Tag: velociraptor

‘Snow White and… Who?’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Fun Ideas for Snow • Pickle Planet Moncton

I’m trying hard to keep nooze off this blog today, although it does seem to be costing me readership. Haven’t clicked on to a single news site this morning.

This afternoon we’re going to watch a movie. Patty has selected one for us. It sounds like it might be something along the lines of Snow White Meets Jurassic Park–and probably you don’t want to be in it if you’re one of the Seven Dwarfs. Sam Neill is in it, though. He attracts dinosaurs.

The picture above indicates that the Dwarfs take shelter in a big plastic box full of cotton, and hide there until the Velociraptors are gone. I’ll bet Snow White winds up taming them! Anyway, I’m always up for dinosaurs. I hope they have a Dryptosaurus.

If you as a reader strongly object to my backing off the nooze on weekends, I guess you’d better let me know. It was Byron the Quokka’s idea, by the way. For once I’ve listened to him.

‘Centaur Escapes from Government Raptor Facility’ (2014)

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They still haven’t caught the centaur, six years later. If he ever gets a chance to sing, the Deep State is finished.

Centaur Escapes from Government Raptor Facility

Some of you will want to know what the government was doing, breeding Velociraptors. I’m afraid you’d have to ask those corruptocrats at the IRS. I have a feeling they weren’t breeding them as house pets.

But the centaur knows. That’s why they’re after him.

They Can Do… Everything

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

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So we’re watching this TV show last night, Primeval, and these two paleontologists, guys who dig up and study fossils, suddenly grab a pair of motorbikes and dart all around the parking garage, chasing and being chased by raptors. They just know how to maneuver a motorbike at high speed among parked cars. In fact, they just know how to do wheelies. Both of them know these things. Instinctively. Up until that point in the series, we never saw hide nor hair of motorbikes. And now they’re doin’ wheelies. It’s very effective against raging dinosaurs.

How many times have we seen this in movies and TV shows? Some wispy little Barbie snatches up a .50-caliber machine gun and mows down the zombies. Joe Hero jumps into an unguarded helicopter and just takes off. Heavy machinery, high technology, advanced weapons systems–it’s all the same. Whatever special ability is suddenly called for in the script, the character in that scene has it. No one ever just doesn’t know what to do! “Old man Can’t is dead!”

Pity me. If I were being chased by Velociraptors, you could have 50 motorbikes parked in a row and I wouldn’t know how even to get one started, let alone zoom around like Steve McQueen, doin’ wheelies. First I would have to be taught. Then I’d have to practice. No time for that in a movie!

I consider this a literary crime, and pledge myself to try as hard as I can to avoid committing it in any of my novels. Your money back if I can’t do it!