The universe–in a wishbone!
Want something real bad?
Ask the universe!
This is what we get out of the costliest, high-techiest, most intrusive “education” system in world history. We still have the same superstitions that we had 200 years ago; only the packaging is different.
But hey, just tell the universe what you want, it’s can’t help but work–
Unless you’re just figment of somebody else’s imagination.
My home town now boosts some half a dozen life coaches. What does that say about it?
–Hold it right there! [Protest lodged by Dr. Fantod]
[Dr. Fantod is a jumping spider. He is also the official Life Coach at Quokka University.]
I am so sick of these so-called “life coaches” who wouldn’t know an aphid from a fruit fly! Who’s any better for having consulted one of them–eh? Crikey! “Oh, Dr. Fantod, I’ve fallen deeply in love with a money-wasting scoundrel who’s driven me practically bankrupt, and on top of that, every chance he gets, he cheats on me–!” Do you really need a life coach to tell you to stop doing stupid stuff? Did God forget to give you any sense? Do you have any idea of how many tasty and nutritious bugs inhabit a mere ten feet of rose hedge?
Sure, I’ll listen to a student’s tale of woe. And then I’ll do what his momma and his poppa should’ve done–send him off to the nearest bushes with a jar and tell him not to come back until he’s caught his supper. I don’t know about you, but I really like those brightly-colored leaf-hoppers…
Yummy!
One of these days I ought to write about the occultism that was going on in the typesetting room of the old Bayshore Independent. I do not mean that as a figure of speech.
For the time being–at least until I get back from the laundromat–there’s this.
As a Interllectural, i dont beleave in no life “After” death exept wen Some Peple thay get re-incarcerated and come “back” as somboddy else and i was Talking Abote that wen some Other stodent {I didnt know her} she sayed Yiu “”wuldnt say that Iff” yiu gone to a Sayonce “Whey ‘don” yiu come to my Dorm Roomb to-nite” and “thenn yiu” wil see!
So i whent thare Lasst nihght and she “got” us To sit at This litle Tabel with a Weegee Bored on it and we put Our fingres on this hear Platstic Thing and she turnt offf al the lihghts and kep saying Is Any Boddy thare??? Wel that was kind of Boaring but thenn Al of A Suden this Squeeky Voice it sayed “I Amb Hear!” and i seen this litle Puppit kind of parson floting over the Tabel and that Gril she sayed “shhhh! it Is a” Spirrit and evin thuhgh I amb a Introlllectural i stil Got Sort Of scared!!!
But i asked how “Come thare” is that String coming out of his Head? she toled me Dont “mind” that it Is Not a “string, it Is” exoplasum It connecks him “to” the Spirrit Worled!
It turns out he is the gost of a Sammereye from Jappan he dyed like 5 Thosand years aggo and he sayed “i amb hear to Tell the Fuchure!!
Wel i thuhght it was Strange his Vice it sonded like It “was” from somwear in the Back of the roomb but she sayed “dont Mind” that becose “he has To Talk with-out Vocle Cords he Is a” Spirrit and he got A messidge four yiu! And he sayed if I wuld come to a Sayonce evry weak the Spirrits thay wuld get to Work “On” the Other Side “and we Can make Hillery be Pressident by This hear Time” neckst yeer!!
O watt goood news!!! i amlost falled out Of “the” Chare! and i sayed “of Corse! i” wil come and Do Sayonce evry weak you bet!!!” and he made me Prommis to doo it and then he jist wisked up to the seeling and Dis-apeered and the Sayonce it was over and the gril she turnt on the Lihght!
And yiu know watt she sayed thenn??? “That wil be $50.00 dollers pleese!!!”
I culdnt beleave it! i hasnt got “no $50.00 dollers;, i hasnt evin Got no $5.00 dollers!” and then this gye al dresst in Black i didnt see him befour,, he “must of” been Hideing oar maybe he “was” geting reddy to go fishin becose he Had a fishin pole leenin aginst the whall-,-wuld yiu beleave it he “slaped” me arond and puled my pockits In-side Out and wen he seen i reely dint have no Monny he sayed A Sayonce “it cost monny, yiu are jist a Bum, get out” of heere And “dont yiu never come B ack yiu big Bum!!!
Gee wiz i shure Hope i “can” borow the monny so the Spirrits thay can make Hillery be Pressadint! Iff anny of yiu ordrinary dum peple reed this i hope yiu Send me som!!!
