Blessing ‘The Mummy’s Curse’

Unwinding from a more than usually stressful week, my wife and I resorted to one of our favorite movies–The Mummy’s Curse (1944).

You know what’s really cool about this movie? Virginia Christine‘s performance as “the Princess Ananka.” Try to forget that the screenplay makes no sense whatsoever.

Ms. Christine had a very long acting career in movies and TV. If you’re old enough, you probably know her best as “Mrs. Olsen” in a bunch of Folger’s Coffee commercials. The role of Princess Ananka came quite early in her career, and she just blew the doors off it. Hey, the whole movie’s only 61 minutes long. It’s worth seeing just to watch her first scene.

Yes, I know the storyline of the mummy movies sometimes lapses into incoherence. When we last see them, before this movie, the Mummy and his hapless reincarnated princess are getting sucked into a bog somewhere in New England. In The Mummy’s Curse, the two of them emerge from the mud in Louisiana. If you can explain how that happened, you need to apply for a job as a presidential press secretary.

Anyhow, it’s all in fun–and I don’t think you have to worry about this movie scaring you to death.

Waiting for ‘the Righteous Candidate’

I have been getting it from some of my fellow Christians for my insistence that the only way to get rid of Barack Obama is to elect Mitt Romney president. There simply is no other way.

If you state this indisputable fact, you run afoul of Christians who apparently are holier than you can ever hope to be. Rather than take the only practical, peaceful, lawful means to remove Obama, they prefer to sit it out on the sidelines with their arms and ankles crossed–“waiting,” as they put it, “for the righteous candidate.”

Well, who in the world would that be? According to the Bible, nobody: “There is none righteous, no, not one.” (Romans 3:10) Dinesh D’Souza was a righteous man a few days ago–until we heard he was bunking up with a woman other than his wife. How are we supposed to know who’s righteous? In ancient days, kings anointed by the Lord’s high priests turned out to be rotters. Should the house of Ahab stay on the throne because the house of Jehu wasn’t righteous? Certain the Lord didn’t seem to think so. (II Kings, Chap. 10)

RIP: Eddie Yost

Eddie Yost, the American League’s original “Walking Man,” has died. He was 86 years old.

I don’t know how many of you are baseball fans, but I was brought up on baseball and all those players from that era are pieces of my past. As John Donne once wrote, “If a clod be washed away, Europe is the less.”

Eddie was unique in his ability to draw walks. It was extremely hard to beat out Ted Williams for the league lead in walks, but Eddie did it six times! And it was without being a batting champion or a home run hitter–pitchers had no pressing reason to be afraid of him, so he did it all with his eye.

I hope he walked right into Heaven.

The ‘Town Hall’ Debate: A Prediction

We are grateful to Vice-Present Biden for showing such great restraint in his debate with Congressman Ryan. We understand how hard it was for him not to tear off his clothes, swing from the light fixtures, and throw feces at his opponent.

But that was last week, and tomorrow night’s the big “town hall” presidential debate at Hofstra University, which is not a town and doesn’t have a town hall. At the last minute they weren’t able to get Michael Moore to be the moderator, after all.

I despise the “town hall” format. We are asked to believe this event is pure Americana, a page out of a Norman Rockwell calendar, pure democracy in action. They must think we have no brains at all.

Expect to hear “ordinary citizens” who have been carefully screened and coached ask “spontaneous” questions like these:

“Governor Romney, why do you lie through your lying teeth about all those taxes you never paid while you were crushing poor little poor people into the dust?”

“Dear Mr. President Obama, your honor, it’s the highlight of my life to look upon your wonderful face! Can you tell me what you think has been your most noble and memorable achievement during the past 12 hours?”

The official and bona fide prediction of this blog: Romney will be walking into the biggest stacked deck since Shane went all alone into the bad guys’ saloon. (You really must see that movie, Shane, if you haven’t already.) I hope they go so over-the-top with this that even the TV audience will see through it.

Spiking Nasty Rumors

All sorts of nasty rumors are swirling around this presidential election season. In the interests of an informed public, I wish to refute some of the more lurid ones.

The following statements are not true. Honest.

*John Boehner is a eunuch.

*The Obama Phone lady from Cleveland will moderate the next presidential debate.

*In the wake of Hillary Clinton’s performance as Secretary of State, she will resign and be replaced by Perez Hilton.

