In 1965 singer Ed Ames starred as Fess Parker’s Native American sidekick in the TV series, Daniel Boone. He also appeared live on Johnny Carson to demonstrate the tomahawk-throwing skill he had acquired in playing the role of Mingo.
The result is one of the all-time live TV bloopers.
Hey, we all need a laugh–and this will give you one. I guarantee it.
Watch closely, the video is only 14 seconds long.
The best time to practice magic tricks, as you will see, is when your parents aren’t home. I’m not sure, but I think this is how Gandalf got his start.
Be very careful when you practice this trick.
Adults are free to try it, too–but be prepared to do some fast talking.
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Here’s the proof we’ve all been waiting for! The jackalope is real!
As you can see by the photo–and pictures don’t lie–a skillful net hunter in Whatsit Creek, Michigan, managed to scoop up a healthy specimen of the horned rabbit. Ah! you say. “But what did he do with it?”
Well, he wanted to catch another one and breed them, but this first jackalope got away when the net broke a few minutes later.
According to modern Science, jackalopes are a product of Global Warming, homophobia, and Income Inequality. And unless taxes are raised dramatically, we are told, jackalopes will soon take over the world.
But I don’t believe that part of the story.
A top national broadcaster in Finland–please don’t ask me to pronounce or spell his name–has recommended that women use… well, magic! to protect themselves from rape ( http://www.infowars.com/bizarre-video-teaches-finnish-women-to-use-the-force-to-defend-against-rapists/ ).
It has been suggested that the guy was only joking. Well, if it was a gag, considering the rape epidemic unleashed on Europe by its loony leaders and their mass importation of lawless Muslims, it was in very poor taste.
So… if you think some low-life means to rape you, all you gotta do is hold up your empty hand, Star Wars-style, and push him back without touching him. I’ve seen this in kung-fu movies, too, and it always works. But if, in the unlikely event that it doesn’t work on the back streets of Helsinki, then you must do it with two hands. And if that don’t work, clout him with your purse.
It has to be something like that because Finland, like most European countries, allows no meaningful methods of self-defense. You can’t have a gun, pepper spray, or a nice Crocodile Dundee knife. Makes it easy pickin’s for the criminals.
After you successfully beat down a rapist using nothing but The Force, proceed immediately to your nearest Star Wars church and give thanks to Obi-Wan or whatever.
Do they understand, anymore, that Star Wars is a movie? Not real? Something they made up in Hollywood? Do they even understand that anymore?
You tell me.
Thanks to Linda Sorci for reminding us of this incredible talk radio phone call!
The caller’s argument relies on the premise that deer can read. And when they read “Deer Crossing” road signs, they naturally assume that this must be a good place for them to cross the busy highway.
Is that really any sillier than believing “the Annunaki” from outer space secretly came to earth to micro-manage human history and genetically engineer critters like centaurs?
This in a country that spends more on “education” than any civilization in the history of the world.
The great thing about snow is, it’s just right for preserving footprints. Especially monster footprints.
Here is someone who found a minotaur’s footprints in her yard. She did some research and discovered they must have been made by a minotaur. Somewhere there must be a handbook that shows you what minotaur tracks look like, and how to tell them apart from those of a raccoon or a deer.
A minotaur is half-bull, half-man, usually a strong, bad-tempered guy with a bull’s head. King Minos, King of Crete, used to keep one in his labyrinth. He fed it Greeks. You could look it up.
We’ve warned you that centaurs are real, and they’re pussycats compared to minotaurs.
A spokesman for the President’s Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, and Unipeds has denied that there is a government conspiracy to cover up the existence of such creatures. Last year Congress authorized a budget of $615 billion for the committee. This year, says the spokesman, “We will need more–lots more! Minotaurs are becoming a real problem, sneaking around people’s back yards on snowy nights. Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna get eaten.”
A spokesman for the Congressional Scientific Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, Unipeds, and Persons With Their Heads on Backwards has stated that these creatures have become active because of Global Warming. “They’re sure to kill a lot of people,” he added, “unless we can pass one helluva huge tax increase. Then everything will be nice again.”
