I Meant to Do My Work Today

11 Cats Freaking Out About Cucumbers

It was my plan, yesterday, to devote this day to writing that whopping big article for Chalcedon in a single sitting, to get it done and out of the way. That plan began to unravel while it was still Tuesday.

Thanks to The Great Quarantine and Lots And Lots Of Shortages, supplying the needs of this tiny little two-person household has become almost a full-time job. There’s almost never a day I don’t have to go to the store! And when you do go, they don’t have what you came for and you have to plug in a substitute and hope it isn’t too sub-par. ‘Cause if it is, buckaroo, you’ve wasted more of your money. And it’ll mean yet another trip to yet another store. Sort of like the Soviet Union in the 1960s and 70s. Socialism is like this all the time.

So that’s what I’ve been doing all morning. It has made me tired. Jacked up my blood pressure, too. Well, maybe tomorrow I can write that article. Maybe by then my head will have stopped pounding.

Maybe I can enjoy a cigar before it starts raining. It’s, like, triple dog-daring me to go out there and relax… Go ahead, c’mon–just try it!

Maybe I’d better hurry. See you later.

What? Out of Food?

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Actually, if our supermarket was ever this crowded, I wouldn’t go.

The first nooze I heard this morning was, now they don’t want you going to the supermarket.

What are we supposed to do for food? In Venezuela they ate the animals in the zoo. In North Korea they ate the bark off trees. Mr. Socialism, grinning ear to ear, asks, “Are we there yet? Huh? Huh?”

We have very limited food storage space. So not only is it impossible for us to hoard groceries; we also would be ashamed to hog more than our share. (Yeah, yeah, don’t say it–we’re obviously crazy.) So we buy what we need. That’s how we wind up running out of stuff.

Well, off we go in search of food and other supplies. This has been imposed on us by Red China and its Western suck-ups and U.N. catamites. Those responsible must be made to pay for it.

But first we need groceries.