Hi! I’m Norman Bates. You probably remember me from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho–you know, dressing up as my mother and going around stabbing people.
Well, I’ve got that out of my system, what with being in the booby hatch since 1960. I’m out now, I’m all better now, and I’m here to tell you that I will be the Democrat Party’s candidate for president in 2020.
America needs a new kind of criminal for a new kind of presidency. I did have to promise the doctors that I wouldn’t dress up as Mom anymore, but once I’m elected and inaugurated, I can pretty much do as I please. Remember that old Clinton slogan, “You get two for the price of one?” Well, Mom and I are going to take that to a whole new level! I think I’ll trot her out for our first State of the Union Speech.
America needs a president who’s not afraid to dress up in women’s clothing and take a knife to his political opponents. It’s probably the only way we can get our Climate Change legislation through the Congress. And they sure will think twice about not confirming my judicial appointments, once Mom’s done with two or three of them!
Like the folks from the DNC told me when they went to pick me up at the hospital, the Democrat Party needs a new look, a new direction, and new blood–and I’m it!
I especially like that “new blood” part. I like that very much!