Cornell U: No History Allowed!

Abraham Lincoln and the Gettysburg Address

We’re not allowed to have any history. Recently Cornell Looniversity disappeared a plaque of the Gettysburg Address and a bust of Abraham Lincoln (

Gee, what happened to the Gettysburg Address? Why can’t anybody see it? Where did it go?

The looniversity president offered no explanation, no answer, no comment. The most that anybody could find out was, “Someone complained.”

Someone who? Can anyone complain, and Cornell will oblige them? Not flaming likely. Let’s see someone “complain” about stocking the men’s rest rooms with tampons and “period products” and see where that gets you. Is there something in the Gettysburg Address that no sane or decent person would countenance?

Or is this just some more anti-American anti-sane and anti-decent Far Left Crazy horse-schiff?

Defund the colleges. They have gone on too long. Take away the money and be done with them.

Why Not ‘Insertion Poetry’?

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Okay! We’ve got “erasure poetry,” in which some ninny blacks out or otherwise deletes words and phrases from a poem that somebody else wrote, to produce a new poem which looks very like gibberish. But if you can make new poems by taking stuff out of old ones, which not create new poems by putting something… in?

Voila! Insertion poetry! Like so:

Jack and Jill went [off to Brazil]/ to fetch a [poisonous tree frog]/ Jack [climbed a tree] and broke his [knee],/ and Jill came tumbling [onto a wart hog].

Gee, it’s sort of like Mad Libs without the blanks. It works with prose, too:

Fourscore and seven years ago, our [capitalist warmongers] brought forth a new [chicken coop], conceived in [J.P. Morgan’s private office] and dedicated to [cut-throat business practices] and [unrestrained drunkenness]…

This is bound to catch on at every university and college in America. Shall I compare thee to a [bowl of watery oatmeal]? Presto! Shakespeare’s poem is now your poem! It does wonders for the self-esteem.

Just goes to show ya: our intellectuals never run out of really dumb ideas.