‘Big Ape Politics’ (2019)

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Everything you need to know about fallen-world politics, you can learn from reading Tarzan books.

Big Ape Politics

Go ahead, I dare you–look at Congress, look at the appointed posts, and tell me it’s not about getting rich and sassy at the public’s expense. We are fallen–but do we really have to fall this far?

Who gets to run the show? Who gets the biggest percs? Whom does everybody else have to make like they respect?

The biggest ape, of course. Until a bigger, strong ape replaces him.

Edgar Rice Burroughs, you were a top-flight political scientist… and didn’t even know it.

Political Science–and Tarzan

Tarzan of the Apes by Edgar Rice Burroughs (1988, Hardcover) for sale  online | eBay

Speaking of orgies of sexual harassment (https://leeduigon.com/2021/10/08/californias-state-legislature-a-tar-pit-of-sexual-harassment-2017/), and the fact that #MeToo went away when they kept finding big-name liberals chasing women into the rest rooms, I learned everything I needed to know about this aspect of politics from just two sources.

First was an account of Czar Peter the Great’s visit to London in 1698. They called it his “Grand Embassy.” The English government provided him and his entourage with a luxury townhouse, servants, and free everything.

And the czar and his entourage, who had apparently never sat on chairs before, wrecked the place. The Grand Embassy behaved like a rock band. They brought horses indoors to race them up and down the marble staircase. They strewed garbage everywhere.

Because they could. No one would dare tell them to stop.

Equally illuminating are Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Tarzan stories. In these, the biggest, strongest ape is king until another ape can kill him; and while he’s king, he gets to mate with any female he wants, he’s entitled to first choice of whatever food is going, and there’s no way to hold him accountable for anything he does. Reading these, I got to thinking, “Gee, that sure sounds familiar! Where have I see this before?”

Or rather, where have I not seen it?

That’s the politics of this world: do whatever you please for as long as you can get away with it. The Big Ape rules. That’s the politics of the City of Man.

We prefer the City of God.

Big Ape Politics

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As a student of political science, I spent much time reading various theories of politics. None of the ones in the textbooks were anywhere near as convincing as what I found in Tarzan novels.

It came to me in a flash. I was reading about Peter the Great’s visit to London, and what a shambles he and his entourage made of the lovely house which had been provided for him. Did these men not know what a stairway was for? Did they not know not to ride their horses on the parquet flooring? They couldn’t have made a bigger mess if they’d been a tribe of apes…

Eureka!

In Edgar Rice Burroughs’ Tarzan stories, the apes are always competing with one another, often violently, to see who gets the most food, the most matings, the best place to sleep, and so on. And the ape who gets the most of everything, the biggest and the strongest and the meanest ape, gets to be king. Until a younger, stronger ape comes along and takes it away from him.

Holy cow! Politics!

It really is about who gets to have the most of everything–the most power, the most prestige, the biggest heap of other people’s money… It wasn’t even Burroughs who discovered this. We find it right there in the Bible, in 1 Samuel 8:10-18, in which Samuel warned the people of Israel exactly what would happen to them if they made good their resolve to have a king.

God knows we have a terrible penchant for finding big apes to rule over us. In Deuteronomy 17:14-20, God warns Israel, through Moses, that if they simply must have a king, they ought to have the kind of king God recommends–a king whose duties will include writing out God’s law, longhand, word for word, every day; no foreigner, but a true Israelite; and a king who will not use his position to collect loads of wealth or a vast herd of wives.

Most of the kings they got were just big apes.

God’s guidance, and faithfulness to His word, makes us real men and women: not apes with car keys.