There are those who say that Garden Gnomes with pointy red hats are an unrecognized, under-reported, clear and present danger.
Usually they just stand there in the garden–when you’re looking at them, that is. You don’t see what they get up to when you’re not looking at them.
Here, in this offishul police video, we encounter some Garden Gnomes who had stolen a car and done a spot of joy riding. Watch what happens when the officers try to investigate!
Obviously this means our colleges and universities must, with all possible speed, establish degree programs in Garden Gnome Studies.
Their numbers are growing, and it’s only a matter of time before they… Well, I don’t know what they’ll do, but it’s bound to be bad.
Wel, i has had my Moth Hormoans shot for today and than i had a wash rag for breckfast (not bad with mapple sirup!) and now i has got my self “into” a contemptaplative mood wich is somthing us interrlecturals hear at the collidge we doo it al the time! Only i fourgot waht i was contemptaplating.
Oh, i Know! I “was” contemptaplatting aboat how grate it wuld be if the hole wrold it was run by interllecturals who is the Smartest peple in the wrold and the smartest Interllectural we arre al hear at the Unavarsity!
Thare is one prefesser she is “the” smartest of us al She is a prefesser of Feminist Math-O-Matics and she is So smart that nobody cant unnerstand a thing she sayes! I has bin to a fow of her Lextures and oh-man! The last one I was at thare was some religius peple thay Started praying becose thay thuohgjt she was Speeking in Tongs!
I hered her say Thare is Femail Numbers thay are goood and Male Nummbers thay arre bad and Yiu shuddnt ouhgjt to Use Male Nummbers unless you can Chang thare Gender by moltiplying them By “the” square route of Minus One! Now i aks yuo Is “that” Smart or wahtt??? i cant harddly wate til i get to bee as Smart as her!!
Well, I was watching a Murdoch Mysteries episode today that featured a man in a gliding suit. Curious as to whether such a thing had ever existed, I looked it up–and found that a suit just like it had been invented in the 1990s and has lately evolved into a sport for crazy people ( .https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wingsuit_flying ).
Based on the description of what was seen from the cabin of the Airbus, it seems likely that the “flying man” was a man in a gliding suit, indulging in his sport.
Now all we have to do is figure out how he got up there in the first place. No one spotted a balloon, and there aren’t any high cliffs in the vicinity.
I know, I know–you can’t wait to run out and buy one for yourself. It’s cooler than hang-gliding!
But don’t fly past any airplanes. You might freak out the pilot.
In 1965 singer Ed Ames starred as Fess Parker’s Native American sidekick in the TV series, Daniel Boone. He also appeared live on Johnny Carson to demonstrate the tomahawk-throwing skill he had acquired in playing the role of Mingo.
The result is one of the all-time live TV bloopers.
Hey, we all need a laugh–and this will give you one. I guarantee it.
The best time to practice magic tricks, as you will see, is when your parents aren’t home. I’m not sure, but I think this is how Gandalf got his start.
Be very careful when you practice this trick.
Adults are free to try it, too–but be prepared to do some fast talking.
Here’s the proof we’ve all been waiting for! The jackalope is real!
As you can see by the photo–and pictures don’t lie–a skillful net hunter in Whatsit Creek, Michigan, managed to scoop up a healthy specimen of the horned rabbit. Ah! you say. “But what did he do with it?”
Well, he wanted to catch another one and breed them, but this first jackalope got away when the net broke a few minutes later.
According to modern Science, jackalopes are a product of Global Warming, homophobia, and Income Inequality. And unless taxes are raised dramatically, we are told, jackalopes will soon take over the world.
It has been suggested that the guy was only joking. Well, if it was a gag, considering the rape epidemic unleashed on Europe by its loony leaders and their mass importation of lawless Muslims, it was in very poor taste.
So… if you think some low-life means to rape you, all you gotta do is hold up your empty hand, Star Wars-style, and push him back without touching him. I’ve seen this in kung-fu movies, too, and it always works. But if, in the unlikely event that it doesn’t work on the back streets of Helsinki, then you must do it with two hands. And if that don’t work, clout him with your purse.
It has to be something like that because Finland, like most European countries, allows no meaningful methods of self-defense. You can’t have a gun, pepper spray, or a nice Crocodile Dundee knife. Makes it easy pickin’s for the criminals.
After you successfully beat down a rapist using nothing but The Force, proceed immediately to your nearest Star Wars church and give thanks to Obi-Wan or whatever.
Do they understand, anymore, that Star Wars is a movie? Not real? Something they made up in Hollywood? Do they even understand that anymore?
Thanks to Linda Sorci for reminding us of this incredible talk radio phone call!
The caller’s argument relies on the premise that deer can read. And when they read “Deer Crossing” road signs, they naturally assume that this must be a good place for them to cross the busy highway.
Is that really any sillier than believing “the Annunaki” from outer space secretly came to earth to micro-manage human history and genetically engineer critters like centaurs?
This in a country that spends more on “education” than any civilization in the history of the world.
The great thing about snow is, it’s just right for preserving footprints. Especially monster footprints.
Here is someone who found a minotaur’s footprints in her yard. She did some research and discovered they must have been made by a minotaur. Somewhere there must be a handbook that shows you what minotaur tracks look like, and how to tell them apart from those of a raccoon or a deer.
A minotaur is half-bull, half-man, usually a strong, bad-tempered guy with a bull’s head. King Minos, King of Crete, used to keep one in his labyrinth. He fed it Greeks. You could look it up.
We’ve warned you that centaurs are real, and they’re pussycats compared to minotaurs.
A spokesman for the President’s Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, and Unipeds has denied that there is a government conspiracy to cover up the existence of such creatures. Last year Congress authorized a budget of $615 billion for the committee. This year, says the spokesman, “We will need more–lots more! Minotaurs are becoming a real problem, sneaking around people’s back yards on snowy nights. Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna get eaten.”
A spokesman for the Congressional Scientific Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, Unipeds, and Persons With Their Heads on Backwards has stated that these creatures have become active because of Global Warming. “They’re sure to kill a lot of people,” he added, “unless we can pass one helluva huge tax increase. Then everything will be nice again.”
