Feminist Math-O-Matics!

Wel, i has had my Moth Hormoans shot for today and than i had a wash rag for breckfast (not bad with mapple sirup!) and now i has got my self “into” a contemptaplative mood wich is somthing us interrlecturals hear at the collidge we doo it al the time! Only i fourgot waht i was contemptaplating.

Oh, i Know! I “was” contemptaplatting aboat how grate it wuld be if the hole wrold it was run by interllecturals who is the Smartest peple in the wrold and the smartest Interllectural we arre al hear at the Unavarsity!

Thare is one prefesser she is “the” smartest of us al She is a prefesser of Feminist Math-O-Matics and she is So smart that nobody cant unnerstand a thing she sayes! I has bin to a fow of her Lextures and oh-man! The last one I was at thare was some religius peple thay Started praying becose thay thuohgjt she was Speeking in Tongs!

I hered her say Thare is Femail Numbers thay are goood and Male Nummbers thay arre bad and Yiu shuddnt ouhgjt to Use Male Nummbers unless you can Chang thare Gender by moltiplying them By “the” square route of Minus One! Now i aks yuo Is “that” Smart or wahtt??? i cant harddly wate til i get to bee as Smart as her!!

Stupidest Words Ever Published?

Although it may be premature to call this tweet ( http://a1000laff.com/say-what-this-person-says-its-not-okay-to-call-babies-he-or-she/ ) the stupidest words ever published, certainly it’s in the running.

Why is it okay to call babies he or she? They can’t speak yet, so they can’t say their preferred gender.

If idiocy were jewels, this would be the Hope Diamond. Just a few years ago, actually saying something like this would be unthinkable. It shows how far our civilization has degenerated in a very short time.

Great ninnyhammers are born, not made. No amount of training, practice, desire, or application can take anyone to such heights of idiocy as this. We can only ponder it in awe.

This Just In

Someone sent us an email about the latest Darwin Awards.

One of the honorees was a guy who died after winning a roach-eating contest held at his local pet store. Please do not ask why he entered such a contest.

It turned out he was allergic to roaches.

That’s not something that a lot of people ever find out about themselves.

Or would even want to.

Why Do I Even Bother?

I got an email yesterday from a reader who found one of my columns inspiring. If I could only know what I might have said to inspire her, I wouldn’t say it again.

This person castigates Christians for not being hip to various “secret” books of God (but if everybody knew about them, they wouldn’t be a secret) which reveal that human history on earth has been secretly managed by “the Annunaki,” who are FROM ORION. Don’t blame me for the caps. Throughout the email, the writer used all-caps to emphasize the importance of the Annunaki and their secret wisdom being FROM ORION.

A quick Internet search reveals all sorts of websites dedicated to this crackpot ideology. There must be a lot of people out there who have tapped into the secret knowledge that comes FROM ORION.

For those who may have forgotten, there is no such thing in the real world as “Orion” or any other constellation. The constellations are only patterns which human imagination has imposed on the stars. The three stars of Orion’s belt only seem to be close together, lined up in a row. In reality, they are millions and millions of miles apart; and if we could look up from any planet other than the earth, we wouldn’t see the same patterns in the stars and we couldn’t see Orion. So nobody, not even Annunaki, can actually be FROM ORION.

Are there that many more nuts out there, nowadays, or does it only seem that way because the Net provides a kook-friendly environment?