G’day, it’s me, Byron the Quokka, with a super-important announcement!
We now have just over 45,000 comments on this blog, and Lee says I can start another comment contest as long as I don’t promise that the winner gets a bicycle.
So OK, new comment contest, with the finish line at 47,000, which means that the next contest will be for No. 50,000, a real milestone–and those dumb wombats said we’d never make it! But first this contest. Whoever posts Comment No. 47,000 wins the prize.
I don’t know what he’s got against giving away bicycles. [Editor’s Note: Byron, it wasn’t ours to give! How many times do I have to tell you that?] So I guess an autographed copy of his new book, The Temptation–and if you’ve already got it, you can ask for a different book.
I don’t know. A bag of pretzels and a can of Foster’s, that might really get people hopping…
And by the way, hopping is better than walking. Ask any quokka.
Yes, we have a comment contest winner! Byron the Quokka kept tugging on my pants-leg to tell me: “And the winner, posting Comment No. 44,000, is Phoebe!” (That’s his cousin, Eliza Williams, in the background. She is the only quokka with a surname.)
Phoebe, you have won an autographed copy of The Temptation (Bell Mountain No. 11), so please email me your mailing address so I can send it out. Byron wants to hand-deliver it, but I had to tell him no, that’s not on–first I’d have to fly him to New Jersey from Australia. We will just have to rely on the U.S. Postal Service.
Shoot! The contest is over. I was enjoying it. Well, we’ll just have to start a new one. Does 47,000 comments sound unreasonable? That’ll give me time to think of a really gaudy prize for No. 50,000.
To all of you who’ve played, thank you, it was fun, and we’ll do it again.
P.S.–Going down the stretch, this contest was very, very close! So if you were one of those readers who just missed, you’ll get a chance to try again.
Byron the Quokka has found another bicycle which he wants to offer as the prize to whoever wins our current comment contest. Sorry, Byron, it’s not our bike to give away. The best we can do for a prize is an autographed copy of my new book, The Temptation.
At the moment we have 43,950 comments–just 50 shy of 44,000, just 50 shy of a winner.
The contest is open to everyone, and all comments are eligible except for the following: any comments abusive to anyone else on this site; comments containing profanity or blasphemy; commercials thinly disguised as comments (shame on you!); and comments that are just too inane to be published. Other than that, anything goes.
I’ve got to hand it to Byron: he’s done a good job of running this contest. Who knew quokkas could be such capable administrators? But I don’t think he understands how expensive it would be for me to be giving away bicycles. Money does not loom large in any quokka’s way of life.
If by some statistical misfortune you don’t win the comment contest, there’s always this.
For less money than you’d pay for an order of steamed pork dumplings at the Pink Lotus–and they’re very nice dumplings, I hasten to add–you can get a Kindle copy of my new Bell Mountain novel, The Temptation. And if you’re really feeling like a sport, you can get it in paperback.
What would happen if all thousand of this blog’s subscribers bought the book, all at once?
Well, I would run outside and do a cartwheel, at risk of splitting my pants, my publishers would jump for joy, and leftids would feel downhearted. And a thousand people would have a nice book to read.
Byron the quokka is about ready to jump out of his skin with excitement. Well, he does take these things to heart. Ever since I made him in charge of the comment contest, he can hardly sit still.
There are a mere 127 comments left to go before someone posts No. 44,000 and wins the contest–and an autographed copy of The Temptation. Byron keeps checking because he wants to make the announcement. Unfortunately, the bicycle he wanted to give away as a prize belonged to someone else who has since gone home with it.
Everyone can play and all comments are eligible, with only these exceptions: comments abusive of anybody on this site; comments containing blasphemy or f-bombs; commercials disguised as comments; and, of course, comments too blindingly stupid to be published. Other than that, anything goes!
Byron the Quokka is concerned that the comments aren’t coming in as fast as he anticipated. So he has decided to up the ante.
Now the prize will be that wonderful bicycle you see in the picture behind him. I don’t know how a quokka goes about obtaining a bicycle. I don’t see how Byron’s feet can reach the pedals.
But whoever posts Comment No. 44,000 will win either an autographed copy of my new book, The Temptation, or that really nifty bike that somehow fell into Byron the Quokka’s opportunistic little paws. “The wheels actually turn!” he claims. We currently have 43,539 comments, so that leaves a mere 461 to go.
So come on, out there–think of something witty, pithy, or unforgettable to say and post it as a comment!
Just hurry up and do it before whoever that bike really belongs to shows up and takes it away.
I think there’s a future, though–don’t you?–in offering other people’s property as prizes in my contests. There’s gotta be a political theory that goes along with that…
I have enlisted the services of Byron the Quokka, pictured above, to remind everybody that we’ve got a comment contest going. Not much action on this blog today!
Byron says we currently have 43,447 comments, which means we are only 553 short of a winner. His arithmetic is impeccable. Yes, whoever posts Comment No. 44,000 will win an autographed copy of The Temptation–unless I can come up with something gaudier: maybe one of those supermarket robots that wanders around the aisles looking for spills.
All readers are eligible to play, and all comments are eligible except for the following: remarks abusive to anyone else on this site; comments containing profanity or blasphemy; ads thinly disguised as comments, as if we couldn’t see through that; or comments simply too inane, jejeune, or vacuous to bother with. Other than that, anything goes.
If you’ve already won a contest, don’t be shy–try to win again. Just don’t make a habit of it. I mean, if the same person wins all the time, that could make me look bad…
Well, we’ve got those first thousand comments out of the way, and that means the comment contest is halfway to a winner. We’re shooting for 44,000 comments, and now we’ve got 43,000 and change. Whoever posts Comment No. 44,000 will be the winner!
Ah! But what will the winner win? An autographed copy of The Temptation. I was hoping to be able to offer one of those magic rings that make you invisible, but I can’t seem to find the guy who had it last.
Anyone can play, and all comments are eligible, except for the following: comments abusive to anyone else on this site; comments containing blasphemy or profanity (sorry, liberals); ads disguised as comments; or comments simply to jejeune to bother with. Other than that, anything goes.
So c’mon out there, let’s get chatting! Like, some of you are here every day and have yet to post a comment. Don’t be shy. Reader input is what makes this blog go.
Comments have been unuzurly slow–oh, fap! Joe Collidge has got me doing it. I meant “unusually.”
At the moment we are just five comments short of 43,000, with a comment contest in the works. Whoever posts Comment No. 44,000 will win an autographed copy of my new book, The Temptation. I was thinking about making the prize a jar of Dinosaur DNA, suitable for cloning, but I haven’t found a reliable supplier.
Everyone can play and all comments are eligible, except for the following: comments abusive to anyone else on this site, comments containing blasphemy or profanity, advertisements thinly disguised as comments, or comments simply too inane to bother with. Other than that, anything goes.
It shouldn’t take that long to run up another thousand comments. C’mon, let’s do some chatting!
Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote/ The drought of March hath perced to the roote/
And bathed evry veyne in swich licour/ Of which vertu engendred is the flour…
–Geoffrey Chaucer, The Canterbury Tales
Checking the amazon.com page for my new book, The Temptation, to see if I’ve been selling any, I was rather shocked to read “Language: Middle English.”
Huh? Middle English is the language Geoffrey Chaucer spoke in the 14th century, scarcely intelligible to modern English speakers. Forsooth. I mean, it sounds really cool if you know how to read it, but forget about most people understanding you.
I couldn’t find any other definition of “Middle English” on Wikipedia. I like “Zephyrus with his swete breethe” as much as the next guy, but c’mon, now.
On the bright side, I couldn’t find any sample pages that looked like that page from The Canterbury Tales, pictured above.
I hope Geoffrey Chaucer has a big fan base, nowadays. I might be in trouble if he doesn’t.