G’day, boys ‘n’ girls! Byron the Quokka here, trying to get the blog kick-started. Well, you can always do that with TV listings, can’t you? Especially when they’re provided by Quokka University. Here are a few samples.
3 P.M. Ch. 18 JET SKI DERBY–Sports, sort of
Host Charles DeGaulle hands out rifles to contestants, and the Grand Prize to whoever can pick off the most jet-ski riders in one day. Here, “Whomp-whomp-whomp!” gives way to “Bang-bang-bang!” Color commentary by Olga Gesundheit–who once potted 15 jet-skiers in a single hour.
Ch. 41 UNINTELLIGIBLE BABBLING NEWS!–(An hour down the drain)
Did you ever wish you could just talk gibberish and get paid for it? (Well, gee, I’ve known lots of people who wish that!) Anchorwoman Rita Beeta heads a crew of babbling kooks who sound like a penguin rookery. And all the video footage is upside-down.
3:15 Ch. eleventy-one YINK STILL CAN’T COOK–Kitchen mayhem
Correspondence school chef Yink Bu Chih-Dow tackles Violet Crepuscular’s recipe for toothpaste sandwich cookies! Meanwhile, his pet giant monitor lizard, Snuffy, latches onto Yink’s leg and tries to drag him into the cellar. Special guest: This guy who used to be on Ozzie and Harriet.
4:10 P.M. Ch. 66 MOVIE–Hard-boiled detective drama
In “The Postman Can’t Remember Where I Live,” Disney wash-out Titus Groan directs what has been called by umpteen critics “the darkest movie ever, it could make you despair of life” (Danish-Pictish, 1955: 14 minutes). Andre the Giant plays the postman with a poor memory, with Alvin Dark as the distraught customer waiting for an official announcement that he has won the lottery. Narrator: Porky Pig.
All right, so some of these are not exactly classics. So who said everything has to be this Great Work of Art?
(Come to think of it, I think it might’ve been me…)
I’ll cross dangerous waters to get to my TV set! Byron the Quokka, signing off.
Welcome back, ol’ chum. Good on ya, good to see ya.
In my last several years at the university, many of my colleagues were paid very well indeed for talking gibberish. In fact, it seemed that the more unintelligible the gibberish, the higher the salary. And when I occasionally visit my former department’s website now, I note that the gibberish has become even more unintelligible than before — and, I’m afraid, far more dangerous.
It’s all so intersectional.
UNINTELLIGIBLE BABBLING NEWS!–(An hour down the drain) – no need to watch this one because the MSM is already doing this 24/7. YINK STILL CAN’T COOK–Kitchen mayhem – I am burned out cooking shows. My daughter is an executive chef and brought me chicken enchiladas for Father’s Day – I like eating a good dish more than watching someone make one. MOVIE–Hard-boiled detective drama – sorry Byron but I don’t do anything having to do with Disney anymore.
Toothpaste sandwich cookies, I am going to make those today. Snuffy, knows a good meal when he see one. I just hope he doesn’t get indigestion.