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Every year the Motion Picture Academy gives out Oscars for the least awful movies. This year all the libs and the racial grievance industry are complaining because no major nominations went to Our Cherished Minorities–no Least Bad Picture, no Least Bad Actor, no Least Bad Screenplay, etc.
But the Academy also snubbed a perfectly lovely movie now showing at the Sundance Film Festival. Swiss Army Man ( http://variety.com/2016/film/news/daniel-radcliffe-farting-corpse-swiss-army-man-1201686756/ ) is all about a farting corpse. Plus discussions of topics that I really must not mention here.
Surely it would be a better film if some African-American actors were shoehorned into the cast to create Diversity.
Y’know what we need? Affirmative action Oscars, that’s what. Simply determine a formula for what proportion of nominees and award winners must belong to this particular Cherished Minority and dole out nominations and awards accordingly. And then other Cherished Minorities can get in on it, too–and we will know in advance, every year, which actors and which films, etc., will be nominated and win awards.
Awards like, for instance, Least Lousy Supporting Transgendered African-American Undocumented Immigrant and Visually Challenged Actor in a Wimmins Climate Change Social Justice Drama. It has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?
P.S.–Oh, wait, I know! What could be more simple. Just do what libs do in the public schools and recreation programs: everybody gets an Oscar! The same way everybody gets a trophy just for showing up. What could be better for their self-esteem?
End of problem!
I can’t help it–this guy makes me laugh. I may have to post some more of the usual bad news later on today, so let’s grab a laugh while we can.
Because it’s been 50 years since I’ve heard any of Allan Sherman’s songs, I’ve forgotten most of the titles. So, folks, if you’ve been enjoying these and would like to hear more, please feel free to suggest whatever additional titles you may remember.
I don’t know about you, but I need some comic relief, and I need it now.
What happens when you toss some pieces of Mentos candy into a bottle of Diet Coke? The above video will show you what happens. There is a very violent reaction–which is still perfectly safe as long as you avoid doing certain idiotic things.
Don’t try this indoors.
Don’t put Mentos in your mouth and then pour in some Diet Coke. Please do not do this. They’re calling it a “challenge” and filming themselves doing it. If you insist on trying this, remember–this blog told you not to.
Don’t do this inside your car.
These mistakes are very easy to avoid–and you can still have fun with this simple, albeit simple-minded, home science experiment.
Happy landings.
If you’re like millions of Americans these days, you probably need a job. Here are the five cushiest jobs you could ever hope to get. I have not listed “TV News Anchor” because, although it’s a ridiculously easy job–the stories you report don’t have to be true–you can’t get it if you’re fat or funny-looking. So here are the top five.
1. U.S. Senator. Absolutely, positively the easiest job on earth. It pays well, and the opportunities to pick up extra money by selling your vote are limitless. Best of all, the job carries with it not a shred of responsibility. Just vote “present” if you can’t make up your mind.
2. President of the United States. Now that it’s been established as an entry-level job which anybody, and I do mean anybody, can hold–hey, what are you waiting for? Vacations galore, all paid for by the taxpayer, unlimited free golf, and countless opportunities to make speeches that don’t have to make any sense. You just can’t do it worse than it’s being done now.
3. Oil Sheik. Once you’re in (that’s the tricky part, I must admit), all you have to do is funnel those petrodollars into your secret Swiss bank account and spent all your time lounging around the best hotels in Europe. It’s best not to spend much time in your sheikdom, though, in case there’s a revolution.
4. Professor of Women’s Studies at any University. You can stand up in front of your class and speak in tongues every day, and it won’t be any less valuable than the actual curriculum. If you’ve got tenure, you’re set for life. You can even perform Feminist Music to your class every day, and not get fired.
5. Diversity Consultant. Does anybody know what this job actually entails? Does anybody care? This is another one of those jobs which it’s literally impossible to do badly. Or to do well, for that matter. It’s no harder than being a mummy, and it pays better.
Feel free to add to this list, dear readers–in case I’ve missed a good one.