G’day! Lee has to go sit around the doctor’s office this morning, so I’m in charge–Byron the Quokka, with a progress report on that college we’re probably going to start. That’s Cousin Weesha in the picture, giving me a kiss. Something tells me I’m going to wind up being sorry I let anybody see that.
We’ve already settled two of the most important issues! (Is that the right word?) First, the kind of hats we’re gonna wear. The kind with propellers on them. And also the name–“Quokka U,” which sounds really great when we all shout it. Imagine a stadium full of 80,000 of us all yelling “Quokka U, Quokka U!” If that’s not higher education, I don’t know what is.
Special shout-out to Marlene: Where have you been? Are you all right? Or did your stupid computer change your settings on you again, without you knowing it? I get uneasy when regular readers, whom I usually hear from every day, suddenly disappear.
The same goes for Bonnie, too. Stay in touch, guys.
But the serious point is that we have way too many colleges and universities, with way too many young (and not-so-young) students warehoused in them, “learning” way too many stupid things from way too many daft professors, it costs way, way, way too much money–and it’s strangling our country.
A girl’s grandmother left her $90,000 to pay for her collidge eddication, so she can become a interllectural. Unfortunately, the coed is now out of money. She appeared on a Georgia radio talk show recently to schnorr for money and blame the whole thing on her mother, who, she said, should’ve taught her more about budgeting.
She’s going into her senior year and there ain’t no money left for the tuition. Seems she pissed it all away on various nonsensical capers, including a luxury trip to Europe.
If you read the news story (see the link above), be sure to notice that none of the interviewers asked this silly person what she was doing in college in the first place. No one asked her, “What’s your major?”
This is what happens when every ninny has to go to collidge. Ninety thousand smackers: she could’ve bought a house. By the way, she doesn’t want to work to make up for the shortfall. That, she said, would be embarrassing.
So we don’t know what she was there to study. Women’s Studies? Global Warming Studies? Basket weaving? All we know is, she poured ninety thousand bucks down the drain.
Ha ha! That other guy he had to go out, so my prefesser he said I should come over here and rite something else from that Christin Talaban stuff that you get here every day. That guy is alyaws trying to impose his religin on everybody and he shouldnt be allowed to rite about religin unless he is writ about how not true it is.
My prefesser he has invented a test for everyone to take and if you cant pass it you have to stay in grade school till you do. Of course its easy for us interllecturals to pass it, but that is because we have been to collidge.
Here is part of the test so you can see what its like.
1. Name the 50 (fitfy) genders reckonized by the smart peoplle of America.
2. If you are allready in one gender, change over to a diffrent one.
3. Which of these causes Global Warming? a) Income Ineqaulity b) Homophobia c) Captalism d) Eating Meat Ha ha, this is a trick question! You supposed to say they all do!
4. True or Flase: There is No God because Science says so and Science is alyays right.
5. Give ten reasons why everybody should ouht to go to collidge, and writ a parragrap about why we cant have no dumocracy unless there is more and more collidge and if you dont stay there for at least six years you cant postibly learn how to be a interllecturle.
So that is what the test is like, and it will pertect us from Christins and groups what have got no educatin. And thats all I got to say. Except PS make sure and vote for Hillery.