Tag Archives: attack of the crab monsters

Memory Lane: ‘Million Dollar Movie’

“If you missed any part of Attack of the Crab Monsters, or wish to see it again, the next showing will be tomorrow at 7:30 p.m….”

Are you kidding? I’m 11 years old, yer durn tootin’ I wish to see more crab monsters!

That was Million Dollar Movie on Channel 9, WOR-TV, New York, from 1955 through 1966. This was how the local stations held their ground against the major networks. Channel 11 had the Yankees; Channel 5 had Sandy Becker; and Channel 9 had Million Dollar Movie. In fact, Million Dollar Movie worked so well, a lot of local networks around the country imitated it.

Twice a day, for a week, they’d show the same movie. That was the week’s feature film. Next week would be a different one. Since RKO owned both Channel 9 and most of the movies being shown, Million Dollar Movie cost peanuts to produce.

King Kong! Gunga Din! Forbidden Planet! Oh, there musta been hundreds of ’em! Of course I didn’t watch musicals or kissing movies, and most of the detective movies went over my head. But then The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms would come along, or Frankenstein 1970, and I’d be in my element, reveling in sheer cinematic artistry. And my friends and I would play “King Kong” all week, outdoors, with our toy dinosaurs.

We didn’t have cable TV, we didn’t have Youtube, or any of those online streaming video packages (I don’t even know if I’m saying that right); but somehow there seemed to be more movies that you wanted to see, and more theaters in which to see them, than there are now. And none of the films were based on comic books. Who needs comic books when you’ve got Queen of Outer Space with Eric Fleming and Zsa Zsa Gabor? (For some reason I’ll never understand, my mother really took to that one.)

Anyway, you’d turn on the TV, you’d hear that “Tara’s Theme” from Gone With the Wind, and you’d know it was time for Million Dollar Movie! It may seem a poor thing, by today’s standards; but it made us kids feel rich.


Climbit Change Causes Monsters!

This was going to be an emergency bulletin from Joe Collidge, but he is currently prostrated with fear and unable to write coherently. Also some gym socks he ate for breakfast have disagreed with him.

It seems there’s a growing rumor of giant crabs depopulating islands and dragging whole coastal villages into the deep, all because of Climate Change and Greta Thunberg. Back in 1957, this was cleverly disguised as a science fiction movie. But in 2020, it’s a grim reality.

Or so we’re told. By college professors. So you know it’s got to be true.

Only world government, open borders, and real high taxes can stop the giant crabs.

Honest!


‘Attack of the Crab Monsters’

I cannot understand my wife’s total lack of interest in such cinematic treasures as Attack of the Crab Monsters. She must be a racist. This 1957 gem of a movie accurately portrays what must be done in the event that giant crabs try to take over the world. We have been warned!


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