Category: REPRINT

An Answer to a Bible-Basher REPRINT

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

From November 21, 2013

“Would you be willing to stand in a court of law and say that, yes, Jonah did in fact spend three days in the belly of a great fish?”

Sooner or later, every high-school charlie trots out this ancient cliche. They hug themselves, grinning at the thought of how they’ve just cut the floor out from everyone who believes the Bible.

If there’s one thing worse than an idiot, it’s a boring idiot. At least give us some fresh, creative idiocy–not this old stuff that’s been going round and round since 1563.

So a “court of law” is to be the high authority? For most of American history, a witness in a court of law had to swear on the Bible, by almighty God, that his evidence is true. Would the witness ever have been asked to swear on the Bible that the Bible isn’t true? Political correctness has in recent years moved us to abandon this practice; but to this day, the President of the United States takes his oath of office with his hand on the Bible.

But if the court of law really is the high authority, does every witness tell the truth? Are we sure of hearing nothing but the truth in any court of law?

The Bible must be fiction, reasons the fool who is wise in his own eyes, because it includes accounts of miracles. A miracle is something that our experience of the world tells us cannot happen. More–it’s something the Experts tell us cannot happen. Miracles happen in the Bible, therefor the Bible can’t be true.

But the Bible attributes miracles to God, and recognizes them as rare exceptions to the laws of nature. That’s what makes them miracles. Indeed, Moses got in serious trouble for taking credit to himself for one of God’s miracles–“Hear now, ye rebels; must we fetch you water out of this rock?” (Numbers 20:10)

So let’s ask the Bible-basher a question.

Would you be willing to stand in a court of law and say, yes, life arose from non-living materials and “evolved” into dinosaurs, rosebushes, and Mozart?

Now who’s talking miracles?

Lord Jeremy’s Love Triangle

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From February 11, 2018

This is supposedly Chapter CXXXI of Violet Crepuscular’s epic romance, Oy, Rodney, but I couldn’t swear to it.

The wandering spider collector, Miss Lizzie Snivel, has taken to hanging around Lord Jeremy Coldsore’s driveway lemonade stand and frightening the customers by trying to give them spiders.

“Want me to shoot her for you, Germy?” asks Willis Twombley, the American adventurer. He has been methodically picking off Lord Jeremy’s creditors, one by one. The most recent victim, this morning, he has concealed in Coldsore Hall’s infamous Haunted Bedroom.

“Rather you didn’t, old boy.”

The problem here is that Miss Lizzie is dazzlingly beautiful, except for the unsightly ruin of her nose, where she was once bitten by an Australian Venomous Horror Spider named Jeff. She has fallen in love with Lord Jeremy and can’t bear to be away from him. He finds it very flattering.

The Japanese ambassador makes another cameo appearance here, but no one wants him.

“Lady Margo ain’t gonna like yer flirtin’ with that spider gal,” Twombley warns. “If’n she gits word of it, she might not marry us. There ain’t nothin’ as jealous as a woman with a wooden leg. Believe me, I know!”

“If only she wouldn’t keep trying to sneak into Coldsore Hall at night!” cries Jeremy. Against his will, her persistence is beginning to win her over. Unknown to everyone, Miss Lizzie has amassed a colossal fortune by collecting spiders. She has not yet mentioned this.

“Lady Margo been tryin’ to sneak in? What’s wrong with that?” wonders Twombley.

“Not Lady Margo, old boy! It’s that spider girl. She won’t take no for an answer.”

Meanwhile a loud brawl breaks out in the taproom of the Lying Tart that night between villagers who believe Black Rodney is a dangerous sorcerer returned from the dead to put curses on the shire, and those who are convinced he is a kind of catfish. Constable Chumley restores order with a speech that no one understands. It is not reproduced here. “I am afraid his language is not what it should be,” Ms. Crepuscular confides in her readers.

Feminist Theology Babble, Pure Babble

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From February 18, 2018

Ben Shapiro thinks he has discovered “the single most illiterate piece ever written on the Biblical story of Adam and Eve,” (https://www.dailywire.com/news/26947/female-rabbi-publishes-single-stupidest-piece-ben-shapiro) and we must admit it would be hard to beat. “Its central thesis is that God somehow sexually harassed Eve, and that Eve is ‘the first case of #MeToo’.”

Quick, the barf bag!

How could there be any “too” when she was the first and only woman in the world?

This pure crapola has been written by some “female rabbi” who is soon to have a book out on “Walking the Way of the Divine Feminine.” As Shapiro himself admits, “Words fail.”

It’s hard enough to imagine this person as any kind of rabbi, but equally hard to imagine her congregation. She calls God “this man-made figurehead of the patriarchy  [editor’s note: Oh, do please shut up!]…He is a fiction.” Really, what kind of congregation would sit through bilge like that? Had they nothing to throw at her?

She concludes, “Eve, our blessed mother, is saying ‘#MeToo’,” hashtag and all. With the hashtag, no less. Do any of you wonder why I say “#MeToo” is going to burn itself out?

Ben, Ben, faithful Orthodox Jewish brother, we feel your pain. We Christians are lumbered with the same profoundly grotesque feminist theology as are some hopefully small corners of Judaism. See my series of articles about paganism and goddess worship in the churches.

Blasphemy is a sin, and a serious sin at that. Being conformed to the inane and fleeting fashions of this world comes at a price: and there’s gonna be some howling and gnashing of teeth when it’s time to pay.