Look at this: going on noon, and I’m still trying to put up my first post on this computer.
First Peep jumps up onto a cabinet and knocks my Witch Box manuscript behind the radiator, which cannot be moved. This lets me in for 30 minutes of fun, crawling around in a cramped space when I already have a cramp, moving heavy furniture. Finally got it back out.
Sat down at the computer and kablooey, it goes rogue on me. Another half an hour up the spout. What does this machine think it’s doing?
Well, let’s just see if this post actually winds up getting posted. Here goes…
I disconnected the old monitor, took it to Office Depot so I could ask for an exact replacement-sorry, no dice: “But this one is just like it.” Took it home, cleaned out the computer hutch–I mean, there were mythical creatures nesting in it–assembled the new monitor… and finally tried to hook it up. That was not accomplished without a great deal of impassioned language. Technology and me, very bad mix. Patty had to plug in the last whatsit. For some reason it worked when she did it.
The whole thing took a little over an hour and a half, and I’m already about 80 views down from yesterday. But we’ve got a new monitor! The old one had gotten into a bad habit of showing everyone’s faces in a movie as bright flaming red or hoo-hah glaring yellow.
I am told I get too excited and it’s bad for my blood pressure. Well… keep me away from electronics and cars. If I had servants to do these things, I’d be as cool as a cucumber.
Both of our computers have taken the noon balloon this afternoon. I’ve only just gotten this one working (sort of) again. But now I am stressed out and need to rest.
So out I go to try to finish writing a chapter of The Witch Box. Getting the rest of this book written will be a major artistic challenge for which I’ll need the Lord’s guidance and every bit of wit I can scrape up from my brain. We’re still struggling to upload the pictures of Patty’s car.
I light my cigar; and no sooner does my pen touch the legal pad than a neighbor comes over to chat. She wants to do me a favor, so I can’t say “Go away.” And Patty comes out to join the conversation. I can’t start writing till my cigar is more than halfway finished.
Back indoors, I find I can’t turn my laptop on. It just sits there. Try to find the power button. The various instructionals online all involve taking the computer apart and putting it back together. Boy howdy. All I can think of is that scene in Unfaithfully Yours when Rex Harrison tries to use his record machine and is confronted with incredibly complicated diagrams, plus this cheerful message: “So simple, it practically operates itself.” This is not my cup of tea.
After another 30 minutes of high stress, somehow we get the laptop operating again. I don’t know how. Just don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Also gotta call the property owner next door and see about getting the tree removed from Patty’s car.
Why do I feel like a stretched-out balloon with all the air let out of it?
I always include in my nooze posts a link to the original source, so the reader can check it if he wants. The link is carried from the original to my page by the mouse.
In yesterday’s post about the judge ruling that the Michigan secretary of state broke the state’s election laws, readers were surprised when they clicked the link and were treated to video of dogs sliding about on slippery wooden floors.
That video was left over from the night before; the mouse still carried it. Somehow it avoided picking up my nooze link and gave us the dog video instead. Several readers saw it there before I was able to correct the error. I think they reckoned I did it on purpose.
And they want us to have computer chips put into our brains? That’s supposed to make us smarter? Ye gods, ain’t we dumb enough already?
This morning I had no Likes and no comments waiting for me here. I don’t think that’s happened since we first started this blog, ten years ago. How does it happen? Did WordPress do something damaging? (They’ll deny it.)
And of course my stats page is all bollixed up for no reason, and can’t be fixed, and just looks horrible.
Well, things sort of have to get better from here… don’t they?
Yesterday, for no reason whatsoever–there’s never any reason–the computer turned my stats page into garbage. Now it’s very, very hard to work with. Plus it’s ugly. I hate looking at it.
The stats page is the home base for my work, so I spend a lot of time there. Now it’s hard to work because all the colors have been taken away and it looks so ugly, it’s a distraction.
We tried updating our whatsits, but of course that didn’t work. When it comes to computers, things hardly ever work. And they want to implant these wretched failures in our brains? Even our stupid brains work better than computers!
Now I can’t see which comments I’ve already viewed and which I haven’t–that ought to help the conversation along.
This is on top of my viewer numbers crashing into the basement.
Yesterday SlimJim helped me to do an experiment. It had a dramatic result, but I haven’t yet figured out how to interpret it. I wondered what would happen if a few readers shared a few of my posts on their own Facebook pages, or wherever. Jim gave it a try, and his post, on my page, brought in 55 views!
The rest of the blog’s performance yesterday was pretty miserable. It crashed on Jan. 17 and has never bounced back. I do not know why. WordPress’ happiness engineers insist WP has nothing to do with it. In fact, they insist I have no problem. That’s rich. I’m down over 100 views a day from where I was at this time last year–and close to 200 views down from November and December.
Before this blog goes the way of Nabisco toy dinosaurs, free inside every box of Wheat Honeys or Rice Honeys (and the cereals are extinct, too), I’d like to ask my readers to help me carry out an experiment.
Some of you still have a Facebook page, or something like it. I’d very much like to see what happens if a few of you share a couple of my blog posts on your page. Viewership is down more than 100 views a day, compared to this time last year, and I haven’t been able to figure out why.
If you’re on any of the new social media platforms, I’d be very interested to see what happens if any post of mine gets shared there.
Bear with me if I’m not putting this as exactly as I should: computer-speak isn’t my language. Even my Spanish is better than my computer-speak.
So could we give this a try, and see what happens? If anything does, I’ll let you know.
My mouse has been spewing out long lines of gibberish whenever I try to use a capital letter. Now it’s not doing it because I’m telling you about it.
I have just loaded a new image. All right, where’s the stream of gibberish? Ain’t there. Patty’s watching me. You are reading this. The computer waits till I’m alone.
Patty knocked a bunch of crumbs out of the keyboard. That seems to have solved the problem. I hope.
P.S.–Would you believe it? Crumbs in the keyboard! That really was the problem. Live and learn.
I have to find out why, on Jan. 17, my viewer number suddenly crashed and have never recovered. That means a visit to the WordPress Happiness Engineers. Because it’s discouraging and maddening to keep writing and writing and just watch the viewership shrink by the day.
The last time this happened, last year, it was for three and a half months. Then it un-happened.
I’ve also got a brand-new computer affliction! When I go to type a capital letter, I get a nice long string of gibberish! This makes it take twice as long to post anything.
So I might be out of the saga for a few hours, trying to get things fixed. Fat chance of that–but one does have to try.
