My wife, who must have had a much more sophisticated childhood than mine, had to tell me what a “wet willy” is: I had never heard of it. “You wet your pinky and stick it in someone’s ear,” she explains.
I’m glad we’ve got that cleared up, because now I can understand this news story. A Florida man has been arrested and charged with battery for allegedly giving his girlfriend a wet willy.
I don’t know how seriously they take that, down in Florida, but–
URGENT BREAKING NEWS!!
House Democrats have vowed to “put an end to the wet willy” by enacting strict wet willy laws. Leading Democrats have also threatened “to unleash David Hogg on anyone who even thinks about trying to defend this disgusting habit.” And a prominent feminist, Professor Belinda Crank, has condemned the wet willy as “the creation of the archiarchy.” Hillary Clinton has excoriated President Donald Trump for “using the office of the president to foster a wet willy culture.”
Said New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo, “Until we can build bigger prisons, we’ll have to parole ordinary felons, like armed robbers, murderers, and rapists, to make room for wet willy-doers, Climate Change deniers, and racist transphobe biggits who insist on using the wrong pronouns.”