*”E Pluribus Unum” will be removed from our currency and replaced by a new national motto: “The government is the only thing we all belong to.”

*”In God We Trust” will be replaced by “You Didn’t Build That.”

*If Madonna keeps her promise to take off all her clothes in public if Obama is re-elected, she will be the next person appointed to the Supreme Court.

*By executive order, all churches must be covered with canvas so that atheists don’t have to see them.

*To convince the Muslim world of our good will, the president will deliver the State of the Union address in Arabic.

I repeat: none of these is true. Our wonderful and glorious leaders would never even think of doing any of these things.

You have their word on it.

 

A Fallen Church… And a Prayer for America

Yesterday I drove past the church in which I was raised. I haven’t been inside the building since I heard the new pastor say, “Adultery is no big deal.”

Yesterday they had a new sign up on the front lawn, next to the old sign advertising “a welcoming and affirming congregation.” The new one reads:

“Stop persecuting them by deporting them. Let them stay.” “Them” being illegal aliens, people who break our country’s laws.

What was this sign doing in front of a church? Well, they don’t care much about God’s laws; why should they respect man’s laws?

A Prayer

This is a prayer which I pray every day now, for my country.

“Father, we as a nation are so far gone in sin and folly, so blind, so deaf, so lawless, that we cannot possibly save ourselves. Stretch forth your mighty arm, and the hand that created the heavens and the earth, and by your irresistible strength turn us off the disastrous course we have been following: turn us back to you, and make your face to shine: and then we shall be saved. Amen.”

‘Jesus for President,’ Eh?

Big-shot Presbyterian theologian Tim Keller claims he has a million ignoramuses signed up to vote for Jesus Christ for president.

So what’s wrong with that?

I don’t know about Mr. Keller, but Christ is my king, whose right it is to rule all of Creation. President would be a serious demotion.

What this exceptionally silly man is actually doing is trying to take Christians out of the electoral equation. He offers them that most tempting of all baits, a smug sense of self-righteousness. That he has strayed perilously near to blasphemy seems not to have occurred to him.

Jesus as president, eh? Does that mean He has to step down when the eight years are up? Can Congress override His vetoes? Could He be impeached? Would he have to answer questions from an inane and impious Washington press corps?

It’s really too silly for words. Nothing but a fine-sounding excuse for throwing votes away and allowing a communist community organizer to be re-elected.

Mr. Keller is a false prophet.

A Disgraceful Plea for Publicity

The Last Banquet is out in paperback now, and available via amazon.com (also in Kindle format)… and I need reader reviews!

Isn’t it shameful, what being made responsible for his own publicity will do to a man? I never used to be like this. I’d even do commercials, if I ever got the opportunity. So here I am imploring my readers to help spread the word about my books, and to post glowing reviews on Amazon. Who knows what depths I’ll finally sink to?

Meanwhile, we are editing Book #5, The Fugitive Prince, and Kirk DouPonce has been given the go-ahead to create another one of his fantastic covers for it. And my continuity editor is reading The Palace to make sure I haven’t made any glaring mistakes with it. You know–like the way Sir Thomas Malory forgot that he’d killed off Sir Carados and kept bringing him back. In between The Thunder King and Last Banquet, I managed to lose 18 of Lord Reesh’s devoted servants. But now that I have a continuity editor, I don’t have to worry about things like that happening.

Another Chance for… Who?

A big-deal columnist said this week that a lot of voters feel bad that President Obama has been such a total balls-up failure and disgrace as president, and think he ought to get another chance.

In light of his performance, wouldn’t that be like giving another chance to a bad knife-thrower?

‘The Last Banquet’ in Paperback, at Last

The fourth book of my Bell Mountain series, The Last Banquet, is now available in paperback. You can order it via amazon.com, or save a couple of bucks by ordering it directly from The Chalcedon Foundation (www.chalcedon.edu –click on “Store,” then “Books,” then “Fiction”).

Please try to buy it before they outlaw it or something.

I am typing up the last few chapters of The Palace. Soon I will have to send my baby off to college–that is, to be edited–and fuss and fret until graduation (publication).

I don’t know quite how to explain the feeling of a book passing out of my hands after such a long and intimate association with it. It’s not altogether pleasurable, I can tell you that.

But–heheheh!–wait’ll you read the climax of this thing!