks because he has little to do in this chapter. He seeks out Constable Chumley for a companionable nip from the constable’s hip flask which he keeps under his policeman’s helmet. “Chumley, ol’ hoss, I been tryin’ every trick in the book to get this here weddin’ to come off, and we’re still stuck in the startin’ gate.”

“Dint feen thysel,” Chumley replies. “‘Tis a mickle gair as fenners no shough.”

“That’s what they told me back in Texas,” Twombley sighs.