LOST: 80 million Biden voters
LAST SEEN seeping out of Dominion voting machines
Police, private detectives, bloodhound handlers, and psychics have mobilized in a nationwide effort to find any trace of some 80 million Americans who supposedly elected China Joe president.
So far… nothing.
“We were told there were over a million Biden votes cast in our county,” said Sheriff Diogenes Smith of Atlantis County, Pennsylvania, “which was a pretty neat trick, considering we have only a little under 300,000 registered voters. But now we can’t find but a dozen or two. They had a Biden rally yesterday in some guy’s driveway and only two people came. Where did they all go?”
Noted psychic Ernest Fapp has postulated that the 80 million Biden voters never, in fact, existed.
“Trust me,” he said, “if there had really been that many of them, they would’ve left some psychic residue in spiritual space. You know–like all the litter that gets left behind wherever you have lefties ‘demonstrating.’ ”
But another psychic disagrees. “Of course they’re real!” said Islas Malvinas. “But they are not of this earth! After the election they all went back to from where they came. That’s why you can’t find them.”
So far only twelve actual American citizens have admitted voting for Biden. “One more,” said Democrat activist Allie Screwtape, “and we’ll have a coven!”