Byron’s TV Listings, March 18

Garage Sale Finds: What was on TV - October 28th through November 3rd, 1978

G’day, out there! Byron the Quokka here with another weekend of fabulous TV brought to you by Quokka University. Honest, someday we’ll offer courses in something! Meanwhile, here’s a sample of our weekend menu:

7:30 P.M.   Ch. 08  MATT BODICE, P.I.–Mystery/adventure

Bodice (Sen. Hiram Fong) infiltrates “the Church of Evolution,” where he finds the members evolving backwards into murderous primitive ape-men! Mr. Rogers: himself. Grannie: Irene Ryan. Murderous primitive ape-men: Themselves (don’t ask!).

Ch. 14   WORLD NEWS WITH ITCHING–News with a stupid gimmick

Have you ever wondered how news anchors and reporters could do their jobs if they were uncontrollably itchy and couldn’t stop scratching? This show lasted only two weeks on CNN, where it had the highest ratings of any other news show on the network. Host: Greta Thunberg. Sports: Rutherford B. Hayes (itchy beard).

8 P.M.   Ch. 66   BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL!–Reality TV

The contestants are all convicted felons who’d been given a choice: state prison, or back to high school. This is about the ones who chose high school… and never came back. Principal: Ragnar Hairy-Britches. NOTE: The ACLU has condemned this show as a cruel and unusual punishment as forbidden by the Constitution. Especially the episodes about dating.

Ch. 71  MOVIE–Historical Mish-mosh

Could a pair of American cowboys (Roy Rogers, Gene Autry) have prevented the Norman conquest of England in 1066? “Conquer This, Podnuh!” (Ethiopian, 1989) explores this fascinating might-have-been. King Harald’s bodyguard: The June Taylor Dancers. William the Conqueror: Tim Russert. Queen Matilda: Paris Hilton.

8:30 P.M.   Ch. 41  THE FLOBSTERS–Totally tasteless sitcom

It’s the ritziest neighborhood in Boonton, New Jersey–or was, until the Flobsters moved in. This week: Moko’s efforts to clean his clothes subject the entire neighborhood to unendurably rancid odors. Meanwhile, Dayzee (Gloria Scott) is caught hiding in the mayor’s house again. Moko: Jerry Springer. Mayor Schwab: An unidentified cartoon character.

I don’t know about you, but I’ll be watching these wonderful shows today!

50 Cute Puppy Pictures That You Need to See — Puppy Pictures ...

Bloody computer! Wouldn’t let me post pictures of anything but puppies. Byron the Quokka, signing off (I know when I’m not wanted!).

I Am Drained

9 Incredible Lizards That Look Like Dragons - AZ Animals

I wish I could do this. Probably a great way to vent.

We have to take Patty to the surgeon this afternoon for a pre-op exam, she wanted to take a shower first but the shower wouldn’t work… and meanwhile this computer went belly-up this morning and just plain drove me crazy.

So I went to the other computer and scanned some nooze, which did nothing for my morale. The only story I remember was our “Second Gentlemen” [barf], Mr. Kamala, whatever his name is, babbling that citizens objecting to their school boards’ insane child-grooming policies are a bunch of Nazis and this, y’know, is exactly how Nazi Germany got started… I didn’t have the heart to write that up. SloJo says it’s “sinful” not to let the kiddies have their “gender reassigned”… sheesh.

We have reached a point at which mere idiots get into public office and run our country into the ground.  Sane and decent people need not apply.

I can’t believe how tired I am already. Guess I’m still feeling that hour we’ve lost to Daylight Savings.

The computer’s working now. I don’t know why it stopped. I don’t know why it has come back to work. All I can say is “Thank you, Lord.”

A Christmas Conspiracy

Eco Talk: Hellbender salamander an example of water quality effects

The computer will not let me post any image that has anything at all to do with the subject matter. So here’s an angry salamander. I’m allowed to post that.

My brother and I once made a conspiracy to give each other Genuine Oriental Malay throwing knives, available at our downtown hobby shop, as Christmas presents. Yes, it left something very much to be desired, as a way of commemorating Christmas. Fishing pole, yeah, okay. A knife for you to throw at somebody–no, not okay. But I often look back at my youth and wonder, “What was I thinking?”

Our Genuine Oriental Malay (are there any Occidental Malays?) throwing knives were made out of some cheap metal that would have prevented the growth of civilization, had it come along earlier. When you threw them at a target, say a tree-trunk, they struck with a “Blap!” sound–and never, never, never hit point-first! They were great for judo practice, though, because they couldn’t cut anything. Any formless piece of cheap metal could do what they did… which was basically nothing.

I have discovered that “Oriental Malay” (must be a brand name) throwing knives are still available online. Supposedly these are made of steel instead of dried-out rubber. But I have no plans of giving them as Christmas presents.

Did Somebody Say ‘Stifle!’?

Content blocked hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy

Maybe one of you readers out there can tell me what’s what. All I get from WordPress is a lot of “Oh, it must be terribly disappointing for you!” Period. No help.

October was a good month for me. It made me think my computer problems were over. But after Nov. 1 the door got slammed shut in my face. Viewer numbers down, down, down. This evening they’re a good six hours behind where they should be.

Is this Google playing with the Search again? Is it the FBI or some other organized crime group? Come on, virtually everybody knows computers better than I do. I’ll bet there are hamsters who know computers better than I do. What the deuce is going on here?

What The–???

3,803 Surprised Cat Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

Now what have I done?

Tapped a few keys, innocently, to start a new search… and on the right-hand half of my page, all the flippin’ comments magically disappear!

Oh, man, don’t I have enough troubles with this blog?

Is anybody still out there, or have I erased you, too?

We want computer chips implanted in our brains! Yeah!

Our Latest Computer Disaster

Home Office Computer Desk Hutch Honey Stock Photo 3431858 | Shutterstock

Our computer hutch last week began to fall apart. I have it propped up temporarily with books, but there’s no escaping the fact that we’ll have to get a new one.

I’m afraid the whole thing will simply collapse in ruin if I try to move it. And behind the hutch is a Gordian tangle of wires–computer tower, monitor, speakers, mouse, printer, and God knows what else. No one has ever accused me of being a handyman, and this job looks utterly impossible.

I never dreamed there could be so many obstacles to simply writing a book.

Please pray for us. These little problems pile up into big ones.

Portrait of Norbert

They don’t make as many Norbert videos as I’d like, but I thought I’d post this portrait photo just so you could see him. As far as I know, he’s still working as a therapy dog.

So far, so good with the computer today. I’m praying for a nice, quiet day. Maybe a bit of Norbert’s what we need.

Normal Service [Laughs Hysterically, Carted Off in Straitjacket]

Pin on Humor

I have been forced to change computers this morning, having wasted 40 minutes of my life trying to get the [censored] laptop to do anything more than thumb its nose at me. I start the day an hour behind in my work.

You may have read yesterday about Phoebe’s dashboard clock. I think it awakened a competitive spirit in my equipment. “Let’s show that clock what Nothing Works really looks like!”

So… if you were wondering what happened to me this morning… freakin’ nothing!

About Your Comments

Image Cute Cartoon Bird Holding Blank Stock Vector (Royalty Free) 78854899  | Shutterstock

Readers are miffed because it seems WordPress won’t let them post their comments. I spent practically the whole afternoon yesterday with the WP Happiness Engineers, trying to fix this. We thought we had… but were quickly proved wrong.

If it were all the readers all the time, a problem like that would be easily identified and put to rights. But when is anything easy? No–some readers have no problem at all. Some can’t get their comments up no matter what they do. A few are able to do it sometimes. There’s no pattern here!

You can hardly post comment that says “I can’t post a comment.” You could email me about it, and I could forward your email to the Engineers: that might help.

I’m miffed, too. I want to read your comments! I want us to enjoy fellowship and conversation! I just don’t know how to solve the problem. I mean, if it stumps “Unknowable,” what chance have I got?

Your Disappearing Comments: Solved!

942 Sherlock Holmes With Magnifying Glass Stock Photos, Pictures &  Royalty-Free Images - iStock

So yesterday I finally decided to consult the WordPress Happiness Engineers to find out why some of you find your comments disappearing into the Blahsmos as soon as you think you’ve posted them.

First I got a surprise, a message I’d never seen here before: All the happiness engineers are currently busy, please check back with us later. All busy doing what? I’ve been here ten years and never saw that message till yesterday evening.

By and by I got through–and then learned that my readers’ missing comments are probably in a cache called “Pending,” where they have to be either approved or rejected. I looked, and there they were. “You have to train the algorithm so that it knows what you want or don’t want,” the engineer told me. Well, okay, fine. I got rid of a lot of junk and approved a bunch of comments.

If you try to post a comment and it simply disappears, please let me know: there’s a decent chance that I’ll be able to find it and revive it.

Algorithms. Does that mean “mindless robot”? Stupid robot that dumps everything into the spam folder unless directed otherwise? Yeah, I think that’s what it means.

Machines are supposed to be our servants. [Fourteen-minute laugh break.] Well, at least they don’t steal the spoons.