Tag Archives: doctor visits

Help!

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Oh, boy! It’s the eye doctor’s waiting room tomorrow! Watching the hours trickle away, waiting for “The View” to come on, or else talk shows hosted by cable TV celebrities I never heard of with guests who don’t show up half the time, and the host has to go out to the parking lot and see what’s what–

Oh, fap!

I’m supposed to write a Newswithviews column tomorrow. I have a book I need to finish before the cold weather sets in–sort of like a farmer with a crop he’s got to get in before the frost. Couldn’t post anything here, earlier, because I was creating posts to appear here tomorrow while I’m trapped at the doctor’s. So now I have to catch up.

Say-hey, everybody! Any suggestions for a quick, punchy Newswithviews column? I’ll listen, if you’ve got ’em. It has to be written tomorrow afternoon.

And now to rush outside with my legal pad and try to get back into my novel…


It’s Tanystropheus Time Again

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Do you really want to read about the first “same-sex romance” on some reality TV show? Do you think I want to write about it?

It’s Tanystropheus time!

When the nooze is just too disgusting to bother with, it’s time to imagine going for a swim or playing Parchesi with one of those impossibly long-necked reptiles of a bygone age. They’re back in Lintum Forest now, if you can find the way.

Speaking of which, I think I’d better head out there myself. We have another doctor visit this afternoon, two or three hours of my work day lost… So please take the opportunity, dear readers, to browse around the blog archives for all sorts of cool stuff.


Are People Getting Weirder?

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Some of you might find this anecdote a little gross, but stay with me: the point of it is to take note of a particularly puzzling example of weird behavior.

My wife’s doctor had her send away for a special stool sample kit. She was to provide a sample and send the whole thing back to the lab for testing.

Some weeks went by without the kit turning up in the mail. So finally she phoned the laboratory and asked why they hadn’t sent it.

Oh, but they had! They’d not only sent it, but it had already been sent back, complete with sample.

“But I never got it! That wasn’t me, who sent you that sample!” Happily, whoever had done it, had done it wrong and there was no point testing it.

But think about it. Suppose you receive in the mail a stool sample kit that you’d never asked for. What would you do? Uh, check the address, and if it came to you because the carrier misread the address, make sure it gets redirected to the right place? You may even live just a few doors down from the person who was supposed to receive it, and you can carry it over yourself.

Or maybe you’ll just leave the box on the foyer and tell your mail carrier he made a mistake.

Probably the last thing you’d even think of doing would be to provide a stool sample yourself and send it back to the lab for testing. Like, how many times does some stranger come out of the blue and ask you for a stool sample? Not even in San Francisco, baby! And if someone did ask you, would you oblige them? I’m not sure I want answers to these questions.

But even worse–what if this unknown kook hadn’t misapplied the instructions, and they tested the sample not knowing it had not been provided by the patient whom they were supposed to test? “Well, ma’am, we’re sorry to tell you this, but we’ve tested your sample and found you’re at high risk to turn into the Hideous Sun Demon! You’ll need all your internal organs operated on ASAP!”

I mean, what kind of weirdo does this? Shouldn’t you at least ask, Why does someone want a stool sample from me… and who is it who’s asking? And how many people are there out there wacky enough to do a thing like this?

I don’t know about you, but this incident really does strike me as surpassingly bizarre.


Back Again (Yeah, Again) from the Doctor’s

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My wife was to have an additional mammogram or something this afternoon, and I was set to go to Keyport to get us some nice seafood. She got me to take her to the hospital. “We have lots of time,” she said. “What they want to do only takes a few minutes.”

Ninety minutes later… Well, at least they didn’t find anything wrong with her. I was wondering just what was going on back there. Finally I went to the desk and asked if my wife had been carted off or something–at which point she magically appeared.

In the interval, the guy I was talking to fell asleep and I resorted to the magazines. Entertainment Something-or-Other. I can’t even guess who would find any of this stuff entertaining.

On the TV, a lot of rather obese people were going wild over a couple of celebrities I never heard of. The celebrities looked like they would’ve been more at home on some of those posters you see in the post office. One of them had a very small and kind of pointy head.

I got an idea for a really dumb movie. Crocodile Dundee Goes to Australia. Surprisingly, it wasn’t being hyped in this misbegotten magazine. For those too young to know about Crocodile Dundee movies, Mr. Dundee lived in Australia so he wouldn’t need to go there.

Anyway, that’s how come I didn’t blog this afternoon…


Prayer Request: Us

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Patty had a very bad night last night–which means I had a bad night, too–so today’s doctor visit had to be rescheduled. This business of several doctors’ appointments a week has not yet born much fruit and is beginning to take its toll. We were really hoping it would help. That first inhaler she got was practically a miracle until it turned around and bit her, and had to be discontinued.

Please pray for us: we need it.

Maybe I can work on my book today, if I don’t crash.

 


By Request, ‘Bringing in the Sheaves’

I love this hymn, and I’m so glad Erlene requested it–Bringing in the Sheaves, sung by the unforgettable Tennessee Ernie Ford. Patty heard me playing it and did a little dance: first time she’d done that in a while.

Her ear has begun to fill with fluid again,  but the doctor said not to worry about that: now that he’s made the hole, it’ll drain out. Eventually it will all drain out. Meanwhile, she’s happy she can talk on the phone while holding it to her left ear–couldn’t do that while the ear wasn’t working.

I went to the supermarket after that, it’s only 84 degrees today but it feels hotter than that, and then had a cigar and wrote another chapter of The Wind From Heaven. For some reason I now feel exceedingly tired.

Thank you all for your prayers, and please keep them coming. We need ’em.


Hurray for Patty’s Ear Doctor!

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Well, one problem’s been solved!

Patty’s left ear hasn’t worked for several months, I had to communicate with her by yelling, which doesn’t come natural to me and I don’t like it–but it wasn’t wax buildup. It was fluid behind the eardrum.

This morning the guy went in there with a needle and drained as much of the fluid as he could. Voila! She can hear again! I can stop yelling. Wow, something actually worked!

Everything else is still up in the air, but at least this page has been turned. Thank you all for your prayers–and we still need them. There’s still a long way to go, lots of doctoring left…


Where We’ll Be Today

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New blog posts today won’t be as hard to find as the fence lizard in this picture. That’s because I’ve pre-published a couple, and if it works, they will appear in due course while Patty and I are marooned at the ear doctor’s. We also have to do our grocery shopping for the weekend.

Joe Collidge will put in his customary appearance.

In addition to being naturally hard to see when they cling to the bark of a tree, fence lizards will also circle around, like squirrels, to try to keep the tree trunk between you and then. But they do get tame and friendly if you keep them a while and treat them nicely.

Can’t say the same for Joe.


3 Hours at the Doctor’s

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I could just plotz. Doctoring today took up three hours of the morning. Then I had to revisit my enormous censorship article for a number of edits. Oh! Don’t forget to write a Newswithviews column!

And I am heartily disappointed in the spiders in my neighborhood. They don’t seem to be catching any flies. In fact, I suspect they’re directing flies into our apartment. It would serve them right if I brought in a chameleon. I have never seen a sorrier lot of spiders than these.

But then standards are sinking everywhere.


We’re Not Here

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We’re back to the hospital now, so Patty can have a mammogram. Then there’s the ear guy, the pulmonary doctor, and then back to the first doctor… This had better work.

I spent so much time in waiting rooms yesterday, had so much TV nooze chattered at me, that I went just about stir-crazy. I can’t imagine the psychological landscape of someone who watches TV all the time.

I pray this all works…


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