robots to replace humans

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From April 13, 2018

I amb hear to tel yiu ordinary Dum peeple “abote” Artafishiul Intelerginse that meens Roebots! Thare is a guy he “Is” in Jappan he sais he is “Going” To has roebots and Cumputers run his hole Town and thare wont be No Moar stopid peeple “Trying To” do it!!

Hear at Collidge wee “are” wirking on Roebots thay wil do Evry Thing and us Interllecturals al we Wil has to do fromb now On is studdy moar Gender Studies and rite Cow Boy potery and play whith Play Doe!!! Exept our Prefessers thay dont Whant Roebots “to” do thare prefessering Becose then thay wuldnt has no jobbs!!

Wel the Thing abote Roebots “is” thay al gots Cumputers in thare branes so thay Are alyawys Smart and thay cant nevver make No misteaks!!! Becose Artafishiul Intelerginse it is Better “then” Reel Intelerginse in fact’d Thay are a Lot like “Mr. Spoque in” Star Treck and if Artafishiul Intelerginse it was Voting insted of stopid dum peple Hillery she wuld Be our Pressadint!!!

My prefesser he sayes Artafishiul Intellerginse it shuld jist “do” Evry Thing becose Work Blows! and no boddy thay shuld nevver has to Work no moar exept al them dum and stopid christins and oncet we got Artifishiul Intelerginsse Up and Runing then we Can “get rid” of Boarders and give Anmesty to al the Undoctaminted Immergrints in the whorld!!!! and aslo Free Stuff to Evry Boddy exept wite hetrosexial Mails!!

This hear It “is The” Waive Of The Futre!

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I’m too sick to cover any nooze today, and I’ll have to get a lot better before I can even think about cranking out this week’s Newswithviews column; but in the meantime, I am troubled that suddenly they’ve got no one to host the Oscars. Some celebrity I never heard of was going to do it, but it turns out he told a couple of “gay” jokes a few years ago, so he’s out–and they haven’t found a replacement.

I was going to suggest the boxer, Oscar Bonavena, but he died a while ago.

It’s got to be some left-wing loon of an actor who has never, ever, in his whole life said anything that anyone (except Christians and normal people) could possibly object to. Does such a person actually exist?

I have two candidates to offer.

Emmanuel Macron, president of France: he already has a couple of thrones to sit on, if he can’t do the gig standing up. And he may soon be looking for a job, having gotten his countrymen madder than they’ve been at anyone since Hitler. And he despises normal people, loves high taxes, and is a rock-solid globalist and Citizen Of The World. He might be happy to host the Oscars. It just might save him from the guillotine.

But if he’s not available, the next best thing would be a robot–one specially made just for this occasion, who has no personal history of ever saying anything and would be incapable of saying or doing anything except for whatever he’s programmed for. They could call him “Mr. Future,” as in the future of liberalism. As in “Look, this is what the human race will be when we’ve finished with it!”

Either way, they can’t miss.