Ramesses II – Lee Duigon

‘Eighties Nostalgia (Oh, Please!)

leeduigon(patty)August 30, 2022

The Hittites' fast war chariots threatened mighty Egypt | National Geographic

Last night we watched a little documentary about the 1980s, and how long ago that was, and so different from today! Well, heck, I remember the 1980s. I remember them just fine.

We rode to our softball games in chariots. They said a guy in Edison Township had a car, but we didn’t believe it.

We had pay phones within walking distance of our caves.

Some guy named Icarus made himself bird’s wings with feathers and beeswax and tried to fly across the Mediterranean; but he flew too close to the sun and the wax melted, and that was the end of him.

Our neighbor actually met Fred Flintstone once.

Buttons were invented in the 1980s.

“Central heating” meant your campfire was in the middle of the floor.

Yessiree, it was a tough time in that ancient world! But I’m telling you, no one knew how to throw a parade like Pharaoh Ramesses II. President Madison learned a lot from him.

Transphobia, the Silent Killer

leeduigon(patty)November 11, 2017

Guest columnist Dr. Sheldon Puce chairs the Dean Jagger School of Baldness at Fimbo University, where he is also Big Professor of Gender Studies. I have no idea why I have permitted him to do this.

I call transphobia “that there silent killer” because here at Fimbo University we don’t allow any transphobic remarks. Our Attitude Adjustment Program, centered on beatings and electric shocks, does a pretty good job of silencing transphobia.

But transphobia is also a civilization-killer, in that wherever it exists, it prevents the best and smartest people from taking charge of things. No civilization can flourish without multitudes of transgendered persons! My research has turned up the fact–predicted by my theory, of course–that throughout the history of the world, almost all great, important, really cool individuals were–you guessed it!–transgender.

Ramesses II, for instance, the greatest pharaoh Ancient Egypt ever had, was born Shirley Muldoon. Gender reassignment therapy quickly corrected that mistake! Queen Hatshepsut, on the other hand, was born a man, an error for which her parents were executed. Again, gender reassignment to the rescue!

Imagine history without Julius Caesar, Queen Victoria, Thomas Edison, Hyman Kaplan–all transgendered, every one of them! Imagine civilization without the great contributions made solely by transgendered persons–writing, building, the wheel, agriculture, and those things you throw in your laundry to make it smell nice.

Well, I have to go now, I’m chairing a meeting of Academics ‘R’ Us. Remember what I said–and get your gender changed today.

How Old is ‘Old’?

leeduigon(patty)June 17, 2017

Image result for images of ramesses ii

On more than one occasion, I’ve been insulted by liberals on account of my age. As in, “You still don’t get it, do you, grandpa?” as a clever way of putting down to creeping senility my opposition to one or the other of their creepy social engineering projects. If I were only young and vibrant–and ignorant–I would naturally embrace the wisdom of socialism, gender-bending, or whatever.

I saw a movie last night in which a man, the victim of a reputation-destroying lie, was described even by his loving family as “old” and all but ready for the glue factory–at 68! Like, someone that old, it’s not even worthwhile to rescue his good name: he might pop off 15 minutes later. And the actor who played him looked only a little livelier than the mummy of Ramesses II (pictured above).

Sixty-eight years old… Wait a minute! I’m 68! Doh!

Oh, you mean “68 years young“! Is there a smarmier or more condescending expression in any language in the world? And meanwhile, how did the word “older” come to mean “less old”? How is that a euphemism for “old”?

Well, lemme tell ya somethin’ about “old.”

If you’re 68 instead of 38, it means you can remember better times and better people than a 38-year-old will ever know–although he’s in better shape than a 28-year-old, and much better off than an 18-year-old. It means you have seen better ways of doing things than are done now, and you know what they look like and remember how to do them. It means you know, for a fact, that we don’t have to live like sock puppets. You’ve even seen some worse things, and you know what should be avoided.

A doctor said to me, a year or so ago, “You ride your bike no-handed. What more do you want?” I rest my case.