smart pills – Lee Duigon

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Waht a grate Start “to the” Yeer!!! Our Nothing Studdies prefesser he “is” selling Smart Pills!! that wil maik yiu Smart!!!

Insyde eech caspule There Is “a” teeny tiny little Brane,, yiu caint harrdleigh See “it”, it’s so smawl–But!!!!!! Afftur yiu swallers It, yore blud streemb carrys It up into Yore Hedd and thare it whil Expland “to” full syze!!!!!!! How Grate “is” that??

At frist I thinked “Geee if this heer Pill it can maik “yiu” smart, then wattawe need “To Go” to clases ennymoar??? But yiu cant Say “things lyke” that,, it wood Be hat speach!

Nhow theeze heer Pills thay “Are” ex-prensift, amlost 75 Sents a-pop! One of the stoodints he eated one and he got Mad “and” sayed “Dambit this “heer” it taists Lyke a rabit Turd!!” but the proph he jist Smyled “and” said “Sea, yiu Are geting Smarter awlreddy!”””

He aslo sedd “Foar thoze Of yiu whoo awlreddy has tyny mycro-Scope Branes, it is stil OK to “taik Smart pills,, “yiu kneed awl The Brane Pauwer yiu Can Gett!”!”!”

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You know a civilization’s in trouble when corny old jokes start coming to life.

As the joke has it, a man is selling rabbit poops as “smart pills,” guaranteed to make you smarter. A customer buys some, but an hour later comes storming back, furious. “You cheated me!” he cries. “These ain’t smart pills! They’re nothin’ but rabbit poops!” To which the vendor replies, “See? You’re getting smarter already!”

In Vancouver recently, at an outdoor culture and art festival, an enterprising con man sold “hot dog water” at $38 a bottle Canadian ($28 U.S. money)–yes, water in which hot dogs had been boiled–claiming that it would help the user not only lose weight… but also sharpen his or her intelligence! Just like in the joke.

By the end of the day he’d sold all but two bottles (https://m.sfgate.com/food/article/Hot-Dog-Water-Vancouver-festival-stand-bottle-sign-13018126.php).

I know people who would’ve bought one. Do you?

(Thanks to my chess buddy, “WannaBe,” for this baroque news tip